33
votes
Accepted
PTIJ: What does Cookie Monster eat during Pesach?
We have photographic evidence what the answer is...
- 5,484
30
votes
Accepted
PTIJ: wiping amalek’s memory?
You only need to wipe their local memory storage. Memory in the Cloud need not be wiped, as the verse ends
מתחת השמים
The best approach is really just to overwrite all of the memory with binary ...
- 59.1k
28
votes
How to eat Wacky Mac
Wacky Mac, like the lulav, has four distinct components that must all be present in order to fulfill the mitzvah. According to the kabbalists, these four shapes can be compared to four types of Jews:
...
- 57k
28
votes
Accepted
PTIJ: Why can't I eat anything?
Since it's obviously impossible to just go and search for thousands of quotes taken out of context, you were unaware that our sources support a more nuanced approach to eating. Through superior ...
- 25.9k
25
votes
PTIJ: Can a Cohen go into a room with 60 or more sleeping people?
The real question is if the 60th person is allowed to go to sleep, since he's effectively committing murder.
- 4,148
24
votes
Accepted
Can one go back in time to complete a minyan?
Rav Natrunai Gaon appears to address this. He writes:
תשובות רב נטרונאי גאון - ברודי (אופק) אורח חיים סימן קכט
ואף על פי שעובר זמן, תפילה
Even if one travels through time, [his prayer] ...
- 36k
23
votes
Accepted
PTIJ: Joseph and the time machine
Joseph came into contact with a known wormhole, namely Hebron (Genesis 37:14). Wrinkles in space-time are known to exist in Hebron: Numbers 13:22 tells us that Hebron was built seven years before Zoan ...
- 25.9k
21
votes
Accepted
Is PDF avodah zarah (idol worship)?
Of course you should convert to a probability density function! It's not avoda zara; in fact, in many cases it's normal. Though conversion is difficult from a logistic point of view, it's not ...
- 73.9k
21
votes
PTIJ: How do I know if MiYodeya cookies are kosher? What should I do on Pesach?
The cookies aren't set by Mi Yodeya, but rather are required by Stack Exchange, the "parent" of Mi Yodeya. As such they're owned by the not-Jewish SE. I mention in case, chas v'shalom, you might have ...
- 7,056
21
votes
Accepted
PTIJ: Who should I vote for? (21st Knesset Edition)
It seems like Kulanu is a good, qualified party for leadership, as we proclaim in the Passover Haggada:
כולנו חכמים, כולנו נבונים, כולנו יודעים את התורה
Kulanu are wise, Kulanu are insightful, Kulanu ...
- 59.1k
20
votes
Accepted
How to eat Wacky Mac
Following the order of the last Mishna in Kinim (1) (3:6), we have the order and the shiur.
שתי קרניו, שתי חצוצרות; שני שוקיו, שני חלילין; עורו לתוף, ומעיו לנבלים, ובני מעיו לכינורות
"Its two ...
- 23.1k
20
votes
Accepted
PTIJ: How do I get out of lending a hand?
Certainly a tough situation to be in, but there is a way out for you! The halacha there continues:
ואם שולט בשתי ידיו מניח בשמאל כל אדם
And if he rules over both of his hands, he can leave it to ...
- 59.1k
20
votes
PTIJ: How many Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To change a lightbulb, you need a crew that is superior in both number and wisdom to the crew that put the lightbulb there in the first place.
Collective Bargaining Agreement of the International ...
- 48.6k
20
votes
PTIJ: Why all the obsession with BSD?
Actually, the more right-leaning Orthodox Jews use Fedora.
- 73.9k
20
votes
Accepted
PTIJ: How can I halachically kill a vampire?
A stake in Hebrew is a יתד, and as it says in Yishayahu, ותקעתיו יתד במקום נאמן, you need to stick the stake in a "trustworthy place". In Nechemya we find: ומצאת את לבבו נאמן. So it's obvious the ...
- 3,705
19
votes
Accepted
PTIJ: Can I tell you what’s on my mind?
Actually, according to Megila 18a, a word is worth a penny and silence is worth two (מילה בסלע ומשתוקא בתרין). So when you put in your two cents, you're charging the listener for the breaking of your ...
