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I have personally noticed that if a person is accused of speaking Lashon Hara, they have a strong tendency to get very defensive.

This seems to me to be something that is above and beyond the standard defensiveness that people respond when when generally accused of wrong doing.

Have I spotted something real? Are there any sources that also point this out and perhaps offer a reason, as well as advice on how to get people to stop talking Lashon Hara in a way that will have more success?

The reason why I suspect there might be an answer is because a Rosh Yeshiva once told me that the reason we speak Lashon Hara is actually not so much to do with the yeitzer hara, although this was a long time ago, I don't remember his full explanation or if he gave any sources, but I do believe there is something unique about this one particular aveira.

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    I can think of three reasons: 1) we know that Lh"R is a serious 'aveirah and no one wants to be accused of violating Hashem's Torah. 2) one person's to'elet is another's Lh"R. I will say that personally, there are individuals I try to avoid discussing for fear of Lh"R, but it's tough to avoid violating this, even with that. 3) some people misunderstand the prohibition and think it's more like gossip, inasmuch as they view it more in line with rechilut (I have known people to say "it's not lashon hara', it's true," without noting that truth is what distinguishes the one from the other)
    – Noach MiFrankfurt
    Commented Aug 4 at 18:10
  • How often does one accuse other people of doing aveiros, and how do they generally react? Perhaps this is just a more common example.
    – MichoelR
    Commented Aug 4 at 19:57
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    @MichoelR "hey, that's muktza!" warrants an "oops". "Hey, are you sure that's not Lashon Hara?" rarely ends in an "oops", but usually a rather defensive reaction. Or more similar "don't swear" is usually met with a sorry or an eye roll, but never a "sigghhhh, that's not swearing and anyway in this case it's ok because x y z, and who are you to judge anyway? Leave me alone"
    – Rabbi Kaii
    Commented Aug 4 at 20:02
  • @RabbiKaii I think maybe the boundaries for lashon hara are a bit fuzzier (maybe they're fuzzier in people's minds only). I'm thinking if I told another woman that an article of clothing they were wearing wasn't tzniut they would have a very similar reaction.
    – Esther
    Commented Aug 6 at 22:07
  • @Esther yes! Tzniut is also up there with Lashon Hara for defensiveness, thanks for pointing out
    – Rabbi Kaii
    Commented Aug 7 at 8:38

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I believe they react strongly because they think what they said (that others may call lashon hara) serves a useful purpose. Remember that you are allowed to speak ill of others under these conditions:

-Saving a life;

-Testifying in court;

-Writing a letter of recommendation on request;

-Warning someone against dealing with people who have been crooked in dealing with you (and only with you);

-Referring to the misdeeds of people currently serving a legal sentence for those misdeeds;

-Teaching about cruel and crooked historical figures to avoid history repeating itself;

-Speaking to someone, in private, to advise him on how to correct the faults you perceive in him.

Etc.

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