Questions tagged [purim-torah-in-jest]
THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. "Purim Torah" is humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim. Mi Yodeya has a great collection of Purim Torah, under this tag. For our collection of *real* Q&A about Judaism, see our home page: judaism.stackexchange.com.
41 questions from the last 365 days
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PTIJ: why can’t Jews be dare-y with meat [closed]
Halacha is that Jews separate meat from being dare-y. Is there a reason for this, especially given the principle of shomer petaim hashem (see psalms 116:6).
This question is Purim Torah and is not ...
- 4,532
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97
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PTIJ: may Jews time travel and sin in the past before Yom Kippur [closed]
There is a mitzvah to ask for forgiveness from somebody you’ve wronged on Erev Yom Kippur. Also the Mishnah in Yoma 8:9 states
With regard to one who says: I will sin and then I will repent, I will ...
- 4,532
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2
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PTIJ: What did the Yidden do wrong that they deserved that the entire nation should have bad hearing? [closed]
The Megila which we read every Purim starts off with the following Pasuk:
"וַיְהִ֖י בִּימֵ֣י אֲחַשְׁוֵר֑וֹשׁ ה֣וּא אֲחַשְׁוֵר֗וֹשׁ הַמֹּלֵךְ֙ מֵהֹ֣דּוּ וְעַד־כּ֔וּשׁ שֶׁ֛בַע וְעֶשְׂרִ֥ים וּמֵאָ֖ה ...
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PTIJ: If I wear a bear head to the megilla reading, must I wear a kippah on top of it? [closed]
At the Megillah reading there were many people dressed joyously for Yom Tov, including a number of people in the guise of various animals.
Must a person in the guise of an animal wear a kippah on the ...
- 438
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PTIJ: How do we know from the Megilla that Haman and Zeresh had a bad marriage? [closed]
"וַיִּתְאַפַּק הָמָן, וַיָּבוֹא אֶל-בֵּיתוֹ; וַיִּשְׁלַח וַיָּבֵא אֶת-אֹהֲבָיו, וְאֶת-זֶרֶשׁ אִשְׁתּוֹ"
"Haman refrained himself, and went home; and he sent and fetched his loved ones ...
- 186
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1
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PTIJ: Hagalah on a suit from a non-Jew [closed]
Do you have to do Hagalah on a suit that you buy from a non-Jew and if so does dry cleaning count?
Please cite sources if possible.
This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
- 3,184
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3
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PTIJ: How do you prove G-d is The BOSS? [closed]
How can you prove, directly from the Divine Name, that G-d is The BOSS?
This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
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PTIJ: Website hechsherim [closed]
Can anyone explain to me how the concept of hechsherim and mashgichim works for websites? I'm often asked by a website to accept some or all cookies, but most websites don't include a hechsher or ...
- 3,184
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PTIJ: Does Chukot Hagoyim and Dina D’malchuta Dina apply on planet of the apes [closed]
Does the usual Halacha of following the secular laws of non-Jews and prohibition against following non-Jewish customs apply on planet of the apes?
This question is Purim Torah and is not intended ...
- 4,532
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PTIJ: Was Yitzchak Breslov? [closed]
I've been pondering which type of Jew each of the Avos was and I think I have proof to one of them. Genesis 24:63 states,
וַיֵּצֵ֥א יִצְחָ֛ק לָשׂ֥וּחַ בַּשָּׂדֶ֖ה לִפְנ֣וֹת עָ֑רֶב
-"Yitzchak went ...
- 185
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1
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PTIJ: Why do we glorify Pearl Harbor? [closed]
I don't think that our educational system should include songs which celebrate war. Is there any discussion why we teach children to sing about the attack on Pearl Harbor as if it was a divine ...
- 38.7k
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PTIJ: Guide to being a super hero if you are Jewish [closed]
There have been many super heroes in Jewish history. For example, Rivka was actually Batman. See Onkelos on Bereshit 24:23:
וַאֲמַר בַּת מָן אַתְּ
And he (Eliezer) said "You are Batman"
...
- 14.7k
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73
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PTIJ: What are some customs and traditions of the Yishletu Chasidim? [closed]
I haven't met very many Yishletuers, and am looking to get some more information. From what I've heard, their name comes from "yesh l'tu", since they go out of their way to make sure they do ...
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PTIJ: Can my friend be eaten? [closed]
My Hebrew is far short of what I would like, so I often must rely on translation. In the translation I read:
Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; even as the green herb have I given ...
