Questions tagged [purim-torah-in-jest]
THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. "Purim Torah" is humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim. Mi Yodeya has a great collection of Purim Torah, under this tag. For our collection of *real* Q&A about Judaism, see our home page: judaism.stackexchange.com.
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Rejecting others' friend requests on Facebook [closed]
Inspired by this question:
If one receives a friend request on Facebook, especially from another Jew, is it permissible to reject them?
On the one hand, "חברים כל ישראל" - "All Jews are friends"; ...
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PTIJ: Haman was Basar b’Chalav, so how could we eat him? [closed]
Esther 3:5 says, “וימלא המן חמה” Haman was filled with butter. This would presumably make his flesh basar b’chalav, but Shemos 16:35 clearly says “ובני ישראל אכלו את־המן” the Children of Israel ate ...
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PTIJ: Using the Force on Shabbat [closed]
What halachic considerations must a Jewish Jedi take into account before using the Force on Shabbat?
This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim ...
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Is PDF avodah zarah (idol worship)? [closed]
A good rabbi always anticipates questions before they're asked, so when you start asking Rabbi Google "how do i convert to...", he's quick to suggest Judaism. And Islam. And Christianity. ...
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PTIJ: Which Dr. Seuss books should one obtain? [closed]
The Torah warns us that we should not accumulate too many Dr. Seuss books, as it states in Deuteronomy 17:16
רַק, לֹא-יַרְבֶּה-לּוֹ סוּסִים
One should not amass Seusses
Being that one should only ...
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PTIJ: Surviving the zombie apocalypse? [closed]
One of Maimonidies 13 principles of faith is believing in the resurrection of the dead wherein the dead will arise from their graves. My question is have chazal provided any guidelines for how we are ...
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PTIJ: How can I halachically kill a vampire? [closed]
Just to be safe, I've been reading up on how to vanquish a vampire. Never hurts to be too careful. From what I've read, it seems that many authorities agree that the simplest and surest way to kill a ...
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PTIJ: What is the Torah preferred brand of cell phone? [closed]
I have heard of Kosher phones. What do the classic sources (preferably Rishonim or earlier) say about the preferred type and brand of cell phone?
This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to ...
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PTIJ: whats the diffrence [closed]
Whits teh difference btween arur hAman and Baruch mosses?
--
This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy
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What's up with this strange new hechsher? [closed]
All of a sudden, I’ve seen the hechsher shown in these photos popping up on various products. I’ve never seen it before, and I don’t see it listed on any of the usual online hechsher lists.
Have ...
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PTIJ: Is Schrödinger's cat inscribed in the book of Life and the book of Death? [closed]
Based on the idea of quantum mechanics, Erwin Schrödinger proposed his famous "Schrödinger's cat" idea, which is a cat that is both alive and dead until observed.
Is Schrödinger's cat ...
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√-1 - mi yodeya? [closed]
Who knows √-1?
The traditional Passover song "Echad - mi yodeya" implies a possible presupposition that there is a Jewish significance to be found for each number.
What significant Judaism ...
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PTIJ: How do I know if MiYodeya cookies are kosher? What should I do on Pesach? [closed]
I understand many Internet sites including MiYodeya use cookies during authentication and leave them on my computer. I find this highly concerning for two reasons
even if my computer is not Jewish, I ...
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Which spouse should get up, according to G-d's advice/plan? [closed]
In Proverbs 19:21 we have
עֲצַת ה' הִיא תָקוּם
I understand this to be on the topic of division of labor between a man and his wife, in particular which one should wake up early in the morning to do ...
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What does Judaism think of math? [closed]
Is it permissible according to halacha to do math?
If so, are all kinds of math OK?
This question and its answers are Purim Torah and are not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim ...
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PTIJ: Is it permitted to time travel on Shabbos? [closed]
The Torah specifies (Shemos 16:29) “Let everyone remain where he is: let no one leave his place on the seventh day”; one may not exit one’s premises on Shabbos. Does this include traveling through ...
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PTIJ: How local does my rabbi need to be? [closed]
I've seen several comments on this site that say to check with your local rabbi to get a final decision on what you should practically do.
My question is about how local, exactly, my rabbi needs to be....
