Questions tagged [sexuality]

NOTE: Please respect that in the Jewish tradition certain questions, especially certain questions relating to sexuality, are discussed only in private. Such questions will be closed or deleted at the discretion of the moderators or community. Also note that, like Wikipedia, this site makes no guarantee of validity, and does not offer professional (particularly rabbinic) advice. Treat information from this site like it came from a crowd of your friends.

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31 votes
23 answers
9k views

How can I curb my sexual desire?

I am looking for the best and most practical suggestion as to what a man can do to curb his yetzer hara (evil inclination) for sexual desire. Please provide sources for why your answer should be ...
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10 votes
2 answers
4k views

Does Judaism permit sexual relationships outside of marriage?

I am eager to know more about different religions from Islam to Judaism. Furthermore, how different religions look at women and comparing their kinds of approaches to the matter of gender and ...
13 votes
5 answers
9k views

From where do we know that sexual intercourse with a non-jewish woman is forbidden?

From where do we know that a jewish man cannot have sexuel intercourse with a non-jewish woman? What say the Kabbala about this ? Is it related to dark forces, "qelipoth"?
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27 votes
4 answers
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What does Judaism think about homosexuality?

Is being gay a sin? Can one be a Jew and a gay person at the same time? How does the Jewish community think about gays?
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23 votes
1 answer
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How is gender halachically determined?

I apologize if this is a sensitive topic, but it seems that this question is foundational to some of the discussions that appear here. I hope that my wording is appropriate. If I understand correctly,...
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17 votes
6 answers
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Does Judaism consider virginity to be a virtue?

Wikipedia outlines the attitudes of various cultures towards virginity including: Judaism In Judaism, sex is not considered to be sinful. Though premarital sex is disapproved, there is no ...
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21 votes
4 answers
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If masturbation is so bad, why is it not in list of 613 Mitzvos?

If masturbation is, as stated in the Shulchan Oruch (Even HaEzer 23:1), "the worst sin in the Torah", then why is it not listed in any of the various lists of 613 Mitzvos and why is there no verse in ...
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17 votes
4 answers
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Would a baalat teshuva need a get from each previous sexual relationship?

Would a baalat teshuva need a get from each previous sexual relationship? In light of the idea that marriage can be contracted solely through bi'ah/public knowledge of the couple's relationship (as ...
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4 votes
4 answers
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Why don't men go to the mikveh after relations/ejaculation?

Wayikra 15:16-18 טז וְאִישׁ, כִּי-תֵצֵא מִמֶּנּוּ שִׁכְבַת-זָרַע--וְרָחַץ בַּמַּיִם אֶת-כָּל-בְּשָׂרוֹ, וְטָמֵא עַד-הָעָרֶב. 16 יז וְכָל-בֶּגֶד וְכָל-עוֹר, אֲשֶׁר-יִהְיֶה עָלָיו שִׁכְבַת-...
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9 votes
3 answers
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No Blessing on marital relations?

Yebamoth 61b discusses the positive commandment of being fruitful and multiplying. As far as I am aware, one makes no blessing before intercourse. Why not? Please cite sources!
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6 votes
1 answer
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Are cholim obligated to please their wives?

To me it is clear that if (G-d forbid) a person is sick to the point that it will kill them, or that (G-d forbid) they will get their wife sick, there's obviously no obligation to please their wife (...
6 votes
3 answers
2k views

Homosexuality is "worse than murder"?

A sign at a recent rally protesting New York's 2011 Marriage Equality Act reads Judaism considers male homosexuality a worse sin than murder I imagine that this is a minority opinion, but does it ...
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6 votes
1 answer
1k views

sperm donation and p'ru ur'vu

Does donating sperm to a woman who is not your wife (who then goes on to bear children from it) fulfill the mitzvah of p'ru ur'vu? Alternatively, is it a violation of halakha? Does it matter whose ...
19 votes
3 answers
3k views

Aside from the days set aside for impurity, what exactly is a man allowed to do with his wife in regards to intimacy?

A man cannot touch, stare, kiss or have relations with a woman he is not married with. On the days when the laws of impurity do not apply, what exactly can a man do with his wife? Assuming extra ...
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12 votes
2 answers
692 views

Do the Nine Measures Apply to the Woman?

