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Questions tagged [shidduchim-dating]

matchmaking; finding a spouse

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16
votes
3answers
531 views

How are the two tales of dancing in vineyards on the 15th of Av related?

The Mishna tells us (Taanis 26b) that on the 15th of Av, unmarried girls would borrow clothes, dance in the vineyard, and invite the unmarried men to choose them for marriage. The Talmud (Taanis 30b) ...
15
votes
7answers
3k views

40 Days Before Conception

It is written somewhere (I don't remember exactly where) that 40 days before conception, it is called out in Heaven who that person will marry. However, if the person gets married multiple times how ...
14
votes
3answers
1k views

Can someone have more than one potential soulmate simultaneously?

I have been told from several different people that it is possible for one person to have multiple Besherts (divinely intended marriage partners, soulmates if you will) to choose from. He may only ...
13
votes
4answers
5k views

Is the lemon slice added to a soda in many bars a problem kosher-wise?

Many bars (and hotel lobbies) will add a lemon wedge to the top of a glass of soda; often it's used to differentiate between Diet Coke (gets the lemon) and regular Coke (no lemon). Does this pose a ...
13
votes
1answer
470 views

Does someone who dies very young have a soulmate?

As discussed in this question, the Talmud tells us that 40 days before someone is born, a heavenly voice calls out "This person is destined for so-and-so". Not sure if anyone can answer this, but I'...
13
votes
1answer
506 views

Is it improper to invite a few single girls and a few single boys for a Shabbos meal to help fight the “shidduch crisis”

The shidduch system, according to many sources, isn't working and we're in a "shidduch crisis." See, e.g. this article. People complain, but nothing gets done. I don't see that the shadchan ...
12
votes
1answer
198 views

Did shadchanim suggest the shidduch?

Today, the role of the Shadchan is, depending on your community, to suggest to the prospective match that they meet, to introduce them, to arrange their meetings, and/or to advocate / be the ...
12
votes
1answer
619 views

Is it proper to supply a picture of a girl prior to dating?

My daughter recently started dating, and a Shidduch (match) was suggested. The boy's family requested a picture prior to deciding if they want to proceed. I felt that this was inappropriate for ...
11
votes
2answers
307 views

Mitzvah for fathers to buy things for dating-age daughters?

I heard that men whose daughters are dating have a mitzvah to supply them with things that will help them, i.e. dresses, jewelry, etc. Is there a source for this?
11
votes
3answers
835 views

Which authorities approve/disapprove of mixed events for singles?

Some weddings have mixed seating at the reception; some have separate seating. Some organizations and communities encourage or at least allow mixed events for singles; some discourage or forbid them. ...
11
votes
4answers
363 views

Does every woman have a destined match?

There is a Talmudic statement in Sotah 2a which is commonly used as the source that every person has their destined match (the parameters of "destined" is a separate discussion): והא אמר רב יהודה ...
11
votes
2answers
665 views

Must a Divorced Man Wear a Tallis While Davening?

According to a common custom among Ashkenazim, a man only starts wearing a tallis while davening after he gets married. Does a divorced man continue to wear a tallis when davening? Or could/should he ...
11
votes
1answer
1k views

May one propose with an engagement ring?

Are there any Halachic issues with giving a girl a ring while asking her to marry him? Are there any sources that discuss the sha'alah of safek Kiddushin, etc?
11
votes
1answer
356 views

(How) was Tu B'Av observed as a matchmaking/singles-meeting event through history?

I know the Talmud describes how the fifteenth day of the month of Av (Tu b'Av) was a day of ... I'd say "matchmaking", but I think "marriage-minded-singles-meeting" is more like it: אמר רבן שמעון ...
10
votes
4answers
3k views

What does a marriage proposal look like?

Most of us are familiar with the (American? Secular?) image of a proposal. The man kneels and says "will you marry me?" and so on. But what does an Orthodox proposal look like? I'm interested in any ...
10
votes
3answers
718 views

Praying at Amukah = Finding a mate. Since when?

