14

Ma'ayaneh Shel Torah quotes the The Chiddushei HaRIM that when Dama ben Nesina lost a huge sum of money because he was honoring his father, it created a Heavenly Accusation against the Jewish people. By giving him a red heifer, G-d showed that while a non-Jew was willing to lose a large amount of money for a Mitzvah that makes sense, the Jews were willing ...


11

Considering the fact that the Torah only writes of one's relationship to one's parents in terms of fear and respect, it would seem that the answer is no (as this Rabbi's asserts rather emphatically). The Chayei Adam, however, writes in the beginning of the Laws of Honoring Parents: פשיטא שצריך לאהוב אותם כגופו שהרי הוא בכלל ואהבת לרעך כמוך אלא שבאביו ...


11

The Shulchan Aruch 240:18 discusses a father who is a Rasha. The Mechaber holds that there is Kibud av by a Rasha (not defined), but Ram"a argues. ממזר חייב בכבוד אביו ובמוראו. אפילו היה אביו רשע ובעל עבירות – מכבדו ומתיירא ממנו. הגה: ויש אומרים דאינו מחוייב לכבד אביו רשע, אלא אם כן עשה תשובה. (טור ומרדכי פרק "כיצד", ובהגהות מיימוני פרק שישי ...


11

Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 240:14 rules that if someone's divorced parents both ask him for a favor (the case of the S.A. is requesting a drink), he may choose to respond to either one first. Pischei Teshuva s.k. 12 suggests that for sustenance and clothing the mother would get precedence.


9

Tzitz Eliezer 14:73 spells this one out very explicitly: it's identical for sons and daughters -- the parents can't force them to marry or not-marry someone if they don't want to. (Though he adds that it's usually the right thing to do for both sons and daughters to ask their parents' advice or otherwise involve them somehow.) There is one responsum of the ...


8

Here is one answer I found Question: Is a physician or dentist permitted to diagnose and treat illness in close members of his own family? Does the ruling apply equally to parent, sibling, spouse, child, aunt, uncle, cousin, nephew, niece etc.? Is a physician permitted to perform a complete physical examination on his close relative? May a physician or ...


8

Shulchan Aruch in Yoreh Deah siman 240 siff 5 says one is required to lose work in order to honor his parents, even though this will cause the child to end up needing to collect money for himself. However, this is only when the son has money to support himself that day, if he does not have even that much, he does not have to lose work.


8

While one needs to be careful any time one gives rebuke, one needs to be especially careful when dealing with a parent: Kitzur Shulchan Aruch - 143:10 רָאָה לְאָבִיו שֶׁעוֹבֵר עַל דִבְרֵי-תוֹרָה, לֹא יֹאמַר לוֹ, עָבַרְתָּ עַל דִּבְרֵי תוֹרָה, אֶלָּא יֹאמַר לוֹ, אַבָּא, כְּתִיב בַּתּוֹרָה כָּךְ וְכָךְ, כְּאִלּוּ הוּא שׁוֹאֵל מִמֶּנוּ, וְלֹא כְּמַזְהִירוֹ, ...


7

The Rashb"a writes in his Tshuvos Volume I: siman 18 that kibud av vaim is like tzdakkah and charity is dependent on the receiver because maybe he will refuse to accept, and he (the giver) won't be able to perform the mitzvah. When the action of the mitzvah is not completely dependent on the giver then there is no bracha (from Sefer Pisgamei Oraisa which ...


7

The Chamudei Daniel, cited by the Pischei Teshuvah Yoreh Deah 240:22 says that one may pray in the shul where he will have more kavvanah. Rav Pam points out that one should take into consideration other possible ramifications before acting on this ruling. See here.


7

After my father crushed my dreams, and refused to pay for my university in England, I wanted to take revenge on him. Serious problem right here. Basically at eighteen, you're on your own. It's normally a nice thing for parents to help out beyond that, but they are not obligated to do so. (See Maharik responsum #166.) If you were expecting a favor and didn't ...


7

The commandment of kibbud av v'eim does not apply to adoptive parents (Sotah 49a - right before the Mishna). However, there is a moral obligation of hakarat hatov (gratitude) which requires that the child honor his/her adoptive parents. (Source. The article states that "one must honor his/her adoptive parents as much as if they were the biological parents." ...


6

In order to properly answer this question, first we have to clarify what is Nekama. Minchas Chinuch 241:1 says one only transgresses Nekama with money not with causing Tzaar to another. Based on this you are not taking Nekama by keeping Mitzvos.


6

Your question shows that you care about the biblical commandment not to take revenge. Evidently, you are not simply putting on a show of religiosity to provoke your father, which would have only required displaying some of the more visible trappings of religion. Regardless of your original intent, you seem to have developed a positive motivation for mitzva ...


6

The Rama 240:25 writes : הגה: וכן אם האב מוחה בבן לישא איזו אשה שיחפוץ בה הבן – אין צריך לשמוע אל האב (מהרי"ק שורש קס"ז). If a father protests a marriage a son does not have to listen. I would assume to get married to a specific girl is also not under kibbud Av.