Nedarim 20b discusses nine mannerisms which a man should avoid whilst being intimate with his wife. The Talmud says that practicing these nine mannerisms can lead to having obstinate, rebellious ...
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10 votes
3 answers
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Resources for teaching chassan classes

I am looking for books that deal primarily with the halachos in Orach Chaim siman 240 and Even HaEzer siman 25. Due to the nature of the content it seems that the world has been reluctant to put out ...
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6 votes
4 answers
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What is the philosophy or logic for considering masturbation to be sinful?

There are a couple of questions, here and here, on this site mentioning masturbation. Both of them assume that masturbation is a sin and some of the answers cite specific texts backing that up. ...
5 votes
2 answers
3k views

Tashmish Ha-Mitah B'yom (Marital Relations by day.)

It says in Shulchan Aruch Siman 240 Sif 11 that it's prohibited to have marital relations by day unless the house is dark ("Bayis Afel".) The Rema adds that a Talmid Chacham that covers himself with ...
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4 votes
3 answers
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How do I find answers to sensitive questions I can't ask my rabbi?

I have a halachic question of a sexual nature that I feel I can't ask my rabbi. Where can I get such questions answered? Are there rabbis knowledgeable in this area who are willing to answer ...
49 votes
8 answers
5k views

What is the point of having a rapist marry the woman he raped?

Deuteronomy 22:28-29 (JPS) 28  If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, that is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; 29 then the man that lay with ...
19 votes
2 answers
2k views

Kissing and Hugging one's wife

What does it say about chibuk and nishuk (kissing and hugging) shelo b'shas tashmish (not during relations) with one's wife in Sifrei Halacha or Hashkafa? Among madrichei chassanim (those that teach ...
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14 votes
4 answers
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Why is giluey arayos one of the big 3?

I get why murder and idol worship are things you have to give your life up for. But why is giluy arayos - sexual sin so fundamental as to require a person to give up one's life? I'm looking for a ...
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12 votes
4 answers
6k views

Does the act of masturbation cause a change in one's spiritual/religious status vis-a-vis what he may and may not do?

Obviously masturbation is a very serious sin. However, if someone has already transgressed that sin, does his status change vis-a-vis things like learning Torah or davening? Does he need to go to a ...
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12 votes
3 answers
662 views

Why was there a distinction made for women captives?

In Numbers 31, God tells the Israelites to wipe out the Midianites (and incidentally, Balaam) by killing every male. But they spared certain women (v17-18): Now therefore kill every male among the ...
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11 votes
4 answers
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Which prohibition does one commit when viewing pornography?

Excluding wasting one's seed (hotzas zera l'vatelah) and Bittul Torah (wasting one's time by not learning Torah), which Jewish commandment or law (Biblical or Rabbinic) is one breaking when viewing ...
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9 votes
3 answers
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What's the difference between wasting seed and having marital relations without the possibility of conception?

It is widely known that wasting seed is one of the big sins a person can commit. However, it seems that having relations when conception is not possible--such as during menopause or during pregnancy-...
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8 votes
3 answers
487 views

Why did God created physical impulse towards the "wrong" women

When I was young and had struggles with my "yetzer hara" - sexual impulse, I was fascinated by the Jewish attitude towards that impulse. God created this impulse for a purpose. It is meant to push ...
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4 votes
4 answers
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Are girls allowed to touch themselves?

I heard the guys aren't allowed to touch themselves because its wasted seed but what about girls. Would that be okay?
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4 votes
2 answers
1k views

Source that a Jewish girl is forbidden to have relations with a non Jew

I see that it is forbidden for a Jewish girl to get married to a non-Jew (E"H 16.1) but why is she forbidden to have relations with him without marriage? Source please. (I guess the source might be ...
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3 votes
2 answers
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Tikkun for sex with a non jew?

The arizal says that it is a big sin to have sex with a non jew. If someone had sex with one how can he repent for that?
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2 votes
1 answer
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What technically constitutes adultery

I would like to better understand what exact physical acts constitute adultery between a married woman and a man that is not her husband?
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1 vote
3 answers
2k views

"Gay" people in the Torah, Talmud, Kabbalah?

What do the Torah, Talmud, Kabbalah say about people that "are gay" or have the desire to live that way? I'm not asking if it's a sin. I'm wondering how they "became gay" and how they can change? (I'...
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-5 votes
3 answers
33k views

Does the talmud promote pedophilia? [closed]

I found a surprising claim from a conservative Christian web site about halacha and relations with children. Is what they say actually true or is this wrong? From http://truthtellers.org/alerts/...
19 votes
4 answers
4k views

How can you quit a habit of visiting inappropriate websites?

