Invitation to nonkosher restaurant

Question

The question "Keeping Kosher at a secular company" asks about food issues on the job in general. This question is focused more narrowly on "unbalanced" situations: situations where there's an imbalance of power.

A junior employee, such as an intern, works at a large company where the senior management sometimes invites junior employees to lunch. Such meetings are primarily of benefit to the invitees, who can gain valuable advice and networking opportunities as they start their careers.

How should the employee in this situation respond if the invitation is to a non-kosher restaurant? On the one hand, the lunch offers an opportunity and it seems impolite to decline a higher-up like a company president. On the other hand, it also seems impolite to sit in the restaurant and not order anything, and this may make a bad impression on those present. I know there may also be the issue of maras ayin from going into and/or eating in the restaurant.

What is the best way to handle this situation?

Answer 1

You don't need to jump straight to declining the invitation. There might be things you can eat, and even if not you won't be impolite to the restaurant by joining a paying group. The key is to communicate clearly. You can explain to the person who invited you -- or, more likely, his administrative assistant -- that you would be delighted to come to the lunch but will be unable to eat due to dietary restrictions. Then go anyway; it's the meeting that's important, not the food.

There might be things you can eat and drink there -- cold drinks are usually safe, for instance, and some salads might be. Consult your rabbi for specific advice. The restaurant might also permit you to bring your own food (and dish/cutlery) if you arrange it in advance.

If you have a close connection to the administrative assistant, you might be able to propose a different, kosher restaurant. But that would be more risky in an unbalanced power structure where you don't know the admin either.

You're right to be concerned about marit ayin. There are several factors that could affect this and you should discuss them with your rabbi:

• The extent to which this is a career-relevant meeting

• Whether there are easy kosher alternatives (if not it might not be as bad)

• What the prevailing practices/norms in the community are

• How visible you'll be (it's even possible that a Jew visibly having only a glass of water is not only not negative but positive, depending on circumstances)

Ohr Somayach's Ask The Rabbi service tackled a related question and points to the book After the Return by Rabbi Mordechai Becher and Rabbi Moshe Newman. (I've read it but don't remember the details of what it said on this question.)

Answer 2

I mostly agree with the Monica Cellio. Marit ayin should never a problem; see my answer to this question. For the sake of kavod haberiyot, you may eat things that are non-kosher rabbinically (but not biblically treyf), if it would please your employers and co-workers. But that is prohibited if they would not get any hana'ah (benefit) from eating together with you, or if you want to be strict personally (but that is beyond what the halakhah requires). This is based on the principle suggested by the Gemara in Perek Gimel (?) of Masechet Brachos that says kavod habriyos is docheh (pushes off) Lo Sasur. However, there is probably food that you can eat that is even kosher rabinically. Either way, you could always order a diet coke, which is the advice suggested by Charlie Harary in this shiur/Q&A entitled Preparing for the Workforce: A Candid Discussion about the Unique Challenges and Opportunities a Committed Jew Encounters in the Workplace.