16
I am a white male, and I had this happen to me recently, where I met a woman in a business setting who politely told me, "I don't shake hands for religious reasons". I had never heard this before, but it did not faze me in the least. She was polite in every other way that she treated me. No Problem!
16
Rabbi Moshe Feinstein was strongly opposed to a two-ring ceremony in which he says "harei at mekudeshet li" and she says "harei ata mekudash li", but in a later responsum -- EH4:32b (addressing R' Elyakim "Getzel" Ellinson, who was questioning men wearing bands and Rav Moshe defending the practice) he clarifies that for a man to simply wear a band is not ...
16
First things first, You're human. You can't help being attracted to women, Gd made you that way. Only the whens and wheres are your responsibility. Also remember that this area is a very difficult one to conquer, so don't get down on yourself if you fail to climb Everest the first few, or dozen, or hundred times.
Getting a warning beforehand helps, so you ...
15
The Shulchan Aruch in the beginning of YD 182 says:
א.המעביר שער בית השחי ובית הערוה אפילו במספרים כעין תער היו מכין אותו מכת מרדות בד"א במקום שאין מעבירין אותו אלא נשים כדי שלא יתקן עצמו תיקון נשים אבל במקום שמעבירין אותו גם האנשים אם העביר אין מכין אותו: {הגה: ואפילו לכתחילה שרי (ר"ן פ"ב דעבודת כוכבים) רק החברים נמנעים בכ"מ (שם ובב"י בשם נ"י)
My rough ...
15
I always heard of people taking off their glasses. I had pretty good vision until recently, and just last week I was able to try that trick, and it actually (somewhat) worked! So for men who have impaired vision, that can be used to their advantage to some extent - blurry women are not as attractive. This isn't practical for all occupations. If you're a ...
14
Basically, we don't have the power to declare someone categorically exempt. Abudraham suggested one explanation, but our system of laws categorically says "all men are obligated", "all women are not."
If a person is truly in a situation beyond their control, halacha recognize that. If it's five minutes before sunset and a single dad who hasn't yet prayed ...
14
The Zohar writes that the Patriarch Yitzchok had the soul of a female (Pikudei 257a). The Seder HaDoros (Elef HaRishon) says that it was the soul of Chava.
13
Per Rabbi Shmuel Eliyahu it is not proper to give names such as Rephaela, Daniela, etc.
כמו כן ראוי לא לקרוא לבת בשם הדומה בשורשו לשם של בן, כמו: רפאלה,
דניאלה, שרונה, יוספה וכדומה. שזה עלול להפריע לילדה כשתגדל להיזכר תמיד
על שם פלוני שעל שמו היא קרויה.
13
Although the real answer to your question would be found in the Double AA's answer, it's worth noting that there was at least one authority who did believe that pisuk raglayim was an issue for men as well, albeit not as big an issue as for women. The Chazon Ish felt that wearing a long jacket was proper for exactly this issue. In fact he would wear an extra ...
10
There are two opinions in the medrash cited in Aryeh's answer; R' Yehuda permits women gazing upon men. His opinion is accepted by Sh'muel in B'rachos 48b. Although R' Yochanan follows R' Yosi's interpretation of the pasuk there, the gemara does not record that he added the phrase אם כן עשית בנות ישראל כזונות. In fact, R' Yochanan himself allowed women to ...
10
Yes, such classes exist, and are recommended for potential bridegrooms. Speak to the rabbi of any orthodox synagogue, and he should be able to direct you someone who can tutor you in this field. So, I suspect, can the head or mashgiach of any bes midrash. Covered topics are hilchos nida and v'sasos, k'vod ishto, and others, though the exact list varies from ...
10
A related question was recently on The Workplace, and one of the answers there offered a phrasing I like. While dodging the physical interaction (more about that in a moment), you can say "I'm sorry, my religion allows me to shake hands only with my wife" (or husband, for women in this position). Or you could say "touch" instead of "shake hands with" if ...
10
Practice your fake sneeze.
If I'm with my wife and a man sticks out their hand to her, I say "I'll take that" and shake their hand (even if I've already shaken their hand).
10
The commandment to avoid negative reactions is on you, not your wife nor her friends. Of course they shouldn't be deliberately provocative, but if, for example, a normal conversation held in one part of your house bothers you in another part because of kol isha, or if the visitor is dressed appropriately and you are still distracted, this is largely a ...
10
So, we all have yetzer. As Jews, we believe that yetzer is part of our condition; reference the midrash about the disastrous effects of disabling it temporarily (Yoma 69b).
