Questions tagged [purim-torah-in-jest]

THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. "Purim Torah" is humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim. Mi Yodeya has a great collection of Purim Torah, under this tag. For our collection of *real* Q&A about Judaism, see our home page: judaism.stackexchange.com.

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45
votes
13answers
2k views

PTIJ: Haman was Basar b’Chalav, so how could we eat him? [closed]

Esther 3:5 says, “וימלא המן חמה” Haman was filled with butter. This would presumably make his flesh basar b’chalav, but Shemos 16:35 clearly says “ובני ישראל אכלו את־המן” the Children of Israel ate ...
-1
votes
1answer
76 views

PTIJ: Cloning capability in Persia [closed]

Where do we see in Megillas Esther that ancient Persia had advanced medical technology. They could even do things that we cannot accomplish. How did Achashveiros develop such advanced technology and ...
0
votes
2answers
67 views

PTIJ: The mentioning of 127 Medina's in Megillat Esther [closed]

The 1st verse, among several other places in Megillat Esther mentions that Ahashverush ruled over 127 Medinas. שֶׁ֛בַע וְעֶשְׂרִ֥ים וּמֵאָ֖ה מְדִינָֽה Medina is located in what is now called Saudi ...
4
votes
2answers
158 views

PTIJ: Should I follow “Reform”? [closed]

The Talmud often quotes a certain rabbi by the name of Reform bar Pappa: רפרם בר פפא [Kidd. 81b, Taanit 20b, Berachot 8a, etc.] I am suspicious of him. Do I have to follow what he says? This ...
11
votes
3answers
178 views

PTIJ: Who is Chaya in the Megillah? [closed]

In Esther (4:11), we find that anyone, "man or woman, [who] enters the king’s presence in the inner court without having been summoned" is to be put to death -- with only two exceptions: ...
2
votes
2answers
117 views

PTIJ: What's wrong with how the Ba'al Koreh pronounces Haman's name? [closed]

Every time the Ba'al Koreh makes a mistake, those present clop on the Bimah once at the end of the Passuk, to signal to the reader that he messed up. So what's wrong with how the Ba'al Koreh ...
2
votes
2answers
109 views

PTIJ: Why are notable rabbis called “Moron D'asara”? [closed]

Frequently I have heard people refer to a community or their shul rabbi as a "moron d'asarah" which sounds like it means "the moron of the ten". I guess I can understand the ...
14
votes
4answers
793 views

PTIJ: Carrying the flu on Shabbos with no Eruv [closed]

Why don't cities take down the Eruv during the flu season, so that no one gets sick? By taking down the Eruv, one may not carry a cold on Shabbos, which helps stop the spread of disease. This ...
8
votes
1answer
354 views

PTIJ: Fire codes in the Beis Hamikdash [closed]

How did the fire extinguisher/sprinkler system not put out the fire on the altar? There's an Issur of לא תכבה for one to extinguish the fire. More importantly, when the 3rd Beis Hamikdash is rebuilt, ...
1
vote
1answer
102 views

PTIJ: Must I really increase my joy? [closed]

The mishnah teaches that when it is Adar, we all increase our joy. משנכנס אדר מרבים בשמחה However, I recently saw another Mishnah (Menachot 13;11) which completely contradicts this by saying that ...
1
vote
1answer
90 views

PTIJ: What does this Mishnah Mean? [closed]

Avot 1:10 says: שְׁמַעְיָה וְאַבְטַלְיוֹן קִבְּלוּ מֵהֶם. שְׁמַעְיָה אוֹמֵר, אֱהֹב אֶת הַמְּלָאכָה, וּשְׂנָא אֶת הָרַבָּנוּת, וְאַל תִּתְוַדַּע לָרָשׁוּת: Shmaya and Avtalon accepted the tradition ...
1
vote
2answers
124 views

PTIJ: Why use Mashgichim when Hashem has Hashgacha Pratis and is the most qualified? [closed]