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heresy on Purim [closed]
On Purim we're supposed to engage in מִשְׁלוֹחַ מִנוּת, the sending of heresy to our fellow Jews. What are some pieces of heretical literature that are appropriate for sending on Purim? Or ones you'd ...
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How should a werewolf celebrate Pesach? [closed]
Werewolves are known for their transformation at the full moon. Unfortunately, for Jewish werewolves, this poses problems with holidays such as Pesach, Sukkot, (Shushan Purim, Pesach Sheini, Tu ...
- 23.3k
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PTIJ: Can a Cohen go into a room with 60 or more sleeping people? [closed]
This is a question I heard in yeshiva: if sleep is a sixtieth of death:
שינה אחד מששים למיתה (Brochot 57b)
... then is a Cohen, who may not be in a room with a cadaver, allowed into a room where 60+ ...
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PTIJ: Why is everyone here so angry? [closed]
I thought everybody here seemed like a nice bunch, and I had nothing to be afraid of, but I discovered in Tehillim I was wrong!
מִֽי־י֭וֹדֵעַ עֹ֣ז אַפֶּ֑ךָ וּ֝כְיִרְאָתְךָ֗ עֶבְרָתֶֽךָ
Mi Yodeya, ...
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PTIJ: Oscar the Grouch getting Tzara'at on his garbage can [closed]
If Oscar the Grouch gets Tzara'at on his garbage can, is that considered Tzara'at of clothing or Tzara'at of one's home?
This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely ...
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PTIJ: Who made the cholent? [closed]
Every week my wife and I have this problem. My wife cuts the potatoes and onions, adds the barley, beans and meat. But I spice the cholent!
I always claim I'm the one who made it because we pasken טעם ...
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Why don't Jews accept Our Lord and Savior? [closed]
Why don't Jews believe the Messiah has come? It's clear from all the Scriptures that He has come! We should all believe in Him! As it is written (Isaiah 53)
But he was wounded for our transgressions, ...
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What are the consequences of Vashti’s dual nature? [closed]
In Esther 1:9 we read,
“ושתי המלכה עשתה משתי נשים”
Vashti the queen was made of two women.
Aside from being biologically surprising, what are the consequences of this in our understanding of the ...
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PTIJ: Why can't I eat anything? [closed]
I was perusing a a Mishna, as one is wont to do, when I came across a slightly unnerving phrase in Nedarim 7:8:
אָסוּר לֶאֱכֹל
he may not eat
Well, that was a bit disconcerting. I happen to ...
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PTIJ: Should I kill my computer after installing software? [closed]
Shemot 22:17 says that a wizard should not live.
When I buy a new computer or if I've inherited a computer and I install new software, it frequently involves a wizard to set it up or install it. What ...
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PTIJ: What are my options if a server rejects a POST or PUT request? [closed]
I'm aware that if a server rejects a GET request, such as in the case of a 414 error for the URI being too long, I can force it to fulfill the GET request by having the server beaten, as the Talmud in ...
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Is the "Special K" a reliable hechsher? [closed]
Recently, I saw this logo on a package of cereal:
I couldn't locate any information on the web about this kosher symbol. Is this hechsher reliable? Who is the head mashgiach?
This question is Purim ...
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How to eat Wacky Mac [closed]
Purim is pretty clearly the wackiest day of the Jewish calendar, and of course the preferred main course for the festive meal is Wacky Mac. Now, as we all know Wacky Mac has four different components: ...
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PTIJ: How do I get out of lending a hand? [closed]
I am left-handed, and my friend recently pointed out to me that everyone has a right to use my left arm. He proved it from Shulchan Aruch Orach Chaim 27:6, where it says (and they translated):
אטר... ...
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Why did I become queen? [closed]
I'm Ester from the Purim story. My uncle Mordechai advised me to ask here on Mi Yodeya why Hashem made me queen of Persia, as it says:
וּמִי יוֹדֵעַ אִם לְעֵת כָּזֹאת הִגַּעַתְּ לַמַּלְכוּת
So, does ...
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Laws of yichud in the Soviet Union [closed]
In Soviet Union, is there heter for man and woman to seclude in same room if there is chazaka that KGB is watching?
This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. ...
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PTIJ: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? [closed]
The classic philosophical question:
If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
So, according to Purim Torah Judaism, does it?
Sources please. ;)
This ...
