Questions tagged [shidduchim-dating]

matchmaking; finding a spouse

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Source of saying that 3 Shidduchim guarantees a place in olam haba [duplicate]

My question is related to this question. It seems that there is no textual source for this idea. I was wondering anyone knows or can make a guess as to when and how this idea developed?
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108 views

What are the halachic ramifications of dating sites?

Is the viewing of pictures on dating sites and applications such as JDate considered to be within the acceptable bounds of halacha or is it more akin to lewdness?
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Legal status of Abraham sending Eliezer to marry Rivka

I'm confused about the legal status of Abraham sending his slave to get Rivka from Bethuel. IIRC, Isaac was completely unaware of the mission, he didn't send Eliezer, Abraham was one to send Eliezer ...
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51 views

Destined how many shidduch proposals?

Rabbi Dr. Wikler (p. 142) quotes a story of a Chassidic Rebbe looking for a shidduch for his daughter who would pay shadchanim for proposing a potential match even though the Rebbe declined the offer. ...
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102 views

Is one allowed to say that a girl is simpleminded when giving shidduch information? [closed]

If a person is trying to help another make a shidduch (assist in arranging a potential marriage), they may know that a particular boy would be looking for a smart girl. If the person has information ...
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Question about shidduchim and finding your bashert?

I know this is kind of a weird and long-shot question, but are there any Torah sources which mention signs (simanim) that a person is about to find their bashert? And are there are any sources which ...
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2answers
184 views

To what extent can a Beit Din actually force someone to get married?

In an answer on this site regarding the obligation to procreate, R. Hershel Schachter is quoted as saying (emphasis mine), And although Beth Din could force someone to get married even if he did ...
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988 views

Making a kiddush for a woman that has hard time finding shidduch

There is a belief that if one did not make a kiddush for the birth of his daughter and that woman is having a hard time finding a shidduch, then they should make a kiddush and it will help. I know ...
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Shiduch during divorce

Is there a halachic source that allows a man to start shiduch before giving the final Get? the couple doesn’t live together for months legal agreements all signed bet din file open and final get ...
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1answer
276 views

Giving your z'chus to someone else

B"H, I did - or almost did - a good deed. (It will be finalized bez"H in a mazeldiker shoh.) However, when I found out a few months ago that a good result from my actions was on the horizon, I decided ...
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Source for an ideal Shidduch based on proximity

A Rebbi of mine in yeshiva said in the name of Rav Ruderman z"tl who referred to a Chazal that a person should ideally try to marry someone from the "same מבוי (street), if not then the same שכונה (...
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851 views

Not finding your bashert is a punishment for doing zera levatala?

Are there Kabbalistic or Talmudic sources saying that not finding your bashert is a punishment for doing zera levatala (wasteful seminal emission)? I heard a popular rabbi make this claim in a class ...
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132 views

Dating and Havdala candle

I've heard people talking about the merit of a good relationship with his shidduch in dating from the act of holding the Havdala candle. How does the two relate?
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455 views

Does every woman have a destined match?

There is a Talmudic statement in Sotah 2a which is commonly used as the source that every person has their destined match (the parameters of "destined" is a separate discussion): והא אמר רב יהודה ...
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Dating when parent died

What are the laws/customs of dating/shiddichim during the first 30 days or the first year after a parent died? What if it happened to the one you are(or want to) date/ing?
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224 views

Why would the identity of the father's mohel be relevant to a potential shidduch? [closed]

A few in my neighborhood mentioned that they saw, on a shidduch resume asked "Who was the father's mohel?" My wife was asked this question from a shadchan. (No ... my wife is not dating anyone else :-)...
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247 views

Letting people know you're dating

There seems to be an untold rule in the chareidi community that you don't tell people you are dating unless there is an explicit reason to tell them. I get why people might not want everyone knowing ...
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1answer
262 views

Does a man need to reveal his blemishes before marriage

A woman that does not reveal her blemishes before marriage sometimes loses her kesuba (Rambam halacha 2 here, Shulchan Aruch here) Does a man need to reveal his blemishes before marriage? Sources ...
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1answer
128 views

Does anyone offer shidduch resume writing classes?

