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18

I am a convert and have learned both opinions. My late Rav, Rabbi Gedaliah Anemer, zt'l, held in accordance with the Rema. I did not sit shiva for my father or say the kaddish for him. However, Rabbi Yitzhok Breitowitz, shlita, told me that because there are "chashuvah" poskim who hold otherwise, e.g. Rav Ovadiah Yosef, the response should be based on ...


18

In the Shul I daven in the Gabbai's father Davens there often and the Rav told him to call him up Yaamod Avi Mori. I found that Sefer Dinei Kriyas HaTorah - Rabbi Naftali Hoffner says that you should call the father up as Yaamod Avi U'Mori........


18

Yes. See Igros Moshe YD 2:130, and importantly the Rambam Mamrim 5:11 where he writes: הגר אסור לקלל אביו העכו"ם ולהכותו. ולא יבזהו כדי שלא יאמרו באו מקדושה חמורה לקדושה קלה שהרי זה מבזה אביו. אלא נוהג בו מקצת כבוד.‏ A convert is prohibited from cursing his non-Jewish father or hitting him. And he shouldn't disgrace him, so that people shouldn'...


15

The Shu"t Beit Avi (5:56) was asked this question and concludes that one should call him up as "Abba Isaac ben Moses" (for example). He says that by using the honorific "Abba" one alleviates the issue of calling one's parent by their first name (outlined in Shulchan Aruch YD 240:2). He notes that even though the Shulchan Aruch sounds like it is forbidden to ...


12

Kibbud Av VaEim UMoraam 6:11 cites two opinions on this subject. Chida and Sdei Chemed argue that indeed in that case the child should use a different title for his father; by contrast, the Ben Ish Chai (in his responsa Torah Lishmah) says that "Abba" is inherently a respectful title. (It is interesting, too, that we find the amora Shmuel calling his father ...


11

Considering the fact that the Torah only writes of one's relationship to one's parents in terms of fear and respect, it would seem that the answer is no (as this Rabbi's asserts rather emphatically). The Chayei Adam, however, writes in the beginning of the Laws of Honoring Parents: פשיטא שצריך לאהוב אותם כגופו שהרי הוא בכלל ואהבת לרעך כמוך אלא שבאביו ...


11

The Shulchan Aruch 240:18 discusses a father who is a Rasha. The Mechaber holds that there is Kibud av by a Rasha (not defined), but Ram"a argues. ממזר חייב בכבוד אביו ובמוראו. אפילו היה אביו רשע ובעל עבירות – מכבדו ומתיירא ממנו. הגה: ויש אומרים דאינו מחוייב לכבד אביו רשע, אלא אם כן עשה תשובה. (טור ומרדכי פרק "כיצד", ובהגהות מיימוני פרק שישי ...


10

Ma'ayaneh Shel Torah quotes the The Chiddushei HaRIM that when Dama ben Nesina lost a huge sum of money because he was honoring his father, it created a Heavenly Accusation against the Jewish people. By giving him a red heifer, G-d showed that while a non-Jew was willing to lose a large amount of money for a Mitzvah that makes sense, the Jews were willing ...


10

Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 240:14 rules that if someone's divorced parents both ask him for a favor (the case of the S.A. is requesting a drink), he may choose to respond to either one first. Pischei Teshuva s.k. 12 suggests that for sustenance and clothing the mother would get precedence.


9

Tzitz Eliezer 14:73 spells this one out very explicitly: it's identical for sons and daughters -- the parents can't force them to marry or not-marry someone if they don't want to. (Though he adds that it's usually the right thing to do for both sons and daughters to ask their parents' advice or otherwise involve them somehow.) There is one responsum of the ...


8

The Maharsha to Megilla 16b asks this question and explains that after the 14 years that Yaakov spent in the Yeshiva of Shem and Ever before he came to Charan Esav calmed down and Rivka sent Devorah to call Yaakov back. Since he did not return for 22 years he was punished. The Ben Yehoyada (Ben Ish Chai) writes (Megila 17a): His sin was that he remained for ...


8

Here is one answer I found Question: Is a physician or dentist permitted to diagnose and treat illness in close members of his own family? Does the ruling apply equally to parent, sibling, spouse, child, aunt, uncle, cousin, nephew, niece etc.? Is a physician permitted to perform a complete physical examination on his close relative? May a physician or ...


8

Shulchan Aruch in Yoreh Deah siman 240 siff 5 says one is required to lose work in order to honor his parents, even though this will cause the child to end up needing to collect money for himself. However, this is only when the son has money to support himself that day, if he does not have even that much, he does not have to lose work.


8

While one needs to be careful any time one gives rebuke, one needs to be especially careful when dealing with a parent: Kitzur Shulchan Aruch - 143:10 רָאָה לְאָבִיו שֶׁעוֹבֵר עַל דִבְרֵי-תוֹרָה, לֹא יֹאמַר לוֹ, עָבַרְתָּ עַל דִּבְרֵי תוֹרָה, אֶלָּא יֹאמַר לוֹ, אַבָּא, כְּתִיב בַּתּוֹרָה כָּךְ וְכָךְ, כְּאִלּוּ הוּא שׁוֹאֵל מִמֶּנוּ, וְלֹא כְּמַזְהִירוֹ, ...


