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Questions tagged [purim-torah-in-jest]

THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. "Purim Torah" is humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim. Mi Yodeya has a great collection of Purim Torah, under this tag. For our collection of *real* Q&A about Judaism, see our home page: judaism.stackexchange.com.

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5
votes
2answers
228 views

PTIJ - Who is Boris Karshina [closed]

I have heard much about Boris Karshina, but cannot find any biographical information for him on the Internet (other than here, where his name is misspelled). Please help me! Edit: Never mind, I ...
2
votes
1answer
54 views

PTIJ: B'nai Yisra'el and Kashi in the desert [closed]

In Devarim 9:27, Moshe says to G-d: אל תפן אל קשי העם הזה Don't pay attention to this people's Kashi Kashi has become a popular brand of cereal and nutrition bars in the U.S. I've had a few ...
4
votes
3answers
259 views

PTIJ: Are frogs Jewish? [closed]

I'm starting to get the feeling that Frogs are one of the animals that the Dor Haflaga was turned into (I think this might be a Medrash.) My reasoning is: First if all we see that they jumped into ...
3
votes
2answers
134 views

PTIJ: Can a king ask someone wearing a Yale U. sweatshirt a war question? [closed]

The seal of Yale University says אורים ותומים. The Urim Vetumim was originally worn by the High Priest as part of the breastplate. Today, there is no High Priest, but, it seems that via the logo, we ...
8
votes
4answers
236 views

PTIJ: Am I betrothed to her? [closed]

I sent a woman a gift through PayPal. My email is harry@nekudeshetli.com. She used the money to buy something over a peruta. Do I need to give her a get for her to be free to marry others? This ...
4
votes
4answers
455 views

PTIJ: Why does Hashem have an onion [closed]

In Anim Zemerot we praise God saying "Nafshi Chemda Betzal Yadecha (my soul pines for the onion of your hand). Why does God have an onion? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
-1
votes
1answer
53 views

PTIJ: Did the Persian Sefer Divrei Hayamin have color pictures? [closed]

After having been read the story of Bigsana Visseresh, Achashveirosh asks if Mordechai was rewarded. Well, he heard the story as well as the guy reciting it. What's the point in asking about the story ...
4
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4answers
156 views

PTIJ: Why do I need a mole for my grandson to be circumcised? [closed]

Mazal Tov! My daughter gave birth to a healthy boy a few days ago. She has asked me to find a mole to circumcise my grandson. I don't understand that at all. The baby has such beautiful soft baby ...
5
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2answers
86 views

PTIJ Where is there a chiyuv kavod? [closed]

With no due respect I humbly present the forum with this question: The gemara in brachos says אין מכבדים בגשרים my question is if then where is there a chiyuv of kavod, dont we all know כל העולם ...
-1
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2answers
145 views

PTIJ: Is Super Mario Odyssey a Basar B'Chalav issue? [closed]

For background: Super Mario Odyssey is a well-received 3D platformer put out by Nintendo in October 2017. In the game, the titular plumber must travel the world to chase Bowser to prevent his marriage ...
1
vote
2answers
157 views

PTIJ: If Bernie Sanders had been elected, would Eruvei Chatzeiros have become unnecessary? [closed]

The way Eruvei Chatzeiros works is by making it like everyone who participated owns a part of the others' property. Since Bernie Sanders ran on a communist platform, had he won, everyone's property ...
1
vote
3answers
103 views

PtIJ: why a twisted 6 [closed]

In many of the cloth uses of the mishkan it says that you should use שש משזר "a twisted 6". What is this? A 9 perhaps? What's the special significance of a twisted 6 and not just a 9? This question ...
-1
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2answers
100 views

PTIJ: What does Purim have to do with Pesach? [closed]

There's a Gezeria Shava between Purim and Pesach (the phrase מי יודע - אחד מי יודע to )וּמִי יוֹדֵעַ אִם לְעֵת כָּזֹאת הִגַּעַתְּ לַמַּלְכוּת What else does the above Gezeira Shava teach us? [Small ...
7
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5answers
117 views

PTIJ: In what way was King David a maskil? [closed]

Chapter 43 of Tehillim records a psalm of "Dovid the maskil" לדוד משכיל אשרי נשוי פשע כסוי חטאה I never knew that Dovid Hamelech, of all people, was associated with the enlightenment! What kinds ...
16
votes
3answers
314 views

PTIJ: Why do Ipods come in only 3 colors? [closed]

Shemot 28:6 says: ועשו את האפוד זהב תכלת וארגמן You shall make the Ipod gold, blue and scarlet Why does the Torah limit making the Ipod only in these 3 colors? What's so special about these 3 ...
14
votes
2answers
659 views

PTIJ: Can I tell you what’s on my mind? [closed]

When people ask me what’s on my mind, they’ll say “a penny for your thoughts.” When I take the initiative to tell them what’s on my mind, it’s putting in my “two cents.” We’re commanded not to ...
3
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6answers
1k views

