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Questions tagged [shidduchim-dating]

matchmaking; finding a spouse

5
votes
2answers
122 views

Shiduch during divorce

Is there a halachic source that allows a man to start shiduch before giving the final Get? the couple doesn’t live together for months legal agreements all signed bet din file open and final get ...
1
vote
1answer
102 views

Giving your z'chus to someone else

B"H, I did - or almost did - a good deed. (It will be finalized bez"H in a mazeldiker shoh.) However, when I found out a few months ago that a good result from my actions was on the horizon, I decided ...
6
votes
0answers
89 views

Source for an ideal Shidduch based on proximity

A Rebbi of mine in yeshiva said in the name of Rav Ruderman z"tl who referred to a Chazal that a person should ideally try to marry someone from the "same מבוי (street), if not then the same שכונה (...
7
votes
1answer
200 views

Not finding your bashert is a punishment for doing zera levatala?

Are there Kabbalistic or Talmudic sources saying that not finding your bashert is a punishment for doing zera levatala (wasteful seminal emission)? I heard a popular rabbi make this claim in a class ...
3
votes
0answers
77 views

Dating and Havdala candle

I've heard people talking about the merit of a good relationship with his shidduch in dating from the act of holding the Havdala candle. How does the two relate?
10
votes
4answers
248 views

Does every woman have a destined match?

There is a Talmudic statement in Sotah 2a which is commonly used as the source that every person has their destined match (the parameters of "destined" is a separate discussion): והא אמר רב יהודה ...
3
votes
0answers
44 views

Dating when parent died

What are the laws/customs of dating/shiddichim during the first 30 days or the first year after a parent died? What if it happened to the one you are(or want to) date/ing?
2
votes
0answers
189 views

Why would the identity of the father's mohel be relevant to a potential shidduch? [closed]

A few in my neighborhood mentioned that they saw, on a shidduch resume asked "Who was the father's mohel?" My wife was asked this question from a shadchan. (No ... my wife is not dating anyone else :-)...
0
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0answers
65 views

Glancing at a photo of a potential spouse before the first date? [duplicate]

What is the general consensus of דעת תורה regarding having a quick glance at a picture of a potential spouse prior to the first date. More specifically if there is an element of inappropriateness ...
6
votes
1answer
158 views

Letting people know you're dating

There seems to be an untold rule in the chareidi community that you don't tell people you are dating unless there is an explicit reason to tell them. I get why people might not want everyone knowing ...
3
votes
1answer
169 views

Does a man need to reveal his blemishes before marriage

A woman that does not reveal her blemishes before marriage sometimes loses her kesuba (Rambam halacha 2 here, Shulchan Aruch here) Does a man need to reveal his blemishes before marriage? Sources ...
1
vote
1answer
107 views

Does anyone offer shidduch resume writing classes?

Follow up to this related question. In my neighborhood, the handful of shadchanim / ot are busy organizing and managing the shidduchim, themselves. My kids and I could use some hands-on assistance in ...
1
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0answers
143 views

Everybody marries Rochel and wakes up to Leah

I think I heard this from Rabbi Jacobson, a lecturer in theyeshiva.net but I don't recall where. In this lecture (minutes 39 to 47), he mentions it again: That everybody has expectations in his wife ...
-5
votes
1answer
105 views

To invite a girl for a drink for example is Sofek kidushin?

Is it allowed to buy and give some drink or food for the girl during the dating process?
1
vote
1answer
106 views

If a bride did not reveal a medical condition before the marriage is it a mekach taus (annuled)

@DonielF in a comment here seem to clame that (by the end of Ketubot) it is written that a marriage can be annuled (as a mekach tous) if the bride (I guess or her father) withheld information about ...
0
votes
2answers
187 views

“man seduces a woman for the sake of marriage”

Rambam isurai bia 21:13 (Chabad , sefaria , Hebrewbooks , mechon-mamre) Whenever...a man seduces a woman for the sake of marriage...all of the children born in these situations will be rebellious ...
2
votes
1answer
271 views

Standard engagement timeframe in modern Orthodox and Yishivish circles

I am recently new to this shidduchim scene and I am wondering what standard engagement timeframes are for the out-of-town modern orthodox and Yishivish circles. Once a couple becomes engaged how long ...
2
votes
1answer
119 views

What's the best way to find a spouse? [closed]

My question If you base your life on Jewish law and tradition, what's the best way to find a husband or wife? You can recommend a process (e.g. "visit a matchmaker" or "ask a friend to recommend ...
2
votes
4answers
416 views

(How) can a man seek favor from (or woo) a potential bride and/or her family?