Hashem oversees everything in the universe, from the smallest singular quarks to the massive black holes ripping each other apart. There is constant Hashgacha Pratis being administered, so why do we ...
7
votes
1answer
111 views

PTIJ: Why do we announce that there is mold in shul only on the Shabbat before Rosh Hodesh? [closed]

I located this article entitled: על הכרזת המולד בבתי הכנסת Regarding the announcement of mold in the shul The first paragraph says that it is common in Ashkenazi shuls to announce on Shabbat Mevarchim ...
5
votes
1answer
91 views

PTIJ: Gingerbread man during Pesach [closed]

How does the gingerbread man deal with the Issur of Chametz on Pesach, if he's made of leavened flour? Does he sell himself to a Goy? Doesn't this defeat the purpose of being free on Pesach, of ...
1
vote
0answers
84 views

PTIJ: What kind of hat does Hashem wear? [closed]

What kind of hat does the Almighty wear? I'm not sure which brand He wears for the 'victory hat' mentioned in אַנְעִים זְמִירות חָבַשׁ כּובַע יְשׁוּעָה בְּראשׁו - He dons a hat of salvation on His ...
4
votes
2answers
230 views

PTIJ: Why do we say Mashiach is coming in a carriage? [closed]

Every day we say in Kaddish: בַּעֲגָלָא וּבִזְמַן קָרִיב [May redemption come] in a wagon, quickly. Whether Mashiach comes in a cloud or a donkey (cf. Sanhedrin 98a), he’s not coming in a wagon. So ...
5
votes
0answers
149 views

PTIJ: How did the Guide to the Perplexed affect thermodynamics? [closed]

Maimonides insists in Guide to the Perplexed that demons do not exist, despite mention of them in the Talmud. Some have later suggested that he wrote them out of existence! So what did that do to ...
3
votes
1answer
64 views

PTIJ: Hansel & Gretel burning their house down for Biur Chametz [closed]

Are Hansel and Gretel, who live in a gingerbread house, forced to sell their house for Pesach each year (due to owning Chametz)? Are they always going to hotels for Pesach? Does this mean that by ...
12
votes
7answers
301 views

PTIJ: Mordechai's politics [closed]

In Megillat Esther, Mordechai is described as an איש ימיני, a right-winger. Why does he feel it necessary to defend his political positions in his megillah? This question is Purim Torah and is not ...
6
votes
5answers
1k views

PTIJ: Should we get nose jobs? [closed]

I am puzzled by this exhortation in Proverbs 29:8: וַ֝חֲכָמִ֗ים יָשִׁ֥יבוּ אָֽף And the wise turn back their nose. Is this an invitation to undergo nose jobs to improve our looks? This question is ...
3
votes
1answer
87 views

PTIJ: Halacha regarding the expression: “Let's be in touch” [closed]

How is it Mutar for a man to tell a woman (or vice versa), "Let's be in touch"? Doesn't this violate the Halachos of Shomer Negiah? And if this is merely an expression, it seems like lying. ...
8
votes
7answers
518 views

PTIJ: What does halacha say about choosing a computer language? [closed]

I was planning to learn Python, but then I remembered that: הנחש מועד לעולם So if I code badly in Python, I would have to pay full damages. Also I believe Rabbi Eliezer praised anyone who killed a ...
12
votes
4answers
125 views

PTIJ: Why are fields safe places to tell secrets? [closed]

In Berachos 8b, we're taught the following: וּכְשֶׁיּוֹעֲצִין — אֵין יוֹעֲצִין אֶלָּא בַּשָּׂדֶה When you give advice, only give advice in the field. Why? As Rashi explains: אלא בשדה – דאמרי אינשי ...
7
votes
2answers
187 views

PTIJ: Could a vampire keep the Torah? [closed]

