Questions tagged [purim-torah-in-jest]

THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. "Purim Torah" is humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim. Mi Yodeya has a great collection of Purim Torah, under this tag. For our collection of *real* Q&A about Judaism, see our home page: judaism.stackexchange.com.

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2
votes
1answer
53 views

PTIJ: 50% of laser light on the floor of a Sukkah [closed]

From the Gemara of Sukkah, it was argued that if the light at the bottom of the Sukkah is 50% light, 50% dark, then the Schach must be Kosher, since light expands as it travels from the top to the ...
2
votes
2answers
610 views

PTIJ: Donuts on Chanukah with one's car [closed]

Can one fulfill the Chiyuv to have donuts on Chanukah with one's car, by making donuts? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
3
votes
2answers
109 views

PTIJ: May a cow bring a korban shelamim bezman hazeh? [closed]

In Shemos 24:5 we find וישלח, את-נערי בני ישראל, ויעלו, עולות; ויזבחו זבחים שלמים, ליהוה--פרים And he sent the youth of Israel, and they offered Olot; and the cows slaughtered shelamim sacrifices to ...
0
votes
1answer
93 views

PTIJ : Why did Obi-Wan Kenobi think Jedi of HaForce strengthen after מָוֶת? [closed]

PTIJ: Why did Obi-Wan Kenobi think Jedi of HaForce strengthen after מָוֶת? “If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.” Similar to אֱלִישָׁ֔ע Elisha in 2 Kings ...
1
vote
2answers
105 views

PTIJ: Why Is Odin Considered Sonless? [closed]

When Zelophead's daughter's demand inheritance on their father's behalf, they state: ...לָמָּה יִגָּרַע שֵׁם-אָבִינוּ מִתּוֹךְ מִשְׁפַּחְתּוֹ, כִּי אֵין לוֹ בֵּן. Why is our father's name Yggr ...
7
votes
3answers
751 views

PTIJ: Using electricity on Shabbos heter [closed]

There is a common stance that one may not "use" (whatever that means) electricity on Shabbos, but it seems that the talmud allows for a heter, a permissible case. Apparently, if one wants to ...
6
votes
5answers
1k views

PTIJ: May one become a non-serpentine animagus? [closed]

As is well-known to all who have read Hilchot Potter, Vol. 1-7, there are certain wizards who have managed to become animagi (singular: animagus), i.e., able to transform into animals (one animal per ...
1
vote
6answers
639 views

PTIJ: Who is Rue? [closed]

וְהָיָה לָכֶם לְצִיצִת וּרְאִיתֶם אֹתוֹ וּזְכַרְתֶּם אֶת כָּל מִצְוֹת יְהֹוָה וַעֲשִׂיתֶם אֹתָם וְלֹא תָתֻרוּ אַחֲרֵי לְבַבְכֶם וְאַחֲרֵי עֵינֵיכֶם אֲשֶׁר אַתֶּם זֹנִים אַחֲרֵיהֶם It clearly says ...
5
votes
1answer
145 views

PTIJ: Can a Torah scroll reveal “Jewish” national treasures? [closed]

I was watching the movie “National Treasure” and thought how can I apply the lessons of this movie to Judaism. In the movie, Ben Gates (Nicolas Cage) decides to steal the Declaration of Independence. ...
2
votes
3answers
149 views

PTIJ: All Sukkahs that are Kosher are also Passul? [closed]

If a Sukkah needs פסולת (raw organic material that can't be Mekabel Tumah and is detached from the ground) for the Schach to be Kosher, then doesn't every Kosher Sukkah have Passul-ness to it? Which ...
5
votes
4answers
1k views

PTIJ: Oldest Game in the World [closed]

What is the oldest game in the world? Is it hide and seek, when Adam hid from Hashem in Gan Eden? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim ...
22
votes
2answers
2k views

PTIJ: Oscar the Grouch getting Tzara'at on his garbage can [closed]

If Oscar the Grouch gets Tzara'at on his garbage can, is that considered Tzara'at of clothing or Tzara'at of one's home? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely ...
2
votes
1answer
101 views

PTIJ: Erasing Amalek's name written on Andy's toys' shoes [closed]

Was Andy from Amalek? Would that explain why Buzz Lightyear and Woody's shoe his name is written on it (since there's an Inyan to write Amalak's name on the bottom of your shoe to erase their memory)? ...
3
votes
5answers
194 views

PTIJ: Why would I need to listen to informant of my Father? [closed]

שמע בני מוסר אביך- Heed O Son to the informant of your father (Proverbs 1:8) Firstly, we put a Moiser (informant) to death. Secondly its Lashon Harah to listen to negative things about your father Why ...
5
votes
2answers
172 views

PTIJ: Inviting Moshiach to your son's Bris [closed]

Based on the reasons behind not inviting people to a Bris (Why do we avoid inviting people to a b'rit milah specifically, and not other celebrations too?) why don't we just invite Moshiach Ben ...
1
vote
1answer
215 views