Follow up to this related question. In my neighborhood, the handful of shadchanim / ot are busy organizing and managing the shidduchim, themselves. My kids and I could use some hands-on assistance in ...
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190 views

Everybody marries Rochel and wakes up to Leah

I think I heard this from Rabbi Jacobson, a lecturer in theyeshiva.net but I don't recall where. In this lecture (minutes 39 to 47), he mentions it again: That everybody has expectations in his wife ...
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1answer
152 views

To invite a girl for a drink for example is Sofek kidushin?

Is it allowed to buy and give some drink or food for the girl during the dating process?
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1answer
241 views

If a bride did not reveal a medical condition before the marriage is it a mekach taus (annuled)

@DonielF in a comment here seem to clame that (by the end of Ketubot) it is written that a marriage can be annuled (as a mekach tous) if the bride (I guess or her father) withheld information about ...
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2answers
331 views

"man seduces a woman for the sake of marriage"

Rambam isurai bia 21:13 (Chabad , sefaria , Hebrewbooks , mechon-mamre) Whenever...a man seduces a woman for the sake of marriage...all of the children born in these situations will be rebellious ...
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1answer
475 views

Standard engagement timeframe in modern Orthodox and Yishivish circles

I am recently new to this shidduchim scene and I am wondering what standard engagement timeframes are for the out-of-town modern orthodox and Yishivish circles. Once a couple becomes engaged how long ...
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1answer
151 views

What's the best way to find a spouse? [closed]

My question If you base your life on Jewish law and tradition, what's the best way to find a husband or wife? You can recommend a process (e.g. "visit a matchmaker" or "ask a friend to recommend ...
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4answers
637 views

(How) can a man seek favor from (or woo) a potential bride and/or her family?

Regarding Jews 1. Is a man permitted to woo the maiden (/her parents)? (Maybe it is not tznius (since maybe this is what a man does only to his wife)) 2. Is it preferable that he (or family) do it ? 3....
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1answer
1k views

Going to a mekubal to check out a shidduch

Some people go to Hassidic Rebbes or Mekubalim to give them the names of both sides of a potential shidduch to see if the names match. Are these Rabbis actually able look at the names and "see" if it ...
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1answer
126 views

Books on Dating and Marriage [closed]

Which books on the halakha and minhagim of dating and marriage are generally considered the most reliable?
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1answer
275 views

Is it permitted for a parent to turn down a potential match for their child without the child knowing?

In Yoreh Deah 240:25 says the following, אִם הָאָב רוֹצֶה לְשָׁרֵת אֶת הַבֵּן, מֻתָּר לְקַבֵּל מִמֶּנּוּ אֶלָּא אִם כֵּן הָאָב בֶּן תּוֹרָה. תַּלְמִיד שֶׁרוֹצֶה לָלֶכֶת לְמָקוֹם אַחֵר, שֶׁהוּא ...
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1answer
305 views

Going on a date

The custom nowadays is that a boy and girl go on shidduch dates to see if they are for eachother. Halachically speaking would a boy be allowed to go on a date if he is worried that he will excessively ...
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316 views

How was it permissible to send the daughters out to dance?

As discussed in Taanis 31a, it was on Tu B'Av that the men of Yisrael sent their daughters to dance in the vineyard as a loophole to their vow not to marry their daughters off to Shevet Binyamin, in ...
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0answers
20 views

The chassan giving berachos on the day of his wedding [duplicate]

I heard from someone that the chasan - on the day of his chuppah - can give unmarried bochurim a berachah to find a shidduch. Is there a source for this?
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1answer
419 views

The proper age for a boy to start dating

From a halachic viewpoint, what is the proper age for a boy to meet one's potential wife nowadays? (i.e. dating)
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1answer
310 views

Payment for Shadchanim

Where did the idea of paying a shadchan come from? Is it an obligation? Is it just like paying anyone for a service? If so, why do we only pay if the shidduch leads to a marriage? Additionally, who ...
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1answer
576 views

Validity to the saying that 3 shidduchim guarantee a place in olam haba?

