Questions tagged [purim-torah-in-jest]
THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. "Purim Torah" is humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim. Mi Yodeya has a great collection of Purim Torah, under this tag. For our collection of *real* Q&A about Judaism, see our home page: judaism.stackexchange.com.
661
questions
0
votes
1answer
118 views
PTIJ Essssssssssssssssssssssther's angels [closed]
The gemara Megillah 15b says that three malachim (angels) helped Esther as she came before the king:
ויהי כראות המלך את אסתר המלכה אמר רבי יוחנן ג' מלאכי השרת נזדמנו לה
באותה שעה אחד שהגביה את צוארה ...
8
votes
4answers
711 views
PTIJ: Why do so many things make one liable to go to bed? [closed]
A quick search on Sefaria for the phrase chayav mitah, חייב מיתה, liable to go to bed, came up with 94 sources in the Talmud.
Why is this the prescription for so many things? Is the Torah/are the ...
14
votes
3answers
2k views
PTIJ: I live in Australia and am upside down. Where should I put my tefillin? [closed]
Should they go on my hands or my feet? I usually write with my right foot.
This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
1
vote
1answer
191 views
PTIJ: Can I use my cattle prod to get people to minyan? [closed]
If I leave an electric cattle prod on from before Shabbos, may I use it to coax Jews (gently) to come to minyan?
This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See ...
9
votes
3answers
539 views
PTIJ: Becoming fleishig [closed]
Often, I find that during conversation I am chewing the fat but I put my foot in my mouth, or end up eating crow. Eventually, I have to swallow my pride (or even eat my words).
Would I be fleishig in ...
3
votes
2answers
95 views
PTIJ: When to say chatzi Kaddish [closed]
Am I limited to saying half kaddish in the case where we only have 5 men, or if I only lost one parent?
This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the ...
4
votes
1answer
185 views
PTIJ - עדים in a pandemic [closed]
In light of the current pandemic, with many people operating through zoom, would witnesses that gave עדות (testimony) remotely be regarded as עדים זוממין?
This question is Purim Torah and is not ...
7
votes
3answers
230 views
PTIJ: According to Rava, who is the seventh prophetess? [closed]
Megillah 14a states that there were seven prophetesses, and lists them as:
Sarah
Miriam
Deborah
Hannah
Abigail
Huldah
Esther
But Rava in Pesachim 9b asks rhetorically:
And is Huldah a prophetess?
...
-1
votes
1answer
111 views
PTIJ: Cloning capability in Persia [closed]
Where do we see in Megillas Esther that ancient Persia had advanced medical technology. They could even do things that we cannot accomplish.
How did Achashveiros develop such advanced technology and ...
0
votes
2answers
92 views
PTIJ: The mentioning of 127 Medina's in Megillat Esther [closed]
The 1st verse, among several other places in Megillat Esther mentions that Ahashverush ruled over 127 Medinas.
שֶׁ֛בַע וְעֶשְׂרִ֥ים וּמֵאָ֖ה מְדִינָֽה
Medina is located in what is now called Saudi ...
4
votes
2answers
204 views
PTIJ: Should I follow “Reform”? [closed]
The Talmud often quotes a certain rabbi by the name of Reform bar Pappa: רפרם בר פפא [Kidd. 81b, Taanit 20b, Berachot 8a, etc.]
I am suspicious of him. Do I have to follow what he says?
This ...
3
votes
2answers
157 views
PTIJ: What's wrong with how the Ba'al Koreh pronounces Haman's name? [closed]
Every time the Ba'al Koreh makes a mistake, those present clop on the Bimah once at the end of the Passuk, to signal to the reader that he messed up. So what's wrong with how the Ba'al Koreh ...
11
votes
3answers
207 views
PTIJ: Who is Chaya in the Megillah? [closed]
In Esther (4:11), we find that anyone, "man or woman, [who] enters the king’s presence in the inner court without having been summoned" is to be put to death -- with only two exceptions:
...
