11

The Talmud says when you look into a prospective girl you should look into her brothers (Bava Basra 110a). Rav Yaakov Kaminetzky is reported to have said that this no longer applies, as it was said in a time when girls stayed in the home and that was their primary sphere of influence. However, today a girl will be influenced by a much broader sphere and ...


11

R' Moshe Feinstein in Even HaEzer 4:60 writes that it is absolutely prohibited, not just as a nice practice, but involves a Torah prohibition. Among other points, one thing he writes is that in his understanding of the Rambam, speaking to a woman in an affectionate manner is included in the Torah prohibition of illicit relationships.


11

In some more "Yeshivish" circles (this was pretty normal among my crowd in Yeshiva), the custom is to propose with a bracelet, not a ring, and it is usually done with some formulation of "will you marry me." If the "question" is asked, people are careful to do so without any witnesses, to prevent the marriage taking halachic effect. The kneeling thing is ...


11

The Kabalistic work "Tikunei Zohar" (30a) mentions this as a punishment for a person who has relations with women he should not be having relations with. It is stated there that is that this is מִדָּה לָקֳבֵל מִדָּה (Midah k'neged midah). My understanding is, that by living with these types of women, the person demonstrates that he isn't interested in ...


10

The first quality that comes to mind from the Torah is good Midos. Avraham did not want Yitzchok to marry the daughters of Canaan (Breishis 24:3 and Kli Yakar there) since he did not want Yitzchok to learn from their bad Midos. When Eliezer goes to find Rivka his test is if she is a Baalas Chesed, again checking out her Midos. (Breishis 24:14).


10

The Rav of Congregation Ahavas Israel, Passaic, NJ debunks the legend about this story here (edited). So the idea is a made-up story. Rabbi Yaakov Yisrael Kanievsky, known as The Steipler (1899–1985) was reported to have told a father of a woman who was having difficulty in finding a shidduch that the reason she was experiencing such difficulty ...


9

http://chareidi.org/archives5761/korach/KRfeatures.htm While our rabbis tell us that davening at kivrei tzaddikim is a segulah for all types of help, the tradition of Amuka as an address for unmarried men and women is a relatively new one, according to experts in the field. It was "rediscovered" about fifty years ago by Rav Shalom Gefner of Meah ...


9

The Talmud (Bava Kama 92a) states: כל המבקש רחמים על חבירו והוא צריך לאותו דבר, הוא נענה תחילה Anyone who asks for mercy for his friend, and he needs that thing too, he is answered first. So you should consider praying for other people who have predicaments similar to your own. (Inspired by this answer.)


9

Generally with other ulta-orthodox baalei t'shuva or other people with similar backgrounds. That is a good idea, regardless, as the compatibility is more likely to be there. (The only exception to your list is persons of color - my observation is that they tend to find a person of a different color who doesn't have a hangup about it). In addition, There are ...


9

1) Regarding a shidduch, the Shulchan Aruch says, "For the sake of marriage, a man may view an unmarried girl or lady to see whether he likes her appearance and general characteristics. It is not only permitted; it is advisable and correct to do so." 2) If you're worried about inappropriate thoughts, the Gemara states, "Inappropriate thoughts are one of ...


8

My understanding is that many people today will start off with the assumption that a woman who bacame baal teshuva after a certain age is just not kohen-eligible. As for your question -- it's not an easy matter, but if it's prohibited it's prohibited. ("Don't embarrass someone" doesn't mean I can ignore the serious possibility of halachic prohibitions.) As ...


8

Excellent question. Greetings and welcome to J.SE! German and Sephardic Jewish men begin wearing a Tallis many years before marriage; the question if anything is why those of Eastern European ancestry wait until marriage. I'm told that once a man gets married and starts wearing a Tallis, the practice (I wouldn't say "must", but certainly "normative ...


8

What is Shiduch? Jastrow translates "שידוך" as a "preliminary negotiations" to betrothal (אירוסין). He also cites Kiddushin 12b as the source for his defintion; there, the gemara discusses the case cited in your שלחן ערוך. (he also cites Yerushalmi Kiddushin, which also discusses this case) I heard it also is called the market As for "I heard it also ...


8

Shadchanim often suggested the match, in addition to working out the financial settlements. I reference Gluckel of Hamleyn, a memoir written in the late 1600s/early 1700s. The writer was a wealthy and prominent Jewish woman who lived in Germany in those times. She had many children and was very involved in marrying them off with the appropriate financial ...


8

Tosfos HaRosh on the gemara in sotah: הא בזוג ראשון הא בזוג שני. פירוש שני לשניהם דאיזה מהם שהוא ראשון נגזר לו זוגו קודם יצירה If I have understood this correctly, he says that זוג שני in the gemara must refer to the second marriage for both man and woman. If it was first marriage for either, the marriage would have been from the decree pre-conception. ...