- 205
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5
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PTIJ: Why did the chicken cross the road? [closed]
Just wondering if Torah sources have any answer to the world's most timeless and compelling question: why did the chicken cross the road?
This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
- 14.7k
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1
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PTIJ: How can we have extra simcha when the trees are brought in if the tree is too big to move? [closed]
The gemara says in Taanit (29a):
מִשֶּׁנִּכְנַס אדר מַרְבִּין בְּשִׂמְחָה.
When adar comes in, we increase simcha.
What is an adar?
If we look at other places where the same word is used, we find ...
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PTIJ: How are we supposed to ever be bisimcha? [closed]
Dovid HaMelech tells us in Tehillim (100:2) "עבדו את ה' בשמחה", that we should serve Hashem with happiness. Yet the Mishnah in Taanis (4:6) says "מִשֶּׁנִּכְנַס אָב, מְמַעֲטִין ...
- 649
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763
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PTIJ: How did the chickens get involved? [closed]
In explaining the various obligations on Purim, the codifiers insist that more than just men are obligated because "af Hen hayu b'oto hanes", even the hens were involved with the same ...
- 38.7k
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2
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273
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PTIJ: Why do chasidim say they're Haman before performing mitvos? [closed]
I've noticed a very common phrase in Siddurim that is printed before mitzvos such as kiddush levana, birchas hamazon, etc... "הנני ממוכן ומזמן" which translates as "I am hereby '...
- 185
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PTIJ: Biden and the towel [closed]
The Mishnah says [Shabbat 22:5]:
אבל עשרה בני אדם מסתפגין באלונטית אחת פניהם ידיהם ורגליהם, ומביאין אותה בידן.
However, ten people may use one towel to dry their faces, hands, and feet, and may ...
- 23.6k
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1
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PTIJ: What’s the Neturei Karta minhag when hearing hamas in Megillah Esther on Purim [closed]
Most Jews when they hear the Megillah Esther being read on Purim spin gragers and go “boo Hamas” when hearing Hamas’ name mentioned. Do Neturei Karta Jews not have this minhag?
This question is Purim ...
- 4,532
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2k
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PTIJ: What's so special about Cola? [closed]
It says in Bireishis 24:1 Hashem blessed Avraham Bakol.
Targum Onkoles tiches Bakol to mean Bicola. With Cola. Why was Cola such a blessing?
Also we praise Hashem in Brich Shimeh. אנת הוא שליט על כלא.
...
- 4,138
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PTIJ: Forfeit your own Olam Haba? [closed]
They say if you embarrass someone, you lose your chelek in Olam Haba. So if you try to go for a high note during leining and have a voice crack and people make fun of you and thus you caused your own ...
- 3,271
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PTIJ: Are we allowed to eat talking animals? [closed]
What is the din of eating a talking animal? E.g. Bilaam's donkey, the Nachash (if he hypothetically was still uncursed at the time), Sonic the Hedgehog, etc?
Kashrut aside (e.g. a non-Jew, or when no ...
- 14.7k
2
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1
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135
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PTIJ: why did only the Rosh write a commentary on Masechet Hashanah [closed]
I am curious why the only person who wrote a commentary on the Talmudic tractate Hashanah is the Rosh, Rabbi Asher ben Yechiel.
This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely ...
- 4,532
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PTIJ: The truth about the seder plate [closed]
In Peter David's Star Trek novel Imzadi, the villains are named Betzah, Zeroah, Charoset, Chazeret, Karpas and Maror.
What does Chazal tell us about the dark truth concerning the denizens of the seder ...
- 23.6k
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1k
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PTIJ: Why are we fixated on our voices? [closed]
We make sure to ask Hashem for permission before we eat food and most of the blessings relate to the type of food being eaten. But when we eat a food that doesn't fit neatly into any other categories, ...
- 38.7k
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PTIJ: Why get drunk specifically in bed? [closed]
In Megilla (7b) the Gemara states:
אמר רבא: מחייב איניש לבסומי בפוריא, עד דלא ידע בין ארור המן לברוך מרדכי
Rava stated: One must get drunk in bed, to the point where he doesn't distinguish between &...
- 5,064
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4
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1k
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PTIJ: Is there any evidence that Tolkien’s Hobbit and Lord of the Rings are based upon the teachings of the Torah? [closed]
Many of the outer trappings of the popular fantasy novels by J.R.R Tolkien, (John Ronald Reuel Tolkien, that Reuel was one of the alternate names of Yitro, Moshe's father-in-law) The Hobbit and The ...