This question discusses the idea that certain practices (e.g., saying ashrei yoshvei [Tehilim 145] three times a day) guarantees a place in olam haba. One common saying is that facilitating 3 ...
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1answer
573 views

Is it improper to invite a few single girls and a few single boys for a Shabbos meal to help fight the "shidduch crisis"

The shidduch system, according to many sources, isn't working and we're in a "shidduch crisis." See, e.g. this article. People complain, but nothing gets done. I don't see that the shadchan ...
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2answers
561 views

Should you pay a shadchan if the shidduch was successful after a break up?

(Aside from a segulah for shalom bais, it's general practice to pay a shadchan their fee upon a successful shidduch - it might even be halacha.) A shadchan sets up Moshe and Sarah. They go out 4-5 ...
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1answer
235 views

Is there an "official" or reliable shidduch guide or "manual"?

My boys are approaching the "shidduch" stage. I am very new to this area and other than the bits that I have red from various M.Y. questions and some items that I read in local Jewish papers, I ...
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1answer
191 views

Parents mix in to marriage until 24 years old

I was once told that parents have a bigger say regarding who you (maybe only male) marry before you are 24 years old Is this true? if yes sources please (The only thing I saw that changes after the ...
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1answer
941 views

Are there any recent statistics showing the "marriage longevity" rate for shidduch arranged marriages?

There has been a "local" campaign in my neighborhood, recently, suggesting that young singles should only use shidduchim (matchmakers) when seeking to become married. Part of the "ad" campaign ...
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2answers
253 views

Do the Orthodox still Use Matchmakers?

I recently read an article about Jewish matchmaking. I was not aware that such a thing still existed. Is this a universal Orthodox method? Is it enforced? Does a person have to accept the match made ...
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306 views

Is Sikhism Compatible with the 7 Laws of Noah [closed]

I am an observant Noahide looking to get married. Could you please let me know if Sikhism is compatible with the 7 Laws of Noah? Is there a rabbi you could refer me to for discussing this further? ...
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1answer
824 views

When is it ok to compliment on a date

I don't know all the rules. Both of us are from Orthodox backgrounds, "black hat" litvish. We went on 3 dates already and I was wondering if on the fourth I could give compliments. I know on earlier ...
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1answer
451 views

If a shidduch says "no" to you, does that mean that they are not your zivug? [closed]

If a shidduch says "no" to you, does that mean that they are not your zivug (predetermined soulmate)? Some sources: Forty days before the formation of an embryo, a Heavenly voice proclaims: The ...
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1answer
468 views

What is the proper protocol for breaking a shidduch?

You are set up a shidduch and you go out for a few dates. It doesn't work out. What do you do? Is there a difference if you go on a few dates or if you go on many? Should you provide a reason or ...
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1answer
190 views

Are there any halachic issues with apologizing to a past shidduch before rosh hashanah?

If someone feels that there might have been some wrong doing during a past shidduch and would like to apologize before judgement day, can one do so or should he/she just let it be? The issues that ...
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1answer
679 views

Is it proper to supply a picture of a girl prior to dating?

My daughter recently started dating, and a Shidduch (match) was suggested. The boy's family requested a picture prior to deciding if they want to proceed. I felt that this was inappropriate for ...
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1answer
76 views

Where is this Radvaz?

Simcha LeIsh quotes the Radvaz siman 21 saying ואם באמת חש לסכנה הי צריך לחוש למה שכתב בשערי רחמים (דף יא) שלנתק קשר תנאים הוא סכנה גדולה, וטוב יותר לנתק קשר נישואין ע״י גט מלנתק קשר תנאים. ...
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1answer
324 views

You're on a date in a park in the evening, what should you avoid to ensure the proper yichud rules are addressed?

Yichud prohibits seclusion between a man and woman who are unrelated (roughly). If a couple is on a shidduch and a park is the venue, what exactly makes the park problematic? If the park has at ...
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1answer
589 views

What halachos change when dating? [closed]

If one is dating a boy/girl with intention to potentially marrying him/her, does that change in any way according to halachah what one may or may not do to/with him/her?