48
And the other critical caveat here: this is only if she wants him to marry her. If she'd rather never see him again, then the Torah never forces her into such a marriage. Additionally, if she wants a divorce, she is still entitled to one whenever she wants even after they wed. (Shulchan Aruch Even HaEzer 177:3)
All I can say -- if this is a situation where ...
36
Get married. This gives one the feeling of פת בסלו (bread in his basket) even when he is halachikaly forbidden to his wife. The Talmud says (Yevamos 63a) that a man should appreciate his wife simply for the fact that she saves him from sin.
Also, another piece of practical advice given to me by my Chosson Teacher was to go outside for a walk. It works. ...
33
The Chinuch says (in 557) it's a deterrent. Knowing they'll have to marry their potential victims (and won't be allowed to divorce them, and have to support them, etc.), people won't rape.
He adds (ibid.) that it's also a protection for the victim: once she's married she's unlikely to be raped again. (Numerous studies show that a woman who was raped is at ...
27
Not only is it forbidden, but it's a prohibition of such great stringency that, according to most authorities, a Jew must give up his life instead of having intercourse with a non-Jew (see sources quoted by Shach Yoreh De'ah 157:12), although the Rama (Even Ha'Ezer 16:2) says that such a stringency only applies in public. What is the source for this ...
25
The Rambam says (Issurei Biah 21:19):
וכן אסור לאדם שיביא עצמו לידי הרהור, אלא אם יבא לו הרהור יסיע לבו מדברי הבאי לדברי תורה שהיא אילת אהבים ויעלת חן.
It is forbidden for a person to bring himself to [sexual] thoughts. If a [sexual] thought comes to his mind, he should divert his heart from profligate and destructive matters to the words of Torah ...
23
Although this is essentially a canard, it is possible that it is based on the Yerushalmi (Y'vamos 1:1):
דרבי יוסי בן חלפתא ייבם את אשת אחיו חמש חרישות חרש וחמש נטיעות נטע ודרך סדין בעל
The P'nei Moshe commentary (ad loc., s.v. ודרך סדין בעל) appears to interpret this as meaning that there was an opening in the sheet. The essential purpose of R' Yose ben ...
20
The Semak, in his list of the 613 Commandments, counts male masturbation as a Biblical prohibition in Negative Command #292.
19
The Wikipedia passage you quoted is accurate but could do with some elaboration. Their use of the word "virtue" may have misled you because other religions see sex more negatively. While not encouraging promiscuity, Judaism also doesn't call for asceticism. Procreation is an outcome of sex but not the only motivation.
Within marriage, a certain level of ...
19
Thank you and welcome to the site. We hope this is a theoretical question; however, Judaism covers the difficult cases too.
First off, this isn't pleasant to bring up, but not all forms of rape would be of halachic consequence to the question at hand; but we'll assume here that this was conventional full penetration, which would present an issue.
The Kohen ...
18
According to Even HoEzer 26:1 there is no need for a divorce when the relationship was not for the purpose of marriage.
17
You didn't say which sin you're struggling to avoid. If it's masturbation:
Kitzur Shulchan Aruch chapter 151 (available online in English and Hebrew) lists a whole slew of suggestions for avoiding masturbation.
My favorite is from Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 151:6: "Be careful not to sleep alone in a room." Mishnah Berurah 239:9 and Sha'ar Ha'tziyun 239:17 ...
17
There's an Igros Moshe about it where Rabbi Moshe Feinstein makes absolutely clear that it is appropriate for one to hug and kiss one's wife (in a private setting) during any time of the month in which it is allowable. (If someone has a serious problem with premature ejaculation they should get therapy.)
17
Some of this was summarized in a previous answer here. There are many opinions about this stuff, by the way.
Rabbi Yehuda Herzl Henkin's Bnei Banim 4:16 is a MUST READ.
It addresses the halachic angle on some of these matters, while Rabbi Aharon Lichtenstein's "Of Marriage: Relationship and Relations" (Tradition 39:2) addresses the "hashkafic" (...
17
Ibn Ezra to Genesis (3:6) suggests that Adam had sex with Eve as a result of eating from the Tree of Knowledge. Therefore, sex is euphemistically referred to as knowledge. Additionally, he notes that the sex drive develops as a person becomes aware of good and evil; further reason for the euphemism.
Radak to Genesis (4:1 (3:20)) seems to imply this as ...
16
The Talmud (Sanhedrin 22b) points out that a woman tends to be more emotionally involved with the man with whom she first had relations. (I think that there are modern studies that say much the same thing.) Furthermore, to a certain degree - this part is true of men as well - a person tends to at least subconsciously compare their current partner with ...