So far, what little discussion this site has had about vampires has assumed that they are evil creatures who should be killed. But imagine that a friendly neighborhood vampire starts attending an ...
1
vote
2answers
75 views

Ptij: What does beer have to do with this mishna? [closed]

Baba Kamma (6:5) says- הַמַּדְלִיק אֶת הַגָּדִישׁ, וְהָיוּ בּוֹ כֵלִים וְדָלָקוּ. רַבִּי יְהוּדָה אוֹמֵר, יְשַׁלֵּם מַה שֶּׁבְּתוֹכוֹ. וַחֲכָמִים אוֹמְרִים, אֵינוֹ מְשַׁלֵּם אֶלָּא גָּדִישׁ שֶׁל ...
1
vote
0answers
64 views

PTIJ: What are the political implications of Purim? [duplicate]

Mordechai is introduced as אִ֥ישׁ יְמִינִֽי׃ -- ish yemini, that is, "a man of the right". [Esther 2:5] Since he is a good and wise man, one to emulate, is this description a subtle way to ...
-1
votes
1answer
59 views

PTIJ: Heads and Tails with Adam HaRishon [closed]

Is the Torah describing a game of heads and tails when speaking about the creation of man? According to Brachot 61a, Chava was made from a tail (seemingly Adam's tail). According to Vayikra Rabbah on ...
3
votes
1answer
111 views

PTIJ: May one interrupt the Amidah to talk to God? [closed]

I've been told that when one says the amidah, one should imagine that he is addressing the King of Kings, directly. What happens if in the middle of the amidah, someone's cell phone rings and upon ...
12
votes
5answers
2k views

PTIJ: Halachic car-buying advice needed [closed]

Is it halachically permissible to purchase a Nissan during Adar? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
2
votes
1answer
145 views

PTIJ: Was Humpty Dumpty murdered in Sodom? [closed]

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall; All the King's horses And all the King's men, Couldn't put Humpty together again. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humpty_Dumpty ...
9
votes
3answers
149 views

PTIJ: Is Peter Pan forever Patur from Mitzvahs? [closed]

Whether or not Peter Pan was Jewish, it seems he could never become Chayiv to perform Mitzvahs. Being that a person requires Da'as to convert, could Peter Pan ever convert to Judaism if he never grows ...
15
votes
2answers
152 views

PTIJ: Travelling on named roads which have a Halachic status [closed]

There are many streets and roads with food and Biblically related names. Would such streets impart Kedushah, Tumah, or other Halachic statuses on the traveler? For example, is it Assur to travel on ...
2
votes
3answers
94 views

PTIJ: Can Mr. Potato Head be Mekayem וְאָכַלְתָּ֣ פְרִֽי־בִטְנְךָ֗ through eating Kugel? [closed]

Are the Tochachas in Devarim 28:53 cursing Mr. Potato Head that he will eat Kugel, potatoes in Cholent, Latkes, Knishes, and many other Jewish potatular (yes, a made-up word) cuisines? Since when is ...
2
votes
1answer
62 views

PTIJ: Future heter for tattoos? [closed]

It says in Yirmiyahu 31:32: "But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, saith the LORD, I will put My law in their inward parts, and in their heart will ...
22
votes
5answers
4k views

PTIJ: Why is everyone here so angry? [closed]

I thought everybody here seemed like a nice bunch, and I had nothing to be afraid of, but I discovered in Tehillim I was wrong! מִֽי־י֭וֹדֵעַ עֹ֣ז אַפֶּ֑ךָ וּ֝כְיִרְאָתְךָ֗ עֶבְרָתֶֽךָ Mi Yodeya, ...
8
votes
1answer
312 views

PTIJ: Issues with Pinocchio in Halacha [closed]

Assuming Pinocchio is Jewish, is he allowed to lie on Shabbos or Yom Tov (making his nose grow longer), or does this fall under the Issur of Zoreah (besides for the Issur of lying)? What about Boneh, ...
11
votes
1answer
154 views