8
votes
1answer
391 views
PTIJ: Fire codes in the Beis Hamikdash [closed]
How did the fire extinguisher/sprinkler system not put out the fire on the altar? There's an Issur of לא תכבה for one to extinguish the fire. More importantly, when the 3rd Beis Hamikdash is rebuilt, ...
2
votes
2answers
136 views
PTIJ: Why are notable rabbis called “Moron D'asara”? [closed]
Frequently I have heard people refer to a community or their shul rabbi as a "moron d'asarah" which sounds like it means "the moron of the ten".
I guess I can understand the ...
1
vote
1answer
134 views
PTIJ: Must I really increase my joy? [closed]
The mishnah teaches that when it is Adar, we all increase our joy.
משנכנס אדר מרבים בשמחה
However, I recently saw another Mishnah (Menachot 13;11) which completely contradicts this by saying that ...
1
vote
2answers
140 views
PTIJ: Why use Mashgichim when Hashem has Hashgacha Pratis and is the most qualified? [closed]
Hashem oversees everything in the universe, from the smallest singular quarks to the massive black holes ripping each other apart. There is constant Hashgacha Pratis being administered, so why do we ...
1
vote
1answer
104 views
PTIJ: What does this Mishnah Mean? [closed]
Avot 1:10 says:
שְׁמַעְיָה וְאַבְטַלְיוֹן קִבְּלוּ מֵהֶם. שְׁמַעְיָה אוֹמֵר, אֱהֹב אֶת
הַמְּלָאכָה, וּשְׂנָא אֶת הָרַבָּנוּת, וְאַל תִּתְוַדַּע לָרָשׁוּת:
Shmaya and Avtalon accepted the tradition ...
1
vote
0answers
108 views
PTIJ: What kind of hat does Hashem wear? [closed]
What kind of hat does the Almighty wear? I'm not sure which brand He wears for the 'victory hat' mentioned in אַנְעִים זְמִירות
חָבַשׁ כּובַע יְשׁוּעָה בְּראשׁו - He dons a hat of salvation on His
...
4
votes
2answers
292 views
PTIJ: Why do we say Mashiach is coming in a carriage? [closed]
Every day we say in Kaddish:
בַּעֲגָלָא וּבִזְמַן קָרִיב
[May redemption come] in a wagon, quickly.
Whether Mashiach comes in a cloud or a donkey (cf. Sanhedrin 98a), he’s not coming in a wagon. So ...
3
votes
1answer
85 views
PTIJ: Hansel & Gretel burning their house down for Biur Chametz [closed]
Are Hansel and Gretel, who live in a gingerbread house, forced to sell their house for Pesach each year (due to owning Chametz)? Are they always going to hotels for Pesach? Does this mean that by ...
5
votes
1answer
111 views
PTIJ: Gingerbread man during Pesach [closed]
How does the gingerbread man deal with the Issur of Chametz on Pesach, if he's made of leavened flour? Does he sell himself to a Goy? Doesn't this defeat the purpose of being free on Pesach, of ...
7
votes
1answer
127 views
PTIJ: Why do we announce that there is mold in shul only on the Shabbat before Rosh Hodesh? [closed]
I located this article entitled:
על הכרזת המולד בבתי הכנסת
Regarding the announcement of mold in the shul
The first paragraph says that it is common in Ashkenazi shuls to announce on Shabbat Mevarchim ...
6
votes
5answers
1k views
PTIJ: Should we get nose jobs? [closed]
I am puzzled by this exhortation in Proverbs 29:8:
וַ֝חֲכָמִ֗ים יָשִׁ֥יבוּ אָֽף
And the wise turn back their nose.
Is this an invitation to undergo nose jobs to improve our looks?
This question is ...
3
votes
1answer
98 views
PTIJ: Halacha regarding the expression: “Let's be in touch” [closed]
How is it Mutar for a man to tell a woman (or vice versa), "Let's be in touch"?
