14 votes

Not finding your bashert is a punishment for doing zera levatala?

The Kabalistic work "Tikunei Zohar" (30a) mentions this as a punishment for a person who has relations with women he should not be having relations with. It is stated there that is that this ...
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  • 4,119
11 votes

Having a girlfriend

R' Moshe Feinstein in Even HaEzer 4:60 writes that it is absolutely prohibited, not just as a nice practice, but involves a Torah prohibition. Among other points, one thing he writes is that in his ...
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11 votes
Accepted

What does a marriage proposal look like?

In some more "Yeshivish" circles (this was pretty normal among my crowd in Yeshiva), the custom is to propose with a bracelet, not a ring, and it is usually done with some formulation of "will you ...
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11 votes
Accepted

Making a kiddush for a woman that has hard time finding shidduch

The Rav of Congregation Ahavas Israel, Passaic, NJ debunks the legend about this story here (edited). So the idea is a made-up story. Rabbi Yaakov Yisrael Kanievsky, known as The Steipler (1899–...
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10 votes
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Where could an extreme ultra-orthodox baal t'shuva etc. realistically find a shidduch?

Generally with other ulta-orthodox baalei t'shuva or other people with similar backgrounds. That is a good idea, regardless, as the compatibility is more likely to be there. (The only exception to ...
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  • 31.3k
9 votes

Going on a date

1) Regarding a shidduch, the Shulchan Aruch says, "For the sake of marriage, a man may view an unmarried girl or lady to see whether he likes her appearance and general characteristics. It is not only ...
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8 votes
Accepted

Did shadchanim suggest the shidduch?

Shadchanim often suggested the match, in addition to working out the financial settlements. I reference Gluckel of Hamleyn, a memoir written in the late 1600s/early 1700s. The writer was a wealthy and ...
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  • 5,181
8 votes
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What is shiduchim?

What is Shiduch? Jastrow translates "שידוך" as a "preliminary negotiations" to betrothal (אירוסין). He also cites Kiddushin 12b as the source for his defintion; there, the gemara discusses the case ...
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  • 18.6k
8 votes

Kohanim Dating Ba'alot Teshuva

My understanding is that many people today will start off with the assumption that a woman who bacame baal teshuva after a certain age is just not kohen-eligible. As for your question -- it's not an ...
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  • 126k
8 votes
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Is it proper to supply a picture of a girl prior to dating?

Yes, both R. Chaim Kanievsky and R. Dovid Feinstein have expressed opposition towards this practice, because one can't get to know a picture. See here.
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  • 13.7k
8 votes
Accepted

Are there any recent statistics showing the "marriage longevity" rate for shidduch arranged marriages?

It is very difficult to find accurate statistics on divorce, and differences between countries are so great that any answer can only be useful from a specific countries' perspective. Finding ...
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  • 1,846
8 votes

Does every woman have a destined match?

Tosfos HaRosh on the gemara in sotah: הא בזוג ראשון הא בזוג שני. פירוש שני לשניהם דאיזה מהם שהוא ראשון נגזר לו זוגו קודם יצירה If I have understood this correctly, he says that זוג שני in the ...
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7 votes

May one propose with an engagement ring?

The Lubavitcher Rebbe specifically discouraged giving a ring at any time during the engagement. (The practice in Chabad is to give the diamond ring* in the Cheder HaYichud after the Chuppa, and even ...
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  • 31.3k
7 votes

Yitzchak Avinu and Eretz Yisrael

Rashi on Breishit 26:2 (@Yez is correct). Summarizing Rashi and Sifsei Chachamim's emmendations - Yitzhak was considered as a sacrifice (which, he was from the akieda). Sifsei Chachamim says he was ...
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  • 68.7k
6 votes

What is shiduchim?

Shiduch means a discussion concerning marriage. The mashal my rebbi told me about this was where do you want to live what do you do etc. Basic dating conversation, nothing special really. The flip ...
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  • 32.2k
6 votes

Can I use kibud av v'em to get my son to date somebody?

