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The Talmud tells us about the relationship between Rabbi Akiva and his wife:

The daughter of Ben Kalba Savua told [Akiva]: If I betroth myself to you, will you go ... learn Torah? He said: Yes... He went and sat for twelve years in the study hall. When he came back... he heard an old man saying to his wife: For how long will you lead the life of a widow of a living man...? She said: If he would listen to me, he would sit and study for another twelve years. When Rabbi Akiva heard this he... went back and sat for another twelve years in the study hall... [Upon his return] he told [people]...: My Torah knowledge and yours is actually hers. [Ketubot 62b-63a]

We are enormously grateful for his wife's attitude, because it gave us the wisdom of a great man. But we cannot help asking: What he being fair to his wife, even though she encouraged him? Could he not have spent a few days with her before going back to study? A commentator said that 24 straight years are better for Torah learning than two sets of 12 years with an interruption in between. I am not convinced. Also, could he not have moved his entire family to the place where he was studying and have a normal family life? That same page tells us about a rabbi who went to study for 12 years and found that his wife had become infertile because he waited too long! (Another rabbi forgot how to get back home!)

The Talmud encourages scholars to be intimate with their wives once a week:

How often are scholars to perform their marital duties? Rav Yehudah replied in the name of Shmuel: On Shabbat eve. [Ketubot 62b]

Studying Torah all the time and doing nothing else is not encouraged in our tradition and the Rambam has harsh words to say about that.

Any other commentaries on that story in the Sources?

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  • 2
    I do not believe there is any Rambam against people who have the money they need, to not just learn all the time.
    – Lanied Sofey
    Commented Mar 2, 2023 at 19:46
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    What gives you the idea that he did not spend a few days with her? All it says is, he went back. He learned a long time (24 years), mostly away from his wife.
    – MichoelR
    Commented Mar 2, 2023 at 19:48
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    Where does the Rambam criticize Rabbi Akiva? He says you should not take money from charity to do it; Rabbi Akiva and his wife just got by on very little.
    – MichoelR
    Commented Mar 2, 2023 at 19:49
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    I think this is a fantastic question and deserves a really good answer. Similar is the question about why Moshe was asked to separate from his wife. I hope someone gives a complete answer and I will look out for one myself
    – Rabbi Kaii
    Commented Mar 2, 2023 at 21:00
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    @RabbiKaii great point! I've read that the reason why Moshe needed to separate from his wife, was because he needed to be in an constant communication with G-d, he needed to be "on call" - so to speak, leaving no room for anything else in his life. The question remains why and if this applies to R' Akvia and if the Gemara is to be taken literally, e.g. who is to say 24 years means that he did not see his wife, as MichoelR points out.
    – Shmuel
    Commented Mar 2, 2023 at 21:20

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