Doesn't this violate the Halachos of Shomer Negiah?
And if this is merely an expression, it seems like lying.
...
1
vote
0answers
73 views
PTIJ: What are the political implications of Purim? [duplicate]
Mordechai is introduced as אִ֥ישׁ יְמִינִֽי׃ -- ish yemini, that is, "a man of the right". [Esther 2:5]
Since he is a good and wise man, one to emulate, is this description a subtle way to ...
1
vote
2answers
83 views
Ptij: What does beer have to do with this mishna? [closed]
Baba Kamma (6:5) says-
הַמַּדְלִיק אֶת הַגָּדִישׁ, וְהָיוּ בּוֹ כֵלִים וְדָלָקוּ. רַבִּי יְהוּדָה אוֹמֵר, יְשַׁלֵּם מַה שֶּׁבְּתוֹכוֹ. וַחֲכָמִים אוֹמְרִים, אֵינוֹ מְשַׁלֵּם אֶלָּא גָּדִישׁ שֶׁל ...
2
votes
1answer
178 views
PTIJ: Was Humpty Dumpty murdered in Sodom? [closed]
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall;
All the King's horses
And all the King's men,
Couldn't put Humpty together again.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humpty_Dumpty
...
-1
votes
1answer
68 views
PTIJ: Heads and Tails with Adam HaRishon [closed]
Is the Torah describing a game of heads and tails when speaking about the creation of man? According to Brachot 61a, Chava was made from a tail (seemingly Adam's tail). According to Vayikra Rabbah on ...
7
votes
2answers
227 views
PTIJ: Could a vampire keep the Torah? [closed]
So far, what little discussion this site has had about vampires has assumed that they are evil creatures who should be killed.
But imagine that a friendly neighborhood vampire starts attending an ...
12
votes
4answers
134 views
PTIJ: Why are fields safe places to tell secrets? [closed]
In Berachos 8b, we're taught the following:
וּכְשֶׁיּוֹעֲצִין — אֵין יוֹעֲצִין אֶלָּא בַּשָּׂדֶה
When you give advice, only give advice in the field.
Why? As Rashi explains:
אלא בשדה – דאמרי אינשי ...
3
votes
1answer
124 views
PTIJ: May one interrupt the Amidah to talk to God? [closed]
I've been told that when one says the amidah, one should imagine that he is addressing the King of Kings, directly.
What happens if in the middle of the amidah, someone's cell phone rings and upon ...
12
votes
5answers
2k views
PTIJ: Halachic car-buying advice needed [closed]
Is it halachically permissible to purchase a Nissan during Adar?
This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
2
votes
1answer
69 views
PTIJ: Future heter for tattoos? [closed]
It says in Yirmiyahu 31:32:
"But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, saith the LORD, I will put My law in their inward parts, and in their heart will ...
2
votes
3answers
103 views
PTIJ: Can Mr. Potato Head be Mekayem וְאָכַלְתָּ֣ פְרִֽי־בִטְנְךָ֗ through eating Kugel? [closed]
Are the Tochachas in Devarim 28:53 cursing Mr. Potato Head that he will eat Kugel, potatoes in Cholent, Latkes, Knishes, and many other Jewish potatular (yes, a made-up word) cuisines?
Since when is ...
14
votes
4answers
824 views
PTIJ: Carrying the flu on Shabbos with no Eruv [closed]
Why don't cities take down the Eruv during the flu season, so that no one gets sick?
By taking down the Eruv, one may not carry a cold on Shabbos, which helps stop the spread of disease.
This ...
4
votes
1answer
246 views
PTIJ: Why would a Shadchan suggest a “chosen seating”? [closed]
We are a Conservative family. We know Hebrew well, but are unfamiliar with some of the religious nomenclature.
I'm quite new to the Shadchan scene. My daughter is looking to get married, and she asked ...