PTIJ: Superman can carry the Batmobile on Shabbat? [closed]

On Shabbat, Superman saw the Batmobile was stuck in a narrow alley (more than 3-handbreaths wide) between the Daily Planet and Wayne Enterprises. In order to carry the Batmobile out of the alley, ...
6
votes
3answers
262 views

PTIJ: Mrs Potato Head in the Mikvah [closed]

Can Mrs Potato Head leave her limbs and face intact when immersing into a Mikvah (to convert or become Tahor), or does her accessories, limbs, and face count as a Chatzitza, and need to be removed? ...
4
votes
3answers
401 views

PTIJ: Bal Tashchis and the Recycle Bin [closed]

Is it considered Bal Tashchis to delete files/folders needlessly on a computer, or to send data to /dev/null in Linux? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely ...
2
votes
0answers
73 views

PTIJ: Shatnez issues with FLAC audio files [closed]

Being that there is a prohibition of Sha'atnez when wearing wool and linen (or flax) may one listen to FLACs (FLAC audio files) while wearing a wool sweater? This question is Purim Torah and is not ...
4
votes
2answers
220 views

PTIJ: Tattooing a self-aware Sefer Torah [closed]

If a Sefer Torah became self-aware and conscious, would such a Sefer Torah be Halachically allowed to get ink tattooed into it when needed (such as correcting cracked letters)? Or would this ...
5
votes
1answer
99 views

PTIJ: Is the genie's lamp considered Metaltilin (movable objects) or Karka (land)? [closed]

The genie (from Aladdin) lives in a lamp. Assuming the lamp has living quarters, does one need a Chazakah of living there for 3 years to own the lamp (or require a document of sale), or is it ...
3
votes
1answer
130 views

PTIJ: HTML Sukkah [closed]

When is one Yotzei when sitting in a web-based Sukkah (online Sukkah)? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
0
votes
0answers
82 views

PTIJ: Best compression algorithm [closed]

There are many different algorithms used for compression, such as .zip, .rar, .tar, .gz, etc. Hashem used the ultimate compression algorithm, compressing the infinite knowledge of the Creator into a ...
9
votes
5answers
223 views

PTIJ: Assur for a Kohen to die? [closed]

If a Kohen is prohibited from becoming Tamei, and people become Tamei upon dying, then wouldn't it be prohibited for a Kohen to die? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
7
votes
3answers
441 views

PTIJ: Any findings for how Tefillin work using black-box testing? [closed]

In the software field, Black-Box testing is performed when an engineer is examining a closed system without any knowledge of its inner workings. That being the case, do we have any documentation of ...
15
votes
8answers
3k views

PTIJ: What does Cookie Monster eat during Pesach? [closed]

Cookie Monster loves cookies. So what does a Jewish cookie monster do during Pesach, when cookies are Chametz? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See ...
-1
votes
0answers
43 views

PTIJ: Baby Siddurs [closed]

Can one substitute a babysitter with a baby siddur (siddur for children)? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
0
votes
0answers
32 views

PTIJ: The Chutzpah Javascript Test Runner [closed]

Is it bad for one's Middos to use a Chutzpah Javascript Test Runner? https://github.com/mmanela/chutzpah This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the ...
2
votes
1answer
45 views

PTIJ: 3 Little Pigs traveling during Succos [closed]

Based on the סברא of תשבו כעין תדורו, that a person lives in a Succah the way they live in their home, and normally people don't build houses when they're traveling on vacation (they stay in hotels, ...
3
votes
0answers
38 views

PTIJ: Mr Potato Head on Shabbos [closed]

Can Mr Potato Head carry stuff inside himself on Shabbos without a Kosher Eruv? And is there a difference if he's carrying food, body parts, or non essentials? Of course, his own limbs which can ...
0
votes
0answers
22 views

PTIJ: Kabbolos and Kiddush [closed]

Can one make a Kaballah to be Mekabel Kaballah from a Mekubel? Similarly, may a Kadosh kid participate in a Kiddush for the Kedushin of a Kadeisha during Kadeish of the Pesach Seder, or should one say ...
2
votes
0answers
33 views

PTIJ: The girl who cried wolf [closed]

Does Aesop's story about The Boy Who Cried Wolf actually originate from Miriam Bas Bilgah, the girl who cried wolf (Sukkah 56b)? Miriam accused the altar of being a "wolf", consuming ...
4
votes
1answer
96 views

PTIJ: Forgetting Netilas Yadayim [closed]

What should a person do if they keep forgetting to dry their hands with a towel after Netilas Yadayim? The Tashbetz Katan 287 states that drying hands on one's clothes leads to forgetfulness. So, if ...
7
votes
1answer
365 views

PTIJ: Are there other ritually demanded drinks? [closed]