16
Masturbation per se does not change one's halachik status at all, although it does generate an obligation to repent.
Ezra originally established that a man who is impure from any seminal emmision (not just masturbatory) cannot say shema, pray or say other blessings until he has gone to the mikva. However this decree was later rescinded, and the law and the ...
16
The Shulchan Aruch discusses this issue (Even HaEzer 76).
In Seif 3, he comments regarding the standard onot as fixed by profession:
בד"א, במי שגופו בריא ויכול לקיים העונה הקצובה לו, אבל מי שאינו בריא אינו חייב אלא לפי מה שאומדין אותו שיכול לקיים.
In what situation do [the above times] apply? For someone who's body is healthy and is able to ...
16
There’s a plausible explanation for the origins of this myth (and it is purely a myth) at http://snopes.com/religion/sheet.asp. Snopes quotes the soc.culture.jewish FAQ:
The myth derives from seeing Jews in religious neighborhoods hanging their “talitot katan” out to dry. This poncho-like garment is about two feet by four feet, has a fringe on each corner,...
16
There is a certain amount of ambiguity here.
On the one hand, we see that our Sages praise the daughters of Lot, and especially the elder daughter who took the initiative.
Nazir 23a:
אלא משל ללוט ושתי בנותיו עמו הן שנתכוונו לשם מצוה וצדיקים ילכו בם הוא שנתכוין לשם עבירה ופושעים יכשלו בם
Rather, it is comparable to Lot and his two daughters, who ...
15
Although one might think to conclude that homosexuality is worse than murder based on the specific punishments court can impose upon them (stoning for homosexuality and decapitation for murder), this simplistic understanding is not borne out upon further investigation. I know I shouldn't just quote on this site, but no one says it better than the Rambam ...
15
The premise of your question seems to be that ostensibly religious people never sin, which is obviously absurd. These men are sinners, who are acting in violation of Jewish law, and if their behavior ever became public knowledge, it would scandalize their communities.
The simple reality is that sexual immorality is not, and never has been, exceptional or ...
15
OK.
The reason is that according to halacha a hymen will regrow if ruptured before the age of three.1 For this reason, it is considered as if no sexual act has occurred as far as the girl's halachic status is concerned, to the extent that her status as a virgin has not changed. Hence, she (for example) is entitled to a minimum kesuba of 200 zuz, just as ...
15
The Chinuch says in Mitzvah #443 in reference to the prohibition of men wearing women's clothing: "ונוהג איסור זה בכל מקום ובכל זמן-This prohibition applies in all places, and at all times."
So, it seems pretty clear that it's not allowed in any sort of setting.
In general, you should know, that the mitzvot apply equally in public and private. For example,...
14
If you use pornography, see "How do you quit a pornography habit?".
Otherwise:
Guard Your Eyes puts out a 75-page-long book called The GYE Handbook. It discusses all sorts of ideas in depth. Different ideas from the book will be most useful for different people. It's targeted at pornography users, but it's useful even for people who have never used ...
14
Rambam, Laws of Prohibitions on Relations, 21:19 (or #20, depending on your edition):
וכן אסור לאדם שיקשה עצמו לדעת, או יביא עצמו לידי הרהור ...
ולא יסתכל בבהמה חיה ועוף, בשעה שמזדקקין זכר לנקבה; ומותר למרביעי בהמה להכניס כמכחול בשפופרת, מפני שהן עסקין במלאכתן ולא יבואו לידי הרהור.
A man should not bring himself to arousal ... [gives a few ...
14
In Sefer Nishmat Avraham- Even Haezer Siman 23 this very question is asked. The Tzitz Eliezer sums up as follows: A husband may produce sperm for examination after his wife has been thoroughly tested. However the way the sperm should be halachically obtained is as follows:
1) The simplest way would be a post-coital sample; this would be permitted by almost ...
14
God created within all animals an urge to procreate. Without it, we would just end. (Sanhedrin 64a)
13
Premarital sexual intercourse is not a kinyan unless it is done with the intention of being koneh. Not only that, but the man must say as much. Rambam Hil Ishus 3:5 (my own translation):
ואם קידש בביאה אומר לה הרי את מקודשת לי או הרי את מאורסת לי או הרי את לי לאשה בבעילה זו וכל כיוצא בזה. ומתייחד עמה בפני שני עדים ובועלה
If he betroths (mekadesh) ...
13
Here are some ideas. Many are not my own, but are copied or adapted from others.
If you can't or won't quit completely:
If you can't or won't quit completely, then you may want to at least reduce your pornography usage gradually. The "StayFocusd" Google Chrome extension, or one of its competitors, may help.
If you'd like to quit completely:
You can ...
Only top voted, non community-wiki answers of a minimum length are eligible