- 16.7k
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PTIJ: What is the significance of the mitzvah to multiply in Peru? [closed]
Genesis 1:28:
וַיְבָ֣רֶךְ אֹתָם֮ אֱלֹהִים֒ וַיֹּ֨אמֶר לָהֶ֜ם אֱלֹהִ֗ים פְּר֥וּ וּרְב֛וּ וּמִלְא֥וּ אֶת־הָאָ֖רֶץ וְכִבְשֻׁ֑הָ וּרְד֞וּ בִּדְגַ֤ת הַיָּם֙ וּבְע֣וֹף הַשָּׁמַ֔יִם וּבְכָל־חַיָּ֖ה ...
- 382
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PTIJ: What's the correct bracha for that most traditional Jewish food, the bacon cheeseburger? [closed]
What's the correct bracha for a bacon cheeseburger?
If it's on a bread roll, it's easy, hamotzi, but what if it's on a delectable mazonot roll? What if it's served in a lettuce wrap?
Does it make a ...
- 438
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1
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PTIJ: can the hunchback of notre dame convert [closed]
The Torah in Deuteronomy 10:16 states
וּמַלְתֶּ֕ם אֵ֖ת עׇרְלַ֣ת לְבַבְכֶ֑ם וְעׇ֨רְפְּכֶ֔ם לֹ֥א תַקְשׁ֖וּ עֽוֹד׃
Cut away, therefore, the thickening about your hearts and stiffen your necks no more.
...
- 4,532
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PTIJ: Mourning for batteries [closed]
What are the halachos of mourning over dead batteries? Do we say Baruch Dayan Haemes? Is there a period of shiva during which other batteries from the same pack should be removed from their device ...
- 3,184
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5
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PTIJ: How is holding Mount Sinai up a good threat? [closed]
I've had this question for a while, but saw someone else ask it this year:
The Talmud [Shabbat 88a] explains that God lifted Sinai above the heads of the Jewish People and coerced them into accepting ...
- 1,167
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2
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548
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PTIJ: why are fast people singled out after Yom Kippur/tisha b’av [closed]
After Yom Kippur and Tisha B’av Jews are supposed to break the fast. But why single out the fast people? Is there something about them that makes them more deserving of punishment than slow or medium ...
- 4,532
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PTIJ: Cookies for Elijah [closed]
The prophet Elijah told the woman:
וַיֹּ֨אמֶר אֵלֶ֤יהָ אֵלִיָּ֙הוּ֙ אַל־תִּ֣ירְאִ֔י בֹּ֖אִי עֲשִׂ֣י כִדְבָרֵ֑ךְ אַ֣ךְ עֲשִׂי־לִֽי־מִ֠שָּׁ֠ם עֻגָ֨ה קְטַנָּ֤ה בָרִֽאשֹׁנָה֙ וְהוֹצֵ֣את לִ֔י וְלָ֣ךְ ...
- 23.6k
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4
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502
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PTIJ: Hadran Composition [closed]
When we complete a masechta, we say the Hadran tefillah/declaration. In recent years, there has been a great deal of interest in the composition of the Hadran as it contains information about the ...
- 3,184
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PTIJ: I thought one couldn’t write a half Torah [closed]
The Halacha states that a Sefer Torah isn’t valid if it has missing words, or even letters. Then how come each Shabbat after reading the Torah parsha can we read a “halftorah”?
This question is Purim ...
- 4,532
4
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0
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84
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PTIJ - Understanding Adar II [closed]
I am interested in really getting a handle on Adar II as it begins but I wasn't paying attention to Adar I. Would it be better to wait until the next leap year and really pay attention in Adar I so ...
- 38.7k
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1
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PTIJ: Is a hot-dog a sandwich? [closed]
A neder is where one forbids oneself benefit from an object such as food.
There's a rule concerning nedarim that says:
וּבִנְדָרִים הַלֵּךְ אַחַר לְשׁוֹן בְּנֵי אָדָם.
with regard to vows, follow the ...
- 2,328
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5
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3k
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PTIJ: Can a Cohen go into a room with 60 or more sleeping people? [closed]
This is a question I heard in yeshiva: if sleep is a sixtieth of death:
שינה אחד מששים למיתה (Brochot 57b)
... then is a Cohen, who may not be in a room with a cadaver, allowed into a room where 60+ ...
- 14.7k