The Torah teaches that, if you're an unmarried man, watching pornography is harmful to your soul. See, for example, this article by Chabad rabbi Tzvi Freeman. (If you're married and need to watch ...
16 votes
0 answers
25k views

Is oral intercourse permitted according to halacha? [closed]

What has the halacha have to say about a husband and wife sharing oral intercourse (in either direction)?
15 votes
5 answers
1k views

Why does God hate sexual immorality?

After failing to curse the Jewish people, Bilaam advised Balak to lure the Jews into sexual immorality "for their God hates zimah" (Sanhedrin 106a). We also find that many cases of forbidden relations ...
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12 votes
1 answer
2k views

Does casual sex establish a marriage?

Do premarital sexual relations effect Kiddushin (betrothal/first step of Jewish marriage) if there is no intention of getting married? If so, is the physical act itself determinative of whether or ...
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12 votes
2 answers
888 views

Are sex change operations prohibited for non-Jews?

In very specific situations some halachic decisors have permitted sex change operations, such as for infants born with some types of genital anomalies. However, the consensus seems to be that they ...
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11 votes
4 answers
2k views

Is an asexual person obligated in Pru Urvu?

Asexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by the lack of sexual attraction towards people in general. Asexuals may or may not be interested in romantic relationships, but are not physically ...
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10 votes
2 answers
2k views

May a woman look at a man for pleasure?

It's ossur for a man to look at a woman for pleasure. Even to look at her small finger with the intention of having pleasure from it (See EH"E Siman 21 Sif 1.) Is there any prohibition for a woman to ...
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9 votes
0 answers
820 views

To what extent is homosexuality forbidden among non-Jews?

All homosexual behavior is forbidden among Jews, but some actions are clearly Torah prohibitions (e.g. mishkav zachar), while some might be Rabbinic in nature (e.g. lesbian relations). Are all of ...
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8 votes
1 answer
518 views

Why has Judaism traditionally discussed intimacy only privately?

To quote msh210's formulation of this site's rule on intimate topics: Please respect that in the Jewish tradition certain questions, especially certain questions relating to sexuality, are ...
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8 votes
4 answers
16k views

What are "the tokens of virginity"?

In Deut 22:13-21, there is a mention of a spurned young wife's "tokens of her virginity", that her own father or mother can "take and bring out". What were "the tokens of virginity" that parents of a ...
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8 votes
4 answers
375 views

Why does Tanac"h frequently use the term for "knowledge" when referring to sexual relations?

Frequently, when Tanac"h speaks about a man and woman having sexual relations, it uses the term ידע as in Breishit 4:1 וְהָ֣אָדָ֔ם יָדַ֖ע אֶת־חַוָּ֣ה אִשְׁתּ֑וֹ וַתַּ֙הַר֙ וַתֵּ֣לֶד אֶת־קַ֔יִן ...
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7 votes
2 answers
1k views

Mikvah and illness

My understanding is that, as a general rule, a healthy woman may not delay going to the Mikvah for her own (or even her husband's) convenience. But I'm wondering if there are sources discussing ...
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6 votes
1 answer
172 views

Mekor that bnei t'murah doesn't apply to women- berachot 20a?

I'm trying to recall a source that the issue of bnei t'murah (having thoughts of another while having relations with one's wife) does not apply to women. I saw the related posts but I seem to think I ...
6 votes
0 answers
272 views

Should I be giving a get to my girlfriends after a breakup? [duplicate]

I have some knowledge of Jewish law, but it seems ambiguous to me in some areas, either because there are differing opinions, or no one has really explained to me the reasons for the opinions to be ...
6 votes
1 answer
4k views

When is there a heter to use a condom?

When, if ever, is there a heter for a married couple to use a condom as a form of birth control? Question was inspired by this article
5 votes
1 answer
466 views

Relations twice as segulah for boy -- What about zugos?

I had asked what is the source for the segulah of having relations twice in order to have a boy. I first asked this in order to obtain a source to better ask this question. The Gemorah says in Niddah ...
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5 votes
2 answers
584 views

A holistic explanation of King David's use of Avishag

Melachim 1:1: וְהַמֶּלֶךְ דָּוִד זָקֵן בָּא בַּיָּמִים וַיְכַסֻּהוּ בַּבְּגָדִים וְלֹא יִחַם לוֹ׃ King David was now old, advanced in years; and though they covered him with bedclothes, he never ...
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