1
vote
1answer
84 views
PTIJ: Halachos of illegal immigrants/aliens [closed]
Based on the consequences of alien fires (unsanctioned strange fires which weren't given permission) that Nadav and Avihu brought (Parshas Shemini, Leviticus 10:1), what is the Torah's perspective on ...
5
votes
1answer
156 views
PTIJ: Behavior when visiting a chair factory [closed]
North Carolina, in particular, is well-known for making quality furniture, especially chairs and benches. My friend and I plan on visiting one of these chair factories, soon. But I was puzzled by ...
9
votes
3answers
166 views
PTIJ: Is Peter Pan forever Patur from Mitzvahs? [closed]
Whether or not Peter Pan was Jewish, it seems he could never become Chayiv to perform Mitzvahs. Being that a person requires Da'as to convert, could Peter Pan ever convert to Judaism if he never grows ...
2
votes
2answers
183 views
PTIJ: Rapunzel covering her hair [closed]
How would Rapunzel cover her hair after getting married, assuming she's Jewish?
This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
8
votes
1answer
331 views
PTIJ: Issues with Pinocchio in Halacha [closed]
Assuming Pinocchio is Jewish, is he allowed to lie on Shabbos or Yom Tov (making his nose grow longer), or does this fall under the Issur of Zoreah (besides for the Issur of lying)? What about Boneh, ...
25
votes
3answers
3k views
PTIJ: Is Schrödinger's cat inscribed in the book of Life and the book of Death? [closed]
Based on the idea of quantum mechanics, Erwin Schrödinger proposed his famous "Schrödinger's cat" idea, which is a cat that is both alive and dead until observed.
Is Schrödinger's cat ...
4
votes
0answers
78 views
PTIJ: What should be your 1st reaction to a foul-mouthed person who has laryngitis? [closed]
On of my friends has a terrible tendency to speak lashon hara. I've warned him about this many times, and I try to cover my ears or walk away. But, he keeps doing this.
This morning, I said hello to ...
1
vote
1answer
94 views
PTIJ: Rules of הלכות שטגן [closed]
I was learning הלכות שַׁטְגָּן with my חברותא and he pointed out in the ספר בשר חמורים that "וכלל הוא שאין שטגן בדבר הסמוי מן העין". What other general rules exist in הלכות שטגן?
...
4
votes
2answers
300 views
PTIJ: Where / how can I buy Human Taschen? [closed]
A friend sent me this picture of Human Taschen:
I see that it has two kashrut symbols. I find the CRC reliable. I can't quite read what the second kashrut symbol is.
I've looked in a few stores in ...
3
votes
3answers
243 views
PTIJ: corona is good? [closed]
I heard some people singing a Purim song recently. At least, I think it was a Purim song: I couldn't make out all the words, but I'm pretty sure it mentioned Mordechai, Haman, and Esther. But at the ...
6
votes
2answers
255 views
PTIJ: Kiddushin by dragonslaying? [closed]
Is it permissible to be mekadesh (betroth) a princess in "Kiddushei al-menat" (קידושי על מנת, betrothal on condition, such as here), on the condition that the person, a heroic knight, will ...
8
votes
3answers
165 views
PTIJ: When can I start learning again? [closed]
I was reviewing maseches Kesubos (17a) when I came up upon the following line:
ת"ר: מבטלין תלמוד תורה
Well, I have never heard that one from any of my Rabbis before, but of course, after ...
11
votes
4answers
416 views
PTIJ: Whose rabbinical supervision would Achashverush have used? [closed]
This is a "theoretical" question, in a sense...
In Esther 8:5, it says:
וַ֠תֹּאמֶר אִם־עַל־הַמֶּ֨לֶךְ ט֜וֹב וְאִם־מָצָ֧אתִי חֵ֣ן לְפָנָ֗יו וְכָשֵׁ֤ר הַדָּבָר֙ לִפְנֵ֣י הַמֶּ֔לֶךְ וְטוֹבָ֥ה ...
