Intercourse without pregnancy [closed]

Question

Pregnancy Can a married Jewish couple have intercourse when the woman is on birth control to avoid pregnancy? What are the opinions of different people?

Answer 1

This is how I opened "The Talk" with my boys. Before getting to the biology and psychology of it, I wanted to frame their relationship with sex in terms of spirituality and holiness.

In Bereishis chapter 1, the only mention of sex (v. 28), is about procreation -- "פְּר֥וּ וּרְב֛וּ וּמִלְא֥וּ אֶת־הָאָ֖רֶץ וְכִבְשֻׁ֑הָ -- be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and master it".

But in chapter 2 we are introduced to marriage. V. 20 "וּלְאָדָ֕ם לֹֽא־מָצָ֥א עֵ֖זֶר כְּנֶגְדּֽוֹ -- but for Adam, no corresponding helper was found." And after Adam meets Chava (v. 26) "עַל־כֵּן֙ יַֽעֲזׇב־אִ֔ישׁ אֶת־אָבִ֖יו וְאֶת־אִמֹּ֑ו וְדָבַ֣ק בְּאִשְׁתֹּ֔ו וְהָי֖וּ לְבָשָׂ֥ר אֶחָֽד -- therefore a man leaves his father and mother, and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh."

The Torah delineates two functions for sex: two produce children, and to bind a couple together. And so, sex still retains its fundamental value when speaking of a couple that cannot have children, for example the wife is post-menopausal, or they are in a situation where birth control is permitted.

Sex is the means by which a person forms their deepest attachment with someone outside themselves. It is the pivot from living selfishly to imitating G-d in being of benefit to others. It is thus the holiest of holies.

(That addresses your question. As for "The Talk" I then go on to discuss the problems with premarital sex, as it means practicing having sex and trying not to form bond. It is taking a gift from Hashem designed to unify a couple so that they can better build a life and home together, so that we can take the edge off our existential loneliness and weakening its strength. And so on...)