7

The first section in Nishmas Avraham on Even Haezer reads (in my own translation): Rabbi S.Z. Auerbach zatzal wrote me: I'm uncertain about someone with an hereditary disease whose descendants will be in pain all their days, or who suffers a blood-clotting disorder that passes to sons (hemophilia), whether he may therefore refrain from fulfilling the ...


7

The Lubavitcher Rebbe specifically discouraged giving a ring at any time during the engagement. (The practice in Chabad is to give the diamond ring* in the Cheder HaYichud after the Chuppa, and even other gifts are not given directly, or at least not with witnesses). This is apparently explained at length in a Sicha of Nasso 5741, but I couldn't find it in ...


7

Yes, both R. Chaim Kanievsky and R. Dovid Feinstein have expressed opposition towards this practice, because one can't get to know a picture. See here.


7

It is very difficult to find accurate statistics on divorce, and differences between countries are so great that any answer can only be useful from a specific countries' perspective. Finding prevalence statistics specifically focused on shidduchim is even harder. On of the problem of using divorce statistics is that part of the high reported rates of divorce ...


6

The Rama 240:25 writes : הגה: וכן אם האב מוחה בבן לישא איזו אשה שיחפוץ בה הבן – אין צריך לשמוע אל האב (מהרי"ק שורש קס"ז). If a father protests a marriage a son does not have to listen. I would assume to get married to a specific girl is also not under kibbud Av.


6

Rashi on Breishit 26:2 (@Yez is correct). Summarizing Rashi and Sifsei Chachamim's emmendations - Yitzhak was considered as a sacrifice (which, he was from the akieda). Sifsei Chachamim says he was considered Kodesh Kadashim ("most holy") and such sacrifices were not allowd to be taken out of the azarah. The entire land of Israel was considered the azara at ...


6

Shiduch means a discussion concerning marriage. The mashal my rebbi told me about this was where do you want to live what do you do etc. Basic dating conversation, nothing special really. The flip side is seeing a woman on the street and without saying two words to her first, proposing. How decent does that sound? Does it sound like anything more than pure ...


6

As noted by Rabbi Natan Slifkin, there does not appear to be much early precedent for such an idea, at least as you're describing: In my essay "What Can One Do For Someone Who Has Passed Away?" I noted that classically, one's mitzvos are only a credit to those people who had a formative influence on you. One's mitzvos cannot help the souls of ...


5

There are number of categories of people one may not marry, so one should make sure that the person one is planning on marrying isn't in any of these categories. These categories include non-Jews, close relatives, and married people. For some Jews they also include converts, mamzerim, divorcees, or others. (Sources include Rambam.)


5

Firstly, I would like to add to the question: Rashi on Bereshis 25:20 says that after the akeida, Yitzchak waited to marry Rivkah for 3 years המתין לה עד שתהא ראויה לביאה שלש שנים ונשאה: He waited for her until she would be fit for marital relations-three years-and then married her. — [From Gen. Rabbah 57:1; From here it's pretty clear that ...


5

First of all, there is no rule on this that is being enforced, everybody may do however they choose. But, usually within the community the procedure is: the שדכן (Matchmaker) calls up both sides (parents) with the idea, the parents will do research, they will try to do the best research, in some cases it will take a week, sometimes more. Once both sides ...


5

According to the Minchas Chinuch (or perhaps it is the Sefer Hachinuch), the mitzva of פרו ורבו only applies at the age of 18, as in the mishna in Avos 5:22. The Gemara in Kidushin 30a is somewhat critical of someone that waits beyond the age of 22 or 24; however, the exact age depends on the emotional maturity of the child, as per חנוך לנער על פי דרכו, "...


5

R. Yitzchak Abadi has a responsum (Ohr Yitzchak Vol. 2 Inyanim Shonim #10) in which he writes as follows: וזכורני שישבתי לפני זמן רב בחתונה עם הרב שמעון שוואב ז"ל ולא היה שם מחיצה וכשהתחילו לרקוד יצא מן האולם ואני אחריו ואשאלהו הלא בסוף מסכת תענית (דף כו:) כתוב שבנות ישראל היו יוצאות במחול ביום הכפורים ובט"ו באב והיו אומרות בחור שא נא עניך וכו' ...


5

I recall hearing that the rationale stems from a quote from the Talmud Bavli in Bava Metzia 42a (Partial Quote) (Source/Translation from Sefaria.org) וא"ר יצחק אין הברכה מצוייה אלא בדבר הסמוי מן העין And Rabbi Yitzḥak says: Blessing is found only in a matter concealed from the eye It thus seems that the Hashkafa of being more discreet from the ...


5

R. Eliezer Melamed writes in Peninei Halakhah, Simhat HaBayit uVirkhato 5:8 (Hebrew) as follows: According to R. Yosef Karo, Beit Din can force a twenty year old man to get married either by beating him (Rif, Rambam) or by rebuking or fining him (Tosafot, Rosh) until he agrees to marry. In practice, this would only happen in rare cases, such as if a man was ...


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