Many people, I'm sure, have heard of the famous segulah for finding one's soulmate: praying at the grave of Yonasan ben Uziel in Amukah, Israel. I'm not asking if this works, or why it would work, or ...
10
votes
3answers
758 views

Kohanim Dating Ba'alot Teshuva

Is it necessary for a Kohen to clarify that a prospective match who is a ba'alat teshuvah has not had sexual relations with a non-Jew before dating her, or can one rely on a chezkat kashrut? If the ...
10
votes
2answers
552 views

Was Rabbi Akiva obligated to divulge that his daughter was destined to die on her wedding day?

Inspired by this question (perhaps even a duplicate). From the Talmud (Shabbat 156b) (Soncino Translation): From R. Akiba too [we learn that] Israel is free from planetary influence. For R. Akiba ...
9
votes
5answers
480 views

Why didn't Avraham tell Eliezer to go get Rivka?

In Parshas Chayei Sara, Avraham tells Eliezer to go find a wife for Yitzchok from his family, כִּי אֶל אַרְצִי וְאֶל מוֹלַדְתִּי תֵּלֵךְ וְלָקַחְתָּ אִשָּׁה לִבְנִי לְיִצְחָק:‏ and not from the ...
8
votes
2answers
790 views

What do you say when asked Shidduch information

Often when we are asked Shidduch information we are stuck between the Halachos of Lashon Hara. Suppose there is an illness you are aware of, however it really is not something that would affect a ...
8
votes
1answer
843 views

Making a kiddush for a woman that has hard time finding shidduch

There is a belief that if one did not make a kiddush for the birth of his daughter and that woman is having a hard time finding a shidduch, then they should make a kiddush and it will help. I know ...
8
votes
3answers
1k views

Having children when both parents are Tay-Sachs carriers

This is an obvious CYLOR question, but I am interested in whatever halachic information is available out there. Suppose a couple got married without ever getting genetically tested for Tay-Sachs. ...
7
votes
1answer
459 views

Not finding your bashert is a punishment for doing zera levatala?

Are there Kabbalistic or Talmudic sources saying that not finding your bashert is a punishment for doing zera levatala (wasteful seminal emission)? I heard a popular rabbi make this claim in a class ...
7
votes
1answer
1k views

shiduch date haircut during sefira

Are you allowed to get a haircut during the Omer if you are going on a shiduch date?
7
votes
1answer
325 views

Genetic testing before the first date?

Let's lay down assumptions: The shidduch dating system in which young men meet with young women to interact socially is permitted, and in fact practiced, only with the intention of potential marriage ...
7
votes
0answers
110 views

Source for an ideal Shidduch based on proximity

A Rebbi of mine in yeshiva said in the name of Rav Ruderman z"tl who referred to a Chazal that a person should ideally try to marry someone from the "same מבוי (street), if not then the same שכונה (...
6
votes
1answer
866 views

Are there any recent statistics showing the “marriage longevity” rate for shidduch arranged marriages?

There has been a "local" campaign in my neighborhood, recently, suggesting that young singles should only use shidduchim (matchmakers) when seeking to become married. Part of the "ad" campaign ...
6
votes
1answer
184 views

Letting people know you're dating

There seems to be an untold rule in the chareidi community that you don't tell people you are dating unless there is an explicit reason to tell them. I get why people might not want everyone knowing ...
6
votes
2answers
454 views

Laws regarding excessive conversation while dating

In speaking with a friend regarding conversation between men and women who are dating, this is what they said: So I asked someone who knows about these things and she said that it originates from ...
6
votes
1answer
353 views

What is the proper protocol for breaking a shidduch?

You are set up a shidduch and you go out for a few dates. It doesn't work out. What do you do? Is there a difference if you go on a few dates or if you go on many? Should you provide a reason or ...
6
votes
0answers
315 views

Height of havdalah candle = height of spouse?

I have seen havdalah ceremonies where a unmarried person is charged with holding the havdalah candle and is told to hold it at the height that s/he would want their spouse to be. What is the source ...
5
votes
2answers
660 views

Where could an extreme ultra-orthodox baal t'shuva etc. realistically find a shidduch? [closed]

When it comes to shidduchim, the extreme ultra-orthodox (both chassidim and non-chassidim) often seem to discriminate against equally (or even more) religious (children of) baalei t'shuva, gerim, ...
5
votes
3answers
348 views

What are good quality sites for Shidduchim

All: Boruch Hashem I am all set with my significant half but it becomes more and more revealed that we are living in "Shidduchim crisis". I wonder if there are good sites for Shidduchim - if so - ...
5
votes
2answers
2k views

What are important topics to discuss before marriage?