- 25.9k
19
votes
PTIJ: What dummy is the Gemara referring to?
In Genesis 4:10 we have the following verse:
ויאמר מה עשית קול דמי אחיך צעקים אלי מן האדמה
And he said: "What have you done? The voice of Dummy your brother is crying out to me from the ground.&...
- 50.3k
19
votes
PTIJ: Which Dr. Seuss books should one obtain?
Green Eggs and Ham would be a great choice for teaching children about brachot. Take this Mishnah Berurah (205:9), which explains when to bless, and on what.
בהם ירקות וכו' - ר"ל שרוצה לגמוע ...
- 730
19
votes
PTIJ: Are there other ritually demanded drinks?
By the Parah Adumah, once the process was complete, one should drink Red Bull
Halachically, if one sees a place where a miracle occurred he is required to make a bracha (refer to SA OC 218:4). What ...
- 34.5k
18
votes
Accepted
18
votes
Accepted
PTIJ: Sport in the Torah
It seems clear to me from many places that Soccer is one of the Torah's most important games. A few examples:
The going rate for a soccer match back in the day was 400 silver coins, as the Torah ...
- 3,340
18
votes
Accepted
PTIJ: Which Dr. Seuss books should one obtain?
Any self-respecting Kabbalist needs a copy of Yertle the Turtle, which hints at the deep mysteries taught in Tikkunei Zohar 147b.
In Tikkunei Zohar’s discussion of the properties of a stack of ...
- 46.6k
18
votes
Accepted
PTIJ: Haman's bad computer
Haman was Mordechai's slave. A slave is responsible for mitzvos like a woman. However, Haman had a computer. It's not that his computer was broken. It's just that all computers are intrinsically bad, ...
- 1,381
17
votes
Accepted
PTIJ: Is Schrödinger's cat inscribed in the book of Life and the book of Death?
א"ר כרוספדאי א"ר יוחנן שלשה ספרים נפתחין בר"ה אחד של רשעים גמורין ואחד של צדיקים גמורין ואחד של בינוניים צדיקים גמורין נכתבין ונחתמין לאלתר לחיים רשעים גמורין נכתבין ונחתמין לאלתר למיתה בינוניים ...
- 11k
17
votes
PTIJ: Is it permitted to time travel on Shabbos?
A deep understanding of the Theory of Relativity is necessary for a Torah scholar - only מיוחסים (Experts in relativity) can be on the Great Sanhedrin. One of the principles of relativity is that ...
- 2,661
16
votes
PTIJ: Yeshivas Shem v'Ever
Eh, you might want to avoid the yeshiva. I heard from a friend about a bochur who came from there named Yaakov who married two girls from Charan after graduating... His shver was just a really bad guy ...
- 19.2k
16
votes
Accepted
PTIJ: What do you people want?
You have a whole slew of achievements to your name that few can match.
מִי שֶׁבֵּרַךְ אֲבותֵינוּ אַבְרָהָם יִצְחָק וְיַעֲקב. ... וּמִי שֶׁמְּיַחֲדִים בָּתֵּי כְנֵסִיּות לִתְפִלָּה. וּמִי שֶׁבָּאִים ...
- 25.9k
16
votes
Accepted
PTIJ: If Haman would have fallen with no one around to hear him fall, would that still have made a sound?
This is actually an age old debate, as we learn in Bereishis 3:11
המן העץ
Haman is a tree
And therefore, the question you are really asking is, if a tree falls and there is no one around to hear it, ...
- 59.1k
16
votes
PTIJ: I live in Australia and am upside down. Where should I put my tefillin?
The feet are a perfectly valid location for Tefillin. See Rambam, Tefillin 4:26:
. וְכָל הָרָגִיל בִּתְפִלִּין מַאֲרִיךְ יָמִים שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (ישעיהו לח טז) ״ה׳ עֲלֵיהֶם יִחְיוּ
The entire foot is for ...
- 730
16
votes
Accepted
PTIJ: HTML Sukkah
According to Rav Chanan Bar Rabbah in the name of Rav (Sukkah 2b), when majority of the <Head>, <Body> and <Table> fit on the page.
- 3,907
Only top scored, non community-wiki answers of a minimum length are eligible