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Questions tagged [purim-torah-in-jest]

THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. "Purim Torah" is humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim. Mi Yodeya has a great collection of Purim Torah, under this tag. For our collection of *real* Q&A about Judaism, see our home page: judaism.stackexchange.com.

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19
votes
4answers
884 views

heresy on Purim [closed]

On Purim we're supposed to engage in מִשְׁלוֹחַ מִנוּת, the sending of heresy to our fellow Jews. What are some pieces of heretical literature that are appropriate for sending on Purim? Or ones you'd ...
28
votes
12answers
9k views

PTIJ: What is the Torah preferred brand of cell phone? [closed]

I have heard of Kosher phones. What do the classic sources (preferably Rishonim or earlier) say about the preferred type and brand of cell phone? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to ...
22
votes
4answers
2k views

What's up with this strange new hechsher? [closed]

All of a sudden, I’ve seen the hechsher shown in these photos popping up on various products. I’ve never seen it before, and I don’t see it listed on any of the usual online hechsher lists. Have ...
28
votes
5answers
3k views

Surviving the zombie apocalypse? [closed]

One of Maimonidies 13 principles of faith is believing in the resurrection of the dead wherein the dead will arise from their graves. My question is have chazal provided any guidelines for how we are ...
45
votes
13answers
2k views

PTIJ: Haman was Basar b’Chalav, so how could we eat him? [closed]

Esther 3:5 says, “וימלא המן חמה” Haman was filled with butter. This would presumably make his flesh basar b’chalav, but Shemos 16:35 clearly says “ובני ישראל אכלו את־המן” the Children of Israel ate ...
8
votes
3answers
738 views

Why does a Hamentash have three sides? [closed]

All Hamentashen that I've seen have three sides and all Hamentashen have filling. Why is that? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah ...
5
votes
4answers
201 views

Gzeira Shava By Purim [closed]

We know that the Gemara darshens the laws of Purim from Yom Kippur. If so why are we not obligated to fast on Purim? יליף פורים פורים מיום הכפורים This question is Purim Torah and is not intended ...
23
votes
8answers
7k views

What does Judaism think of math? [closed]

Is it permissible according to halacha to do math? If so, are all kinds of math OK? This question and its answers are Purim Torah and are not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim ...
23
votes
3answers
862 views

PTIJ: whats the diffrence [closed]

Whits teh difference btween arur hAman and Baruch mosses? -- This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy
8
votes
4answers
374 views

Is Daylight Saving Time a Mitzvah DeOraitha or Takkanah DeRabanan? [closed]

This week many in the U.S. will change their clocks for Daylight Saving Time. Is this a Mitzvah DeOraitha or Takkanah DeRabanan? I can't seem to find any source for this except a poorly worded and ...
18
votes
6answers
4k views

If Rabbi Google quotes Mi Yodeya, can i rely on his advice? [closed]

The Israeli Rabbinate is considering granting smicha (rabbinic ordination) to Google. Now, assuming he gets accepted, what if Rabbi Google's answer is to look at Mi Yodeya? Mi Yodeya's policy states ...
11
votes
3answers
476 views

No Offense Loophole [closed]

(Inspired by this question) Who came up with the No Offense loophole of: No offense, but your sweater makes you look fat. OR No offense, but if you really think what you just said is true, you'...
10
votes
7answers
636 views

Eating Hamentashen on Purim [closed]

I've been wondering: how much hamentashen must one consume on purim? Is this independent of type or amount of filling? If not, what kinds of hamentashen qualify? This question is Purim Torah and is ...
21
votes
2answers
846 views

What are the consequences of Vashti’s dual nature? [closed]

In Esther 1:9 we read, “ושתי המלכה עשתה משתי נשים” Vashti the queen was made of two women. Aside from being biologically surprising, what are the consequences of this in our understanding of the ...
19
votes
6answers
4k views

PTIJ: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? [closed]

The classic philosophical question: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? So, according to Purim Torah Judaism, does it? Sources please. ;) This ...
14
votes
4answers
425 views

Announcing the clock change in English? [closed]

It is well-known that the age-old, widespread, and correct practice is to announce the molad on the Shabbat preceding Rosh Chodesh specifically in the holy language of Yiddish. In contrast to this, in ...
11
votes
3answers
201 views

Chodesh Asur Min HaTorah [closed]

It is a well known principle that חדש אסור מן התורה Chodesh Asur Min HaTorah. But I see people celebrating Rosh Chodesh all the time? How can we justify this practice? This question is Purim Torah ...
5
votes
5answers
1k views