Regarding Jews 1. Is a man permitted to woo the maiden (/her parents)? (Maybe it is not tznius (since maybe this is what a man does only to his wife)) 2. Is it preferable that he (or family) do it ? 3....
1
vote
1answer
754 views

Going to a mekubal to check out a shidduch

Some people go to Hassidic Rebbes or Mekubalim to give them the names of both sides of a potential shidduch to see if the names match. Are these Rabbis actually able look at the names and "see" if it ...
1
vote
1answer
99 views

Books on Dating and Marriage [closed]

Which books on the halakha and minhagim of dating and marriage are generally considered the most reliable?
2
votes
1answer
208 views

Is it permitted for a parent to turn down a potential match for their child without the child knowing?

In Yoreh Deah 240:25 says the following, אִם הָאָב רוֹצֶה לְשָׁרֵת אֶת הַבֵּן, מֻתָּר לְקַבֵּל מִמֶּנּוּ אֶלָּא אִם כֵּן הָאָב בֶּן תּוֹרָה. תַּלְמִיד שֶׁרוֹצֶה לָלֶכֶת לְמָקוֹם אַחֵר, שֶׁהוּא ...
1
vote
1answer
248 views

Going on a date

The custom nowadays is that a boy and girl go on shidduch dates to see if they are for eachother. Halachically speaking would a boy be allowed to go on a date if he is worried that he will excessively ...
1
vote
0answers
138 views

How was it permissible to send the daughters out to dance?

As discussed in Taanis 31a, it was on Tu B'Av that the men of Yisrael sent their daughters to dance in the vineyard as a loophole to their vow not to marry their daughters off to Shevet Binyamin, in ...
2
votes
0answers
18 views

The chassan giving berachos on the day of his wedding [duplicate]

I heard from someone that the chasan - on the day of his chuppah - can give unmarried bochurim a berachah to find a shidduch. Is there a source for this?
2
votes
1answer
310 views

The proper age for a boy to start dating

From a halachic viewpoint, what is the proper age for a boy to meet one's potential wife nowadays? (i.e. dating)
3
votes
1answer
156 views

Payment for Shadchanim

Where did the idea of paying a shadchan come from? Is it an obligation? Is it just like paying anyone for a service? If so, why do we only pay if the shidduch leads to a marriage? Additionally, who ...
3
votes
1answer
268 views

Validity to the saying that 3 shidduchim guarantee a place in olam haba?

This question discusses the idea that certain practices (e.g., saying ashrei yoshvei [Tehilim 145] three times a day) guarantees a place in olam haba. One common saying is that facilitating 3 ...
13
votes
1answer
442 views

Is it improper to invite a few single girls and a few single boys for a Shabbos meal to help fight the “shidduch crisis”

The shidduch system, according to many sources, isn't working and we're in a "shidduch crisis." See, e.g. this article. People complain, but nothing gets done. I don't see that the shadchan ...
4
votes
2answers
317 views

Should you pay a shadchan if the shidduch was successful after a break up?

(Aside from a segulah for shalom bais, it's general practice to pay a shadchan their fee upon a successful shidduch - it might even be halacha.) A shadchan sets up Moshe and Sarah. They go out 4-5 ...
0
votes
1answer
156 views

Is there an “official” or reliable shidduch guide or “manual”?

My boys are approaching the "shidduch" stage. I am very new to this area and other than the bits that I have red from various M.Y. questions and some items that I read in local Jewish papers, I ...
2
votes
1answer
174 views

Parents mix in to marriage until 24 years old

I was once told that parents have a bigger say regarding who you (maybe only male) marry before you are 24 years old Is this true? if yes sources please (The only thing I saw that changes after the ...
6
votes
1answer
546 views

Are there any recent statistics showing the “marriage longevity” rate for shidduch arranged marriages?

There has been a "local" campaign in my neighborhood, recently, suggesting that young singles should only use shidduchim (matchmakers) when seeking to become married. Part of the "ad" campaign ...
4
votes
2answers
150 views

Do the Orthodox still Use Matchmakers?