7

The Rashb"a writes in his Tshuvos Volume I: siman 18 that kibud av vaim is like tzdakkah and charity is dependent on the receiver because maybe he will refuse to accept, and he (the giver) won't be able to perform the mitzvah. When the action of the mitzvah is not completely dependent on the giver then there is no bracha (from Sefer Pisgamei Oraisa which ...


7

Straight out of the Yerushalmi Talmud: Pe'a 1:1 and repeated in Qiddushin 1:7. אמו של רבי ישמעאל באת ואמרה וקבלה עליו לרבותינו אמרה גערו בישמעאל בני שאינו נוהג בי כבוד באותה שעה נתכרכמו פניהן של רבותינו אמרין איפשר לית רבי ישמעאל נוהג בכבוד אבותיו אמרו לה מהו עביד ליך אמרה כד נפיק מבית וועדא אנא בעה משזנה ריגלוהי ומישתי מהן ולא שבק לי אמרין הואיל והוא ...


7

The Chamudei Daniel, cited by the Pischei Teshuvah Yoreh Deah 240:22 says that one may pray in the shul where he will have more kavvanah. Rav Pam points out that one should take into consideration other possible ramifications before acting on this ruling. See here.


7

The commandment of kibbud av v'eim does not apply to adoptive parents (Sotah 49a - right before the Mishna). However, there is a moral obligation of hakarat hatov (gratitude) which requires that the child honor his/her adoptive parents. (Source. The article states that "one must honor his/her adoptive parents as much as if they were the biological parents." ...


6

This is discussed by R' Yaakov Tzvi Mecklenburg in Hak'sav V'hakabbala. Originally, he suggests, as @Alex did in the comments, that it was permitted since Yaakov had already introduced them at his fathers in starting with "קברו אותי אל אבותי". However, because of other cases where we find this rule violated (namely, Bereshis 50:24 and 25:4), he offers the ...


6

I read in Sefer Minhat Yehuda by HaMekubal HaEloki Rabbi Yehuda Fetaya, and he says that one shouldn't ask why he didn't send a letter to his father telling him the situation. INTRO: First of all, I think he is going on the premise that he can't just get up and leave- was sold. ANSWER: He thought his father had died from the pain of losing him. And this ...


6

Nitei Gavriel Hilchos Aveilos 2 - 88:5 mentions that some people have a Minhag if they have not gone for 10 years to their parents grave not to go anymore. Then he goes on to say that there are those who after 7 years of not going to their parents grave do not go anymore. And he concludes that there are those who are not concerned about this at all. Sources ...


6

The She'arim Metzuyanim BaHalachah (128:12) writes that the custom not to visit your father's grave after not seeing him for seven years has no basis in halachah, and we even have a proof to the opposite from the Zohar.


6

He calls him אבא מרי (or מורי). Examples include a letter of his printed in Toldos Rabbeinu Avraham ben Ha-Rambam, and numerous places in his commentary on the Torah.


6

The Nishmas Avraham (Chelek Hey Choshen Mishpat Siman 42) and Yalkut Yosef (Kibbud Av Va'em Perek Vov Sif Vov) (among others), rule that an adopted child is obligated in honoring his biological parents. Although there might have been room to say that giving their son up for adoption is considered mechila (release) of their right to be honored, they both ...


6

The Mechaber YD 240:18 paskens like the Rambam that one is obligated to honor his father who is a Rasha. The Rema there paskens like the Tur that he is not liable. That means that Ashkenazim who follow the Rama certainly don't have to honor their father who is an idolator, and sefardim who follow the Mechaber presumably would still have to honor him. (One ...


6

After my father crushed my dreams, and refused to pay for my university in England, I wanted to take revenge on him. Serious problem right here. Basically at eighteen, you're on your own. It's normally a nice thing for parents to help out beyond that, but they are not obligated to do so. If you were expecting a favor and didn't receive it, it's natural to ...


6

Your question shows that you care about the biblical commandment not to take revenge. Evidently, you are not simply putting on a show of religiosity to provoke your father, which would have only required displaying some of the more visible trappings of religion. Regardless of your original intent, you seem to have developed a positive motivation for mitzva ...


6

In order to properly answer this question, first we have to clarify what is Nekama. Minchas Chinuch 241:1 says one only transgresses Nekama with money not with causing Tzaar to another. Based on this you are not taking Nekama by keeping Mitzvos.


6

Shulchan Aruch Yoreh Deah 240:11 addresses how to correct a parent when they have made a mistake: ראה אביו שעבר על דברי תורה, לא יאמר לו: "עברת על דברי תורה". אלא יאמר לו: "אבא, כתוב בתורה כך וכך", כאילו הוא שואל ממנו ולא כמזהירו, והוא יבין מעצמו ולא יתבייש. If you see your father violating the Torah, do not say "you have violated the Torah." Rather,...


6

The Rama 240:25 writes : הגה: וכן אם האב מוחה בבן לישא איזו אשה שיחפוץ בה הבן – אין צריך לשמוע אל האב (מהרי"ק שורש קס"ז). If a father protests a marriage a son does not have to listen. I would assume to get married to a specific girl is also not under kibbud Av.


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