Seeking texts of all prayers associated with the clock change [closed]

In previous years, we've discussed the basic commandment status of changing clocks around this time of year as well as the proper language for announcing the change. Given that it's a commandment and ...
5
votes
6answers
525 views

Can I Have a Chumra Please? [closed]

I'm looking to take on a really, really, really enourmous chumra which will greatly affect my life to show how dedicated I am to Hashem. Does anyone have any suggestions? This question is Purim Torah ...
5
votes
3answers
412 views

PTIJ: Should I stay away from my computer? [closed]

The Torah in Shemot 23:7 advises to distance oneself from a false thing. Well - here's one false thing about my computer (and, probably your's too). Frequently, when you turn on your computer, it is ...
4
votes
1answer
245 views

Im l'eit kazot higa'at lamalchut - mi yodeya? [closed]

Who knows if you come to royalty for a time like this? ?אם לעת כזאת, הגעת למלכות - מי יודע In the spirit of the song "Shoshanat Ya'akov", please post interesting Jewish facts about the significance ...
4
votes
3answers
247 views

Why did Lavan say “Ashre”? [closed]

In parashas "Vayetze", 31:25, we have the following in Onkelos: וְאַדְבֵּיק לָבָן יָת יַעֲקֹב וְיַעֲקֹב פְּרַס יָת מַשְׁכְּנֵהּ בְּטוּרָא וְלָבָן אַשְׁרֵי יָת אֲחוֹהִי בְּטוּרָא דְּגִלְעָד.‏ ...
2
votes
2answers
199 views

Daylight Saving Time - forward or backward? [closed]

Halachically speaking, do I have to set my clocks forward one hour in the spring, or can I set them back one hour (this will give me two hours more in my day than everyone setting their clocks forward ...
36
votes
8answers
3k views

PTIJ: Using the Force on Shabbat [closed]

What halachic considerations must a Jewish Jedi take into account before using the Force on Shabbat? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim ...
47
votes
5answers
5k views

Rejecting others' friend requests on Facebook [closed]

Inspired by this question: If one receives a friend request on Facebook, especially from another Jew, is it permissible to reject them? On the one hand, "חברים כל ישראל" - "All Jews are friends"; ...
18
votes
3answers
1k views

What is the bracha when one eats the Torah? [closed]

I keep seeing all these questions which discuss "Purim Torah, Ingest" but they don't seem to address the rules of actually ingesting the Torah. I don't know how to treat the Torah when I eat it. If ...
13
votes
5answers
849 views

How did my rabbi kasher his iPhone? [closed]

My local Orthodox rabbi regularly sends me emails about upcoming events, minyanim, etc. I notice that at the bottom of each message it says "Sent from my kosher iPhone". How did he kasher his phone? ...
7
votes
5answers
312 views

Irrational Numbers - Mi Yodeya [closed]

Who knows irrational numbers? ?מספר אי-רציונלי - מי יודע In the spirit of the song "Echad - mi yodeya", please post interesting and significant Jewish facts about irrational numbers. I tried dealing ...
24
votes
5answers
518 views

√-1 - mi yodeya? [closed]

Who knows √-1? The traditional Passover song "Echad - mi yodeya" implies a possible presupposition that there is a Jewish significance to be found for each number. What significant Judaism facts are ...
18
votes
6answers
220 views

PTIJ: How do I know if MiYodeya cookies are kosher? What should I do on Pesach? [closed]

I understand many Internet sites including MiYodeya use cookies during authentication and leave them on my computer. I find this highly concerning for two reasons even if my computer is not Jewish, I ...
18
votes
2answers
525 views

Why did I become queen? [closed]

I'm Ester from the Purim story. My uncle Mordechai advised me to ask here on Mi Yodeya why Hashem made me queen of Persia, as it says: וּמִי יוֹדֵעַ אִם לְעֵת כָּזֹאת הִגַּעַתְּ לַמַּלְכוּת So, ...
12
votes
3answers
240 views

Who is Herbert? [closed]

Throughout my learning, I keep encountering this fellow Herbert, although he's always referred to by his nickname Herb. I've seen him referred to in many different contexts. Sometimes he's a story ...
12
votes
5answers
676 views

If I am obligated to be drunk all the time, how is Purim different? [closed]

We all know the halacha of עִבְדוּ אֶת-יְה-ה בְּשִׂמְחָה (Tehillim 100:2). But the gemara paskens (Pesachim 109a) that since the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash "אין שמחה אלא ביין" ("Joy only comes ...
12
votes
7answers
435 views