6

Shulchan Aruch Yoreh Deah 240:11 addresses how to correct a parent when they have made a mistake: ראה אביו שעבר על דברי תורה, לא יאמר לו: "עברת על דברי תורה". אלא יאמר לו: "אבא, כתוב בתורה כך וכך", כאילו הוא שואל ממנו ולא כמזהירו, והוא יבין מעצמו ולא יתבייש. If you see your father violating the Torah, do not say "you have violated ...


6

The Mechaber YD 240:18 paskens like the Rambam that one is obligated to honor his father who is a Rasha. The Rema there paskens like the Tur that he is not liable. That means that Ashkenazim who follow the Rama certainly don't have to honor their father who is an idolator, and sefardim who follow the Mechaber presumably would still have to honor him. (One ...


6

As discussed previously: Yoreh Deah 240 siman 8 says that kibud av v'em does not override "any torah or rabinic commandment." Beis Lechem Yehuda there comments: If a son knows that his parents fret when he fasts, he should not fast any days that are not obligatory. The Pischei Teshuva talks about wearing black as a sign of mourning, or saying kaddish; ...


6

In general, no it does not apply after death (Az Nidbru vol. 8, 60). See Chaim Byad Y.D. 125:48 who deduces as much from the wording of the Shulchan Aruch. He adds, however, that if one's father was his main teacher of Torah, he should refrain from sitting there for 12 months, out of honor for the Torah. (However, if one's refraining from sitting in the ...


6

Ohr HaYashar to Hilkhot Mamrim (6:3) points this out, but doesn't seem to answer. Daf Al Hadaf to Pesahim (56a) quotes several answers: the Sefer Merafsin Igra (page 233) is cited as suggesting that in reality the sons added honorifics to his name that are omitted by the verse. Alternatively, it suggests on the basis of Berakhot (4a) that an inherently ...


6

You can ask the same question about a Jewish-from-birth father who happened never to have been circumcised. Minchas Chinuch 48 rules that the sin of injuring one's parent does not apply if one does it with the parent's permission. Shulchan Aruch YD 241:3 seems to disagree, but Rama clarifies that SA is strict only if no one else is available to do what the ...


6

There are instances where a child can use their parent's name. According to the Radvaz, Hilchos Mamrim 6:3, s.v. אבל, a child may use their parent's name, even in their parent's presence (and presumably even to the parent, although he does not explicate that point), as long as it is qualified with an honorific, such as Reb/Rav Avrohom, or Don Avraham. R' ...


6

Even if Torah study is greater than father's honor (SA YD 240:13), one should nevertheless take care in correcting one's father. The Rambam writes (MT Mamrim 6:11) If he sees his father violate Torah law, he should not tell him: 'Father, you transgressed Torah law.' Instead, he should tell him: 'Father, is not such-and-such written in the Torah?', as ...


5

Number 1 ( Agree to the parents' request and don't give ma'aser ). That's what Rabbi Dovid Feinstein told me. The reason he gave for this was that it is a present with a stipulation. He also said that if the gift is large, there is an assumed stipulation and one need not give. His mashal (example) was a car. I asked what's the smallest large amount one can ...


5

ArtScroll has a book titled "The Fifth Commandment" that sounds like it might be what you're looking for.


5

One example is the ruling of the Terumat Hadeshen (40; cited here) that one can choose one's yeshiva over the objection of one's parents. Similarly, the Pri Chadash (cited in Pitchei Teshuva 240:8) infers from this rule that one can study far from his parents even though this will prevent his being available to honor them.


5

Yeshivat Hesder Yerucham has a long discussion on Kibud Av V'Aim. It mentions in the name of Harav Yaakov Ariel that Midas Chasidus is not Doche Kibud Av V'Aim. הוא מסביר שזה תלוי בשאלה האם הידור מצווה דוחה כיבוד אב ואם, שכן במצוות מלחמת מצווה יוצאים ידי חובה גם כטוראי פשוט. הרי"א מוכיח שמידת חסידות לא דוחה כבוד אב ואם, וכן מנהג.


5

I found an issue which addresses not directly your question but regards the right behavior regarding the kibbud av vaem when the parents have an inappropriate way of life concerning the halacha, or when they did not behave righteously in the past and repented. Shulchan Aruch YD 240, 19: A bastard has a duty to honor his father and to fear him. Even if ...


5

The source for this is derasha in the Talmud (Ketubot 103a): כבד את אביך ואת אמך את אביך זו אשת אביך ואת אמך זו בעל אמך וי"ו יתירה לרבות את אחיך הגדול Honor your father [et avikha] and your mother [ve’et immekha]. The preposition et in the phrase: Your father; this teaches that you must honor your father’s wife. Similarly, the preposition et in the ...


5

The Talmud (Ketubot 103a) states: כבד את אביך ואת אמך את אביך זו אשת אביך ואת אמך זו בעל אמך וי"ו יתירה לרבות את אחיך הגדול Honor your father [et avikha] and your mother [ve’et immekha]. The preposition et in the phrase: Your father; this teaches that you must honor your father’s wife. Similarly, the preposition et in the phrase: And your mother; ...


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