I recently read an article about Jewish matchmaking. I was not aware that such a thing still existed. Is this a universal Orthodox method? Is it enforced? Does a person have to accept the match made ...
1
vote
0answers
161 views

Is Sikhism Compatible with the 7 Laws of Noah [closed]

I am an observant Noahide looking to get married. Could you please let me know if Sikhism is compatible with the 7 Laws of Noah? Is there a rabbi you could refer me to for discussing this further? ...
3
votes
1answer
562 views

When is it ok to compliment on a date

I don't know all the rules. Both of us are from Orthodox backgrounds, "black hat" litvish. We went on 3 dates already and I was wondering if on the fourth I could give compliments. I know on earlier ...
4
votes
1answer
294 views

If a shidduch says “no” to you, does that mean that they are not your zivug? [closed]

If a shidduch says "no" to you, does that mean that they are not your zivug (predetermined soulmate)? Some sources: Forty days before the formation of an embryo, a Heavenly voice proclaims: The ...
6
votes
1answer
291 views

What is the proper protocol for breaking a shidduch?

You are set up a shidduch and you go out for a few dates. It doesn't work out. What do you do? Is there a difference if you go on a few dates or if you go on many? Should you provide a reason or ...
3
votes
1answer
156 views

Are there any halachic issues with apologizing to a past shidduch before rosh hashanah?

If someone feels that there might have been some wrong doing during a past shidduch and would like to apologize before judgement day, can one do so or should he/she just let it be? The issues that ...
12
votes
1answer
568 views

Is it proper to supply a picture of a girl prior to dating?

My daughter recently started dating, and a Shidduch (match) was suggested. The boy's family requested a picture prior to deciding if they want to proceed. I felt that this was inappropriate for ...
0
votes
1answer
57 views

Where is this Radvaz?

Simcha LeIsh quotes the Radvaz siman 21 saying ואם באמת חש לסכנה הי צריך לחוש למה שכתב בשערי רחמים (דף יא) שלנתק קשר תנאים הוא סכנה גדולה, וטוב יותר לנתק קשר נישואין ע״י גט מלנתק קשר תנאים. ...
2
votes
1answer
244 views

You're on a date in a park in the evening, what should you avoid to ensure the proper yichud rules are addressed?

Yichud prohibits seclusion between a man and woman who are unrelated (roughly). If a couple is on a shidduch and a park is the venue, what exactly makes the park problematic? If the park has at ...
0
votes
1answer
433 views

What halachos change when dating? [closed]

If one is dating a boy/girl with intention to potentially marrying him/her, does that change in any way according to halachah what one may or may not do to/with him/her?
12
votes
1answer
194 views

Did shadchanim suggest the shidduch?

Today, the role of the Shadchan is, depending on your community, to suggest to the prospective match that they meet, to introduce them, to arrange their meetings, and/or to advocate / be the ...
1
vote
4answers
234 views

What is shiduchim?

In Shulchan Aruch, Even Ha'ezer 26:4, it is written: ואפילו קדשה בכסף או בשטר אם לא שידך תחלה או שקידש בשוק מכין אותו מכת מרדות והיא מקודשת: הגה וי״א שאין מכין אם קידש בכסף או בשטר אפי׳ בשוק ובלא ...
10
votes
4answers
2k views

What does a marriage proposal look like?

Most of us are familiar with the (American? Secular?) image of a proposal. The man kneels and says "will you marry me?" and so on. But what does an Orthodox proposal look like? I'm interested in any ...
4
votes
1answer
68 views

Yitzchak Avinu and Eretz Yisrael

I remember reading somewhere that the reason Yitzchak did not go to see Rivkah before engaging/marrying her (even though you are supposed to see the girl before engaging/marrying her per gemara ...
0
votes
1answer
415 views

Having a girlfriend

Is there anything wrong with a young man who is not looking to get married having a girlfriend? Assume that he would not touch her or have sex with her.
3
votes
1answer
137 views

Dating through the Rabbis?

Is there a custom in which a man approaches his Rav to act as a liaison between himself and a lady he is interested in in order to start the dating/courting process? Someone recently recounted to me ...
5
votes
0answers
154 views

Is there any halachic problem with providing a service (e.g., matchmaking) to someone for free, when others pay for it?

I recently got an interesting email from a shadchan (matchmaker), which I've paraphrased here: I have a potential match in mind for you. However, it is a halachic problem if I set you up with this ...