PTIJ: Hadar walks in and we're super happy. Why? [closed]

A song that I often hear at this time of year (sometimes sung to this tune) contains the lyrics: משנכנס הדר מרבין בשמחה When Hadar walks in, we increase joy. (This seems to be based on a ...
-1
votes
1answer
69 views

PTIJ: Why do we need a verse that we follow the majority? [closed]

The Gemara (Chulin 11a) has a long debate trying to prove that we follow the majority. Why do we need those verses? We killed the 10 sons of Haman, and the only way we know that they were his sons ...
6
votes
1answer
177 views

PTIJ - Heart transplants [closed]

Shemos 25:2 states: וְיִקְחוּ־לִ֖י תְּרוּמָ֑ה מֵאֵ֤ת כׇּל־אִישׁ֙ אֲשֶׁ֣ר יִדְּבֶ֣נּוּ לִבּ֔וֹ תִּקְח֖וּ אֶת־תְּרוּמָתִֽי׃ And they should take for me a donation from any man who wishes to ...
2
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4answers
100 views

PTIJ - Clarification on כן [closed]

In Esther 7:5 it says; מִ֣י ה֥וּא זֶה֙ וְאֵֽי־זֶ֣ה ה֔וּא אֲשֶׁר־מְלָא֥וֹ לִבּ֖וֹ לַעֲשׂ֥וֹת כֵּֽן׃ What does the pasuk refer to when it say ken and why is his heart filled with such a desire to ...
16
votes
6answers
184 views

PTIJ: Can't find the fifth chelek of shulchan aruch [closed]

People keep telling me that I need to get the fifth section of Shulchan Aruch. I'm not really sure how everyone seems to know that I don't already have this chelek, but since so many people have been ...
5
votes
2answers
146 views

PTIJ: India is the size of an olive - so what? [closed]

After getting close to the end of a complex halachic treatise, I found a psak that I have trouble understanding (between the laws of walking female infants and the blessing for smelling Lebanon): ...
3
votes
3answers
82 views

PTIJ - Raui Leachilas Meraglim [closed]

Inspired by this answer about being Mi Yodeya cookies being ראוי לאכילת כלב, which got me wondering: Does the concept of something being Chametz on Pesach depend on just whether or not Kalev wold eat ...
6
votes
2answers
112 views

PTIJ: May a Jew visit an optometrist or opthamologist? [closed]

Both ophthamalogists and optometrists are looking at your eyes, and when you visit them, you are encouraging them to do it. Is there a problem of mar'it ayin if they give you a check up? Would there ...
1
vote
0answers
62 views

PTIJ: Is Punxsutawney Phil assur? [closed]

Each year, the town of Punxsutawney celebrates the legendary groundhog with a festive atmosphere of music and food. During the ceremony, which begins well before the winter sunrise, Phil (the ...
5
votes
2answers
95 views

PTIJ - A non-Jew's involvement in Judaism [closed]

The claim is made on this website that a non-Jew is allowed to engage in a central element of the oneg of a se'udah that one might think is reserved for Jews. you don't have to be jewish to love ...
12
votes
4answers
166 views

PTIJ: It's not Rosh Chodesh Adar for me yet. Do I need to filter PTIJ posts? [closed]

I live in the USA where it is not yet Rosh Chodesh Adar. However there are Israelis for whom it is Rosh Chodesh Adar, and they are posting Purim Torah questions to Mi Yodeya. Am I halachically ...
18
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6answers
222 views

PTIJ: How do I know if MiYodeya cookies are kosher? What should I do on Pesach? [closed]

I understand many Internet sites including MiYodeya use cookies during authentication and leave them on my computer. I find this highly concerning for two reasons even if my computer is not Jewish, I ...
5
votes
2answers
87 views

PTIJ: Full-time Torah learning? What about issur kolel? [closed]

R. Shimon bar Yohai is famously quoted in Berakhot 35b as believing that: אפשר אדם חורש בשעת חרישה וזורע בשעת זריעה וקוצר בשעת קצירה ודש בשעת דישה וזורה בשעת הרוח תורה מה תהא עליה אלא בזמן שישראל ...
0
votes
2answers
125 views

Why was Abraham allowed to bow down to ignoramuses? [closed]

This M.Y. question suggests that a Talmid Chacham should distance himself from an am ha'aretz - an ignoramus. While Avraham was not a rabbi, he would probably be considered a Talmid Chacham in the ...
5
votes
1answer
156 views

How were the Jews able to eat Haman? [closed]

Shemot (Exodus) 16:35 says: ובני ישראל אכלו את המן ארבעים שנה The children of Israel ate Haman for 40 years My questions: Even though there is a commandment to destroy Amalek, and Haman was ...
3
votes
0answers
51 views

Does Bi'Kdei Sh'Yaasu apply beyond Shabbat? [closed]

I know that certain things are forbidden on the Sabbath and if a non-Jew does them, a Jew can only benefit from them if he waits a certain length of time. This has been covered in this question and ...
3
votes
1answer
216 views