Rituals and laws, in certain situations, are predicated on the presence of certain drinks. The four I can think of are the test for an adulterous woman which requires the use of Soda Water any ...
2
votes
2answers
550 views

PTIJ: Is my mask posul? [closed]

When I was wearing my mask, one of the strings snapped, I then typed the two ends together and reapplied. The Rambam writes (Malve 23:14): נקרע קרע בית דין הרי זה פסול איזהו קרע בית דין שתי וערב If ...
3
votes
3answers
91 views

PTIJ: Seeking info about Chazzan R. Neves [closed]

This year's JAK Rettelswen mentions a recording of Kiddush Yaknha"z (Jag 'n Has) sung by Chazzan R. Neves. Does anoyone know about Mr. Neves and if he did any other recordings ? This question is ...
3
votes
1answer
95 views

PTIJ: I need a rolling gate [closed]

I am looking for a rolling gate. All of my life I’ve maintained that it is vital I find it. It has been pointed out that a lion wrote on the rolling gate, a lion with great zeal indeed wrote on the ...
5
votes
1answer
86 views

PTIJ: Which fodder should a child be fed? [closed]

The Talmud says (Ketubot 50a): אמר ליה רב לרב שמואל בר שילת בציר מבר שית לא תקביל בר שית קביל וספי ליה כתורא Rav say to Rav Shmuel bar Sheilat, who taught children: With regard to a child less than ...
10
votes
2answers
523 views

PTIJ: Why are we required to have so many Seders? [closed]

On Passover, we are required to eat a substantial amount of ritually designated food, and also a proper holiday level meal. This is the obligation of a "seder". Two nights of this (in the ...
4
votes
1answer
65 views

PTIJ: Why would the tzaddikim be barred from the carrying bars? [closed]

King David tells us in Tehillim (55:23) לא יתן לעולם מוט לצדיק, [Hashem] will never give a carrying bar/pole to a tzaddik. Now, granted, such poles have sometimes been used for nefarious purposes, ...
4
votes
3answers
161 views

PTIJ: Where did Haman stay after the Bnai Yisrael entered Eretz Yisrael [closed]

We see in the Torah that Haman (המן) came to Bnai Yisrael every morning in the desert. We also see that Haman stopped coming as soon as they entered Eretz Yisrael. Where was he from the time they ...
5
votes
5answers
1k views

PTIJ: What type of grapes is the Messiah buying? Why does he need them? [closed]

Pesikta Rabbati 36: שנו רבותינו בשעה שמלך המשיח נגלה בא ועומד על הגג של בית המקדש והוא משמיע להם לישראל ואומר להם ענוים הגיע זמן גאולתכם Our Rabbis taught: 'When King Messiah is revealed, he will ...
-1
votes
1answer
67 views

PTIJ: Why Mordehai married Aman? [closed]

The Megilla says : ויהי אמן את־הדסּה (Esther.2.7) That is : And Aman was Hadassa But if Aman was Hadassa, Hadassa being Esther, so Aman was Esther ? So how did Mordehai marry her ? And how can he ...
3
votes
6answers
558 views

PTIJ: Am I required to invent a time machine to stop Covid? [closed]

In my work,1 I may be on the way to a breakthrough in time travel technology. With this technology I will be able to prevent the covid pandemic. The only issue is, there is a doubt as to whether I ...
6
votes
2answers
742 views

PTIJ: Why is a formal marriage ceremony necessary? [closed]

Most marriages come together in the form of an elaborate gathering, in which the bride receives her official document detailing the husband’s responsibilities towards her, the kesuba. However, often ...
5
votes
2answers
158 views

PTIJ: May one forget a bad Shabbaton? [closed]

Part of the standard liturgy reads as follows: יום שבתון אין לשכוח A Shabbaton may not be forgotten. Most I’ve incurred have been filled with droning speeches and long meals. Is there a [hidden] ...
5
votes
2answers
269 views

PTIJ: Which sea is honored more than all the other seas? [closed]

The standard Sabbath song is: יום זה מכובד מכל ימים This sea is more honorable than all other seas. Which sea does this refer to; and what exactly brings it special honor? This question is Purim ...
20
votes
12answers
3k views

PTIJ: Is it permitted to time travel on Shabbos? [closed]

The Torah specifies (Shemos 16:29) “Let everyone remain where he is: let no one leave his place on the seventh day”; one may not exit one’s premises on Shabbos. Does this include traveling through ...
2
votes
1answer
76 views

PTIJ: Why are we blessing Hashem for the groom and challah? [closed]

I've been to many sheva berachos celebrations. After the meal, the seven blessings conferred to a newly married husband and wife are recited. The beginning of the final blessing has bothered me for ...
2
votes
0answers
91 views

PTIJ: Should we say “nes gadol haya po” in the synagogue? [closed]

The Talmud says: It is taught in a baraita: Rabbi Elazar HaKappar says: In the future, the synagogues and the study halls in Babylonia will be transported and reestablished in Eretz Yisrael. [...

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