The Rama 240:25 writes : הגה: וכן אם האב מוחה בבן לישא איזו אשה שיחפוץ בה הבן – אין צריך לשמוע אל האב (מהרי"ק שורש קס"ז). If a father protests a marriage a son does not have to listen. I would ...
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  • 39.5k
6 votes
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How was it permissible to send the daughters out to dance?

R. Yitzchak Abadi has a responsum (Ohr Yitzchak Vol. 2 Inyanim Shonim #10) in which he writes as follows: וזכורני שישבתי לפני זמן רב בחתונה עם הרב שמעון שוואב ז"ל ולא היה שם מחיצה וכשהתחילו ...
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  • 47.8k
6 votes

Giving your z'chus to someone else

As noted by Rabbi Natan Slifkin, there does not appear to be much early precedent for such an idea, at least as you're describing: In my essay "What Can One Do For Someone Who Has Passed Away?&...
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  • 17.2k
5 votes

What is the procedure for a Shiduch inside the Satmar community?

First of all, there is no rule on this that is being enforced, everybody may do however they choose. But, usually within the community the procedure is: the שדכן (Matchmaker) calls up both sides (...
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  • 151
5 votes
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The proper age for a boy to start dating

According to the Minchas Chinuch (or perhaps it is the Sefer Hachinuch), the mitzva of פרו ורבו only applies at the age of 18, as in the mishna in Avos 5:22. The Gemara in Kidushin 30a is somewhat ...
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  • 997
5 votes

Standard engagement timeframe in modern Orthodox and Yishivish circles

From my experience the average engagement period in the Yeshivish circles is 2 - 4 months. Although I know of cases where the wedding was in as short as 4 -5 weeks and others where it was as much as 6 ...
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5 votes
Accepted

Letting people know you're dating

I recall hearing that the rationale stems from a quote from the Talmud Bavli in Bava Metzia 42a (Partial Quote) (Source/Translation from Sefaria.org) וא"ר יצחק אין הברכה מצוייה אלא בדבר הסמוי מן ...
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5 votes

To what extent can a Beit Din actually force someone to get married?

R. Eliezer Melamed writes in Peninei Halakhah, Simhat HaBayit uVirkhato 5:8 (Hebrew) as follows: According to R. Yosef Karo, Beit Din can force a twenty year old man to get married either by beating ...
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  • 38.2k
4 votes

Must a Divorced Man Wear a Tallis While Davening?

technically one isn't obligated to have tzitzis at all unless one is wearing a 4 cornered garment. today we go out of our way to have a four cornered garment to not miss out on the opportunity of a ...
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  • 3,816
4 votes

What are good quality sites for Shidduchim

Another popular site is JWed. It is different from SYAS in that people contact each other directly, without a shadchan.
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  • 465
4 votes

Dating through the Rabbis?

In my (limited) experience, this is a fairly common thing. Rabbis often meet many different people in the course of their work, and person A might be a woman who has been looking for a match, while ...
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  • 3,854
4 votes
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Where is this Radvaz?

This is a responsum of Rabaz (vol. 2: Even Haezer, ch. 21) (of 19th-20th century Romania); not Radvaz (of 15th-16th century Egypt).
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  • 34.8k
4 votes
Accepted

When is it ok to compliment on a date

The answer I got was 5th-6th date, or about when the couple is ready to drop the shadchan. That's also the time you can start using her name directly. Of course, as mentioned above, everyone has their ...
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4 votes
Accepted

Validity to the saying that 3 shidduchim guarantee a place in olam haba?

Both Rabbi Yuval Sherlo and Rabbi Shelomo Aviner do not know of a source for this popular idea, so I think it is safe to say that there isn't one. Of course, it is a great deed (some say it can be ...
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  • 3,784
4 votes
Accepted

(How) can a man seek favor from (or woo) a potential bride and/or her family?

Rav Moshe Feinstein writes in his reponsa in Even Haezer 4:60, that the basic reason the Torah (and/or Rabbanan) prohibits closeness with a single "girlfriend" (hugging, kissing, and even ...
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  • 10.3k

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