PTIJ: What's the difference between Arur Mordechai and Baruch Haman? [duplicate]

What's the difference between Arur Mordechai and Baruch Haman? Is there a difference? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
7
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3answers
202 views

PTIJ: What's wrong with my hamantashen? [closed]

I went to the store on Friday, two days before Purim, to buy ingredients for hamantashen. The problem was, there were too many flavors of filling: strawberry, blueberry, apricot, and many more. I ...
10
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4answers
216 views

Mordechai's politics [closed]

In Megillat Esther, Mordechai is described as an איש ימיני, a right-winger. Why does he feel it necessary to defend his political positions in his megillah? This question is Purim Torah and is not ...
8
votes
5answers
134 views

Oz Apecha - Mi Yodeya? [closed]

Who nose the power of your knows? עז אפך - מי יודע?‏ King David, in Psalms 90:11, asks this question, implying that there is Jewish significance to the power of your nose. Of course there is. "...
15
votes
4answers
254 views

PTIJ: Beged ish(ah) for gravatars? [closed]

I know that halacha has limits on wearing items of the wrong gender (beged ish or beged ishah, depending on whose clothes we're talking about). Does this extend to people's online projections, i.e. ...
1
vote
1answer
83 views

What do Galiitzianers polish on Pesach “Shiny”? [closed]

See this Wikepedia article for an explanation on Yiddish dialects. Galitzianers pronounce "ey" as "ay". Thus, the Galitzianers have a special holiday on the 16th of Iyar called "Pesach Shiny". I ...
13
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2answers
371 views

PTIJ: With how many minions must a minion daven? [closed]

When a Minion davens, does he need to Daven with another Minion? Can a Minon daven with a Mignon Minion Minyan, or must it be with a large Minion Minyan? Source of Pic This question is Purim ...
5
votes
1answer
77 views

Tsu Langeh Yaren? [closed]

People often mention when referring to an elderly person the Yiddish phrase "Tsu langeh yaren" - "Tsu lengthens life" (example). Some even say it about younger people as well - if they sneeze or hold ...
7
votes
5answers
313 views

Irrational Numbers - Mi Yodeya [closed]

Who knows irrational numbers? ?מספר אי-רציונלי - מי יודע In the spirit of the song "Echad - mi yodeya", please post interesting and significant Jewish facts about irrational numbers. I tried dealing ...
0
votes
1answer
106 views

Conspiracy of calendar makers? [closed]

My calendar on my phone reminded me that today I have "תענית אסתר" on my schedule. As far as I remember, I'm not supposed to meet Esther to play tennis until next week. I looked at my wall calendar ...
13
votes
5answers
849 views

How did my rabbi kasher his iPhone? [closed]

My local Orthodox rabbi regularly sends me emails about upcoming events, minyanim, etc. I notice that at the bottom of each message it says "Sent from my kosher iPhone". How did he kasher his phone? ...
2
votes
1answer
87 views

Shushan Purim and my wall art [closed]

If I have a picture of Jerusalem on my wall, do I celebrate Shushan Purim because I can see Yerushalayim all the time? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely ...
0
votes
1answer
102 views

Where did the seventh minister sleep? [closed]

The Megila says that there were six golden and silver beds on a alabaster floor " מִטּוֹת זָהָב וָכֶסֶף עַל רִצְפַת בַּהַט וָשֵׁשׁ" However there were seven ministers as it says "שבעת רואי פני המלך" ...
0
votes
2answers
113 views

A “branch” of the “Tree in the Forest” question [closed]

Wikipedia explains some of the history behind the famous question, "If a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound?" The article cites Scientific American who viewed this from a physical aspect ...
8
votes
1answer
161 views

PTIJ: Jedi Using the Force for Kiruv [closed]

Say there is a Jewish Jedi involved in Kiruv work. Is it permissible for such a person to use a Jedi mind trick to convince a non observant Jew to be shomer Shabbos, keep kosher, etc.? This question ...
1
vote
2answers
151 views

Why did Esther Knas all the Jews? [closed]

Esther 4:16 says לך כנוס את כל היהודים "Go Knas (fine) all the Jews." Why did Esther want Mordechai to go Knas all the Jews? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely ...
3
votes
1answer
115 views

Was the universe created with English? [closed]

לזאת יקרא אשה, כי מאיש לוקחה זאת - מכאן שניתנה התורה בלשון הקודש. רבי פנחס ורבי חלקיה בשם רבי סימון אמרי: כשם שניתנה תורה בלשון הקודש, כך נברא העולם בלשון הקודש, שמעת מימיך אומר גיני גיניא?! אנתרופי ...
1
vote
2answers
147 views

What do Jews have against hammans? [closed]

Recently, I have been hearing a lot of talk about hammans. I found this picture and it looks like a nice place. So why do Jews always boo when you say it? Is it like against the Torah This question ...