PTIJ: For whom should I vote? (US Presidential Elections 2016) [closed]

There is a commandment to vote for a president, as it says (Devarim 17:15): שׂוֹם תָּשִׂים עָלֶיךָ מֶלֶךְ אֲשֶׁר יִבְחַר Place upon yourselves a king who shall be chosen [by voting] And we ...
11
votes
2answers
306 views

What's so important about a lost blanket-rope? And how did it get lost anyway? [closed]

This question asks about how we can possibly know that our mesorah (tradition) is correct since we lost the chain of smicha. But what is so important about a chain of blankets? Such things are useful ...
8
votes
5answers
306 views

What's an “achashvei”? [closed]

From my preschooler: What's an Achashvei? I know that a rosh is a head. I want to know what kind of head Achashveirosh was. Can you help me come up with a satisfying answer? I'd prefer not to ...
5
votes
3answers
323 views

Is Cholent DeOraitha or DeRabbanan? [closed]

As definitively proven by an 'Am HaAretz Gamur MiDeOraitha (a title of high distinction if ever there was one), eating Cholent on Shabbath is required. Every week. Without exception. But is this ...
5
votes
2answers
332 views

How do we fulfill the positive commandment to be crazy? [closed]

How do we fulfill the positive commandment in Devarim 28:34 which commands us to be crazy: וְהָיִיתָ, מְשֻׁגָּע This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. ...
4
votes
4answers
215 views

Mah tov la-adam bachayim - mi yodeya? [closed]

Who knows what is good for a person in life? ?מה טוב לאדם בחיים - מי יודע Contrary to the spirit of Kohelet 6:12, please post happy and lighthearted Jewish prescriptions for what is good for a ...
3
votes
1answer
181 views

How could Pharaoh bring sacrifices? [closed]

The Torah teaches us that Pharaoh brought korbanos (Shemos 14:10) ופרעה הקריב Pharaoh offered sacrifices It is not clear what sacrifices Pharaoh brought, however the Torah tells us a ...
3
votes
5answers
2k views

Why do we drink malt whisky? [closed]

It's a Jewish tradition to serve malt whisky at simchas and to drink this also on Purim (in addition to wine at the seuda). From where does this custom derive? This question is Purim Torah and is ...
1
vote
4answers
245 views

What is the Torah preferred beer recommendation? [closed]

As has already been noted in a previous question, beer is a basic necessity for answering some questions. I was wondering, have our holy Sages given us any guidance about specific brands, flavors, or ...
18
votes
3answers
200 views

PTIJ: What are my options if a server rejects a POST or PUT request? [closed]

I'm aware that if a server rejects a GET request, such as in the case of a 414 error for the URI being too long, I can force it to fulfill the GET request by having the server beaten, as the Talmud in ...
15
votes
3answers
1k views

PTIJ: Perl Programming in the Torah [closed]

According to Rav xkcd (an oft quoted authority in Bam), the universe was written in perl. Since the Torah is the blueprint of creation, it follows that it must contain a Perl Programming manual. Where ...
15
votes
4answers
254 views

PTIJ: Beged ish(ah) for gravatars? [closed]

I know that halacha has limits on wearing items of the wrong gender (beged ish or beged ishah, depending on whose clothes we're talking about). Does this extend to people's online projections, i.e. ...
14
votes
4answers
3k views

Is the Torah in the public domain? (If not, what license is it?) [closed]

The public domain is, put simply, a collection of works that can be used by anyone, that are not copyrighted. Is the Torah in the public domain? If not, how can we be printing and copyrighting it? ...
11
votes
3answers
2k views

Are all Jews really Arabs? [closed]

The Gemara (Shevuos 39a) says כל ישראל ערבים All of Israel are Arabs. Is this true? I always thought that my family came from Eastern Europe. If it is true that all Jews are actually Arabs,...
9
votes
2answers
255 views

Why did David only seem to prohibit a Moshav Leitzim? [closed]

This question mentions the prohibition against living in a Moshav Leitzim. My question is, what about a Yishuv Leitzim or a Kibbutz Leitzim or a Kfar Leitzim? How could David have been so ambiguous? ...
4
votes
2answers
123 views

What do we do to celebrate the happiest day of the year? [closed]

The Talmud in Taanis 29a says: משנכנס אב ממעטין בשמחה From when Av enters we reduce our happiness and משנכנס אדר מרבין בשמחה From when Adar enters we increase our happiness Since ...
3
votes
2answers
400 views

What was the biggest miracle in the time of the Megilla? [closed]

There were many miracles in the time of the Megilla. What was the biggest one? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.