It's all of our job to recognize yetzer and deal with it. That, of course, includes avoiding some situations, channeling some urges, but, at the end of the day, taking responsibility for ...
10
The Ashel Avraham (Pri Migadim 23:2 ) writes that one should not wear tzitzs out next to a kever of a child because maybe his neshama is that of a gadol. He also mentions that in a case of a woman it seems that there is no concept of loeg lerash since a woman is not obligated in tzitzs in their life time. He adds by saying that we are not worried that a ...
10
Kaf Hachaim Orach Chaim 38:9 says that Michal bas Shaul had a male Neshama.
Haichal Habracha - Bamidbar 27:7 says that the Bnos Tzelafchad had male Neshamos.
9
If you know that you would be in such a situation, inform the woman, who may be trying to shake hands with you, beforehand, to avoid problems.
During my service in Israeli army I attended an order where I was supposed to shake hands with one female lieutenant colonel in presence of other high-rank commanders. I informed her about my problem beforehand, and ...
9
H/T Rabbi Torczyner.
Binyan Tzion I:75 (Rabbi Yaakov Ettlinger) addresses a rabbi who was asked "may I deliver my sister-in-law's baby?" Halachically, inappropriately touching your sister-in-law is no different than inappropriately touching random married-to-someone-else woman, but there's perhaps a certain "eww" factor that prompted the ...
9
Per Rabbi Avraham Yosef it is permitted 100% to listen to a recording of a woman giving a Shiur. However it is prohibited to sit at a Shiur which is being given by a woman.
9
Chacham Ovadia in Yechavei Daas 4:7 writes that seeing a woman on tv is the same as seeing an actual woman when it comes to hirur (thoughts) and there is an issur of lo tassuru achrei levavchem...however when it comes to reading shema that's a discussion which he talks about whether its mutar or not,but an issur of seeing a picture of a woman who is not ...
9
Men and women are both obligated in the Mitzva of Shabbat candles and saying the blessing. Women have precedence to ensure the Mitzva is fulfilled because they are more often at home preparing the house on Friday afternoon. (Shulchan Aruch OC 263:2-5 and Mishne Torah, Hilchos shabas ch. 5)
9
Concentrate on looking (only) at her face. There is a difficulty in doing this that helps, as well. You can probably notice that her eyes are too closely- or widely-set, or slightly different heights, or whatever flaw makes it less stimulating to look at her.
This might not work as well for you (my wife has an uncommonly pretty face), but it's worth ...
9
Let's examine the converse of the question...
Suppose you have to deal with a person that is horribly disfigured from birth, disease or an accident. Do you treat them with any less personal respect because of your revulsion? Are they less of a person? Where does the problem lie?
I work in a hospital as a Medical Technologist, in the ER, and OB/GYN. There ...
9
It seems to me that the answer to your question is that a man's spreading his legs is not as suggestive a position as the posture isn't reminiscent of intercourse (where a woman's spreading her legs is more...ergonomic).
Indeed the phrase פישוק רגליים "spreading the legs" comes from Ezekiel 16:25 where the context and commentaries are clear that what is ...
8
Dancing with one's spouse in public when they could touch each other in private: ill-advised. Shulchan Aruch warns against excess physical affection with one's wife in public. (In "Fiddler on the Roof", Tevye demands that the rabbi rule whether it is absolutely forbidden, and the rabbi hesitates; it's a "shouldn't." Some measure of privacy is called for in a ...
8
Rav Yaakov Weinberg was once asked this question at a convention in Richmond, VA. The following is a summary of his response.
Man was created with a Divine purpose, to be a spiritual being interacting with a physical world. This required that he go out into the world. But he is not meant to be a businessman - he is meant to be a man who is involved in ...
8
The Zohar writes that the Patriarch Yitzchok had the soul of a female.
Additionally, the Arizal explained that Michal wore tefillin because she had a male soul.
So it seems that souls do have genders, both male and female.
8
I hightly focus on the work's subject when I'm discussing with her about work and I reduce my discussion to the strict minimum.
I'm discussing her opinion, not her body.
Also, don't take the opportunity to work with her when you can.
8
Rav Moshe Feinstein in his Igros Moshe Chelek 8:4 YD :11 writes that going to theaters and stadiums do not fall into the prohibition of bechukoseihem lo tolechu. However, he writes that one is prohibited from attending due to moshev letzim, bitul Torah (eventually l'gamri), nivul peh (promiscuity). Rav Moshe is clear that it is a forbidden to attend such ...
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