PTIJ: Halachic Status of Breadboards on Pesach [closed]

What is the Halachic status of Breadboards on Pesach? Are they considered Matzoh since they are flat, or Chametz since they are breadboards? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be ...
4
votes
1answer
237 views

PTIJ: Why would a Shadchan suggest a “chosen seating”? [closed]

We are a Conservative family. We know Hebrew well, but are unfamiliar with some of the religious nomenclature. I'm quite new to the Shadchan scene. My daughter is looking to get married, and she asked ...
5
votes
1answer
147 views

PTIJ: Behavior when visiting a chair factory [closed]

North Carolina, in particular, is well-known for making quality furniture, especially chairs and benches. My friend and I plan on visiting one of these chair factories, soon. But I was puzzled by ...
1
vote
1answer
76 views

PTIJ: Halachos of illegal immigrants/aliens [closed]

Based on the consequences of alien fires (unsanctioned strange fires which weren't given permission) that Nadav and Avihu brought (Parshas Shemini, Leviticus 10:1), what is the Torah's perspective on ...
3
votes
3answers
228 views

PTIJ: corona is good? [closed]

I heard some people singing a Purim song recently. At least, I think it was a Purim song: I couldn't make out all the words, but I'm pretty sure it mentioned Mordechai, Haman, and Esther. But at the ...
2
votes
2answers
168 views

PTIJ: Rapunzel covering her hair [closed]

How would Rapunzel cover her hair after getting married, assuming she's Jewish? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
7
votes
1answer
207 views

PTIJ: “Peyshar Davar” - mi yodeya? [closed]

Who knows what the meaning of "a thing" is? פשר דבר - מי יודע?‏ Kohelet 8:1 expresses uncertainty about the meaning of "a thing": ... וּמִ֥י יוֹדֵ֖עַ פֵּ֣שֶׁר דָּבָ֑ר ... ... and ...
24
votes
3answers
3k views

PTIJ: Is Schrödinger's cat inscribed in the book of Life and the book of Death? [closed]

Based on the idea of quantum mechanics, Erwin Schrödinger proposed his famous "Schrödinger's cat" idea, which is a cat that is both alive and dead until observed. Is Schrödinger's cat ...
4
votes
2answers
156 views

PTIJ: Where / how can I buy Human Taschen? [closed]

A friend sent me this picture of Human Taschen: I see that it has two kashrut symbols. I find the CRC reliable. I can't quite read what the second kashrut symbol is. I've looked in a few stores in ...
1
vote
6answers
179 views

PTIJ: Who should I vote for? (23rd Knesset Edition) [closed]

One year ago Scimonster asked who we should vote for for the 21st Knesset. Well, luckily for us we get another opportunity to answer that question. Since the question has not changed that much I will ...
0
votes
1answer
412 views

PTIJ: Why are religious Jews so rude [closed]

Having walked around Brooklyn, I know that religious Jews never pay attention to others, and won't even reply to a friendly "hello" on the street. However, last year around this time it was ...
4
votes
0answers
77 views

PTIJ: What should be your 1st reaction to a foul-mouthed person who has laryngitis? [closed]

On of my friends has a terrible tendency to speak lashon hara. I've warned him about this many times, and I try to cover my ears or walk away. But, he keeps doing this. This morning, I said hello to ...
-1
votes
1answer
77 views

PTIJ: Performing Hagala or Libun to Kasher ones hands [duplicate]

There's a din of Kebolo Kach Polto1, which means that the same way a taste enters something, is how it leaves. Therefore, does someone that burns their hand while handling hot food, have to burn it ...
1
vote
1answer
87 views

PTIJ: Rules of הלכות שטגן [closed]

I was learning הלכות שַׁטְגָּן with my חברותא and he pointed out in the ספר בשר חמורים that "וכלל הוא שאין שטגן בדבר הסמוי מן העין". What other general rules exist in הלכות שטגן? ...

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