Eventually, one is required to get married. In the process of selecting a marriage partner, what are important topics to discuss in the dating process? In particular, I'm looking for topics that will ...
5
votes
2answers
133 views

To what extent can a Beit Din actually force someone to get married?

In an answer on this site regarding the obligation to procreate, R. Hershel Schachter is quoted as saying (emphasis mine), And although Beth Din could force someone to get married even if he did ...
5
votes
2answers
167 views

Shiduch during divorce

Is there a halachic source that allows a man to start shiduch before giving the final Get? the couple doesn’t live together for months legal agreements all signed bet din file open and final get ...
5
votes
1answer
1k views

Where can I find a “guide” to shidduch resume etiquette and protocol?

It seems that all my local shadchanim require a shiduch "resume". I am really new to this concept, and so are my kids. I looked at some samples, and I don't understand some of the abbreviations, ...
5
votes
0answers
159 views

Is there any halachic problem with providing a service (e.g., matchmaking) to someone for free, when others pay for it?

I recently got an interesting email from a shadchan (matchmaker), which I've paraphrased here: I have a potential match in mind for you. However, it is a halachic problem if I set you up with this ...
4
votes
4answers
884 views

What to look for when going on shidduchim?

Are there any sources in the Torah that list the qualities and traits one should look for when going on shidduchim? I am not looking for personal preferences, but actual Torah sources (Tanach, Talmud,...
4
votes
1answer
72 views

Yitzchak Avinu and Eretz Yisrael

I remember reading somewhere that the reason Yitzchak did not go to see Rivkah before engaging/marrying her (even though you are supposed to see the girl before engaging/marrying her per gemara ...
4
votes
1answer
220 views

Can I use kibud av v'em to get my son to date somebody?

Our son is getting older and still has this wild idea from his 20s and 30s that he will find a model who knows shas! We try to explain that it is getting harder as he gets older, to no avail. There ...
4
votes
2answers
177 views

Do the Orthodox still Use Matchmakers?

I recently read an article about Jewish matchmaking. I was not aware that such a thing still existed. Is this a universal Orthodox method? Is it enforced? Does a person have to accept the match made ...
4
votes
2answers
428 views

Should you pay a shadchan if the shidduch was successful after a break up?

(Aside from a segulah for shalom bais, it's general practice to pay a shadchan their fee upon a successful shidduch - it might even be halacha.) A shadchan sets up Moshe and Sarah. They go out 4-5 ...
4
votes
1answer
345 views

If a shidduch says “no” to you, does that mean that they are not your zivug? [closed]

If a shidduch says "no" to you, does that mean that they are not your zivug (predetermined soulmate)? Some sources: Forty days before the formation of an embryo, a Heavenly voice proclaims: The ...
3
votes
2answers
185 views

paying for an apartment

I recently came across an article describing the situation in Israel where in order to finalize an engagement, the parents have to pay for an entire apartment (not just a down payment, the whole price)...
3
votes
2answers
351 views

What is the procedure for a Shiduch inside the Satmar community?

What is the procedure for a Shiduch inside the Satmar community? Can they "date" outside of parents house? What happens if the girl (or boy) is not from a religious family, do they date in the house ...
3
votes
1answer
874 views

Segulot for finding a Shidduch

If someone is having a hard time finding a shidduch, what can they do to help the process along? Are there any recommendations brought in the holy books that will make it easier?
3
votes
1answer
699 views

When is it ok to compliment on a date

I don't know all the rules. Both of us are from Orthodox backgrounds, "black hat" litvish. We went on 3 dates already and I was wondering if on the fourth I could give compliments. I know on earlier ...
3
votes
1answer
143 views

Dating through the Rabbis?

Is there a custom in which a man approaches his Rav to act as a liaison between himself and a lady he is interested in in order to start the dating/courting process? Someone recently recounted to me ...
3
votes
1answer
202 views

Does a man need to reveal his blemishes before marriage

A woman that does not reveal her blemishes before marriage sometimes loses her kesuba (Rambam halacha 2 here, Shulchan Aruch here) Does a man need to reveal his blemishes before marriage? Sources ...