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If Rabbi Google quotes Mi Yodeya, can i rely on his advice? [closed]
The Israeli Rabbinate is considering granting smicha (rabbinic ordination) to Google. Now, assuming he gets accepted, what if Rabbi Google's answer is to look at Mi Yodeya?
Mi Yodeya's policy states ...
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PTIJ: May Sauron’s Ring be used for kiddushin? [closed]
May the One Ring be used to be mekadesh a woman?
At least from one perspective, the Ring seems ideal, given the verse:
אַשׁ נַזְגּ דֻּרְבַּתֻּלֻקּ, אַשׁ נַזְגּ גִּמְבַּתֻּלּ , אַשׁ נַזְגּ ת׳...
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What is the bracha when one eats the Torah? [closed]
I keep seeing all these questions which discuss "Purim Torah, Ingest" but they don't seem to address the rules of actually ingesting the Torah.
I don't know how to treat the Torah when I eat ...
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PTIJ: What does Cookie Monster eat during Pesach? [closed]
Cookie Monster loves cookies. So what does a Jewish cookie monster do during Pesach, when cookies are Chametz?
This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See ...
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Am I yotzei bikur cholim by visiting someone's Facebook page? [closed]
Since people increasingly live their lives online can I be yotzei the mitzvah of bikur cholim by visting the choleh's Facebook page?
This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
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Who is this Lamar? [closed]
I recently wished the Bam community a happy Rosh Chodesh, and Isaac responded (or at least attempted to respond - he seemed to have begun his Purim festivities early) with:
וכן למר
Also Lamar!
I get ...
- 59.1k
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Is the Torah in the public domain? (If not, what license is it?) [closed]
The public domain is, put simply, a collection of works that can be used by anyone, that are not copyrighted.
Is the Torah in the public domain? If not, how can we be printing and copyrighting it? And,...
- 23.3k
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Can one go back in time to complete a minyan? [closed]
Can one go back in time in order to complete a minyan, when his past self is already one of the minyan men?
On one hand, the requirement for ten men is met.
On the other, two of these men are actually ...
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Is a diamond (♦) part of a moderator's name? [closed]
Assuming that moderators are on-topic; how are they called up for an aliyah? Is the diamond mentioned?
It's been discussed before elsewhere on the network, though with an appalling lack of Jewish ...
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PTIJ: Can't find the fifth chelek of shulchan aruch [closed]
People keep telling me that I need to get the fifth section of Shulchan Aruch. I'm not really sure how everyone seems to know that I don't already have this chelek, but since so many people have been ...
- 59.1k
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PTIJ: Why do Ipods come in only 3 colors? [closed]
Shemot 28:6 says:
ועשו את האפוד זהב תכלת וארגמן
You shall make the Ipod gold, blue and scarlet
Why does the Torah limit making the Ipod only in these 3 colors? What's so special about these 3 specifc ...
- 71.5k
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How big did Mordechai get, and was it only in the king's palace? [closed]
According to the Megillah (9:4), Mordechai grew to a very large size whenever he was in the king's palace (כִּי־גָדוֹל מָרְדֳּכַי בְּבֵית הַמֶּלֶךְ ... כִּי־הָאִישׁ מָרְדֳּכַי, הוֹלֵךְ וְגָדוֹל).
How ...
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PTIJ: How does Hashem code with BYNH? [closed]
I'm writing an astrophysics emulator, and wanted to get as close to the original implementation as possible. The official history is a bit vague, but it's a badly-kept secret (transcribed in "Kel Adon"...
- 1,167
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PTIJ: Perl Programming in the Torah [closed]
According to Rav xkcd (an oft quoted authority in Bam), the universe was written in perl. Since the Torah is the blueprint of creation, it follows that it must contain a Perl Programming manual. Where ...
- 32.3k
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Why did the ignorant rabbis have to convert to Judaism? [closed]
Esther 9:17 says:
ורבים מעמי הארץ מתיהדים
"The ignorant rabbis became Jewish"
I thought rabbis are already Jewish, even if they are ignorant! Why did they have to convert?
This question is ...
- 71.5k
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2
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PTIJ: Can I tell you what’s on my mind? [closed]
When people ask me what’s on my mind, they’ll say “a penny for your thoughts.”
When I take the initiative to tell them what’s on my mind, it’s putting in my “two cents.”
We’re commanded not to ...
- 34.7k