Questions tagged [purim-torah-in-jest]
THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. "Purim Torah" is humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim. Mi Yodeya has a great collection of Purim Torah, under this tag. For our collection of *real* Q&A about Judaism, see our home page: judaism.stackexchange.com.
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PTIJ: What did Egyptian vampires drink during the Makkah of Dam? [closed]
What happened if an Egyptian vampire living during the Makkah of Dam siphoned on a neck for blood? Was he punished with water instead?
This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
- 3,549
1
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1
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58
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PTIJ: Destroying Avodah Zara - Pandora's box [closed]
Is one Halachically allowed to smash and destroy Pandora's Box which is considered Avodah Zara, or is this considered a Sakana because it will unleash untold horrors to the world?
This question is ...
- 3,549
1
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0
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46
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PTIJ: Halachic issues with Darth Vader [closed]
Can one drink Non-mevushal wine which was moved/stirred by Darth Vader using the Force?
If Darth Vader converted, and performed Shechita using the Force (not holding the knife in his hands), is the ...
- 3,549
1
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0
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24
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PTIJ: Erev Rav's Eruv Rav [closed]
Did the Erev Rav have their own Eruv Rav that they used for carrying on Shabbos?
This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
- 3,549
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0
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PTIJ: Mrs Pots and Hagala [closed]
If Mrs Pots drinks hot chicken soup, does she need to wait 6 hours before eating dairy? Or does she need to wait 24 hours for the flavors to go stale, and then go through Hagala to be able to eat ...
- 3,549
4
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1
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141
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PTIJ: Order, Yahoo and the Torah [closed]
The Jerusalem Talmud says:
הַקּוֹרֵא לְמַפְרֵעַ לֹא יָצָא. ... אוֹמֵר תַּנָּא נַחְמָן סַבָּא
וְהָיוּ כְּדֶרֶךְ הֲוִייָתָן יְהוּ
. תַּנִּי אַף בְּהַלֵּל וּבִקְרִיאַת הַמְּגִילָּה כֵּן.
He who reads ...
- 18.5k
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0
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169
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PTIJ: What kind of Jew was Mordechai? [closed]
We are told that Mordechai is ish yemini -- a man of the Right [Esther 2:5]. He insists on a two-day Purim, since he lives in the Diaspora [Esther 9:21]. This implies a tendency towards ...
- 18.5k
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3
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PTIJ: The technology of ancient Persia [closed]
The book of Esther says:
וַיָּ֧סַר הַמֶּ֛לֶךְ אֶת־טַבַּעְתּ֖וֹ ... לְהָמָ֧ן -- The king gave Haman a ring. [Esther 3:10]
So they had telephones. Wow! Also:
לַיְּהוּדִ֕ים הָֽיְתָ֥ה אוֹרָ֖ה ...
- 18.5k
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7
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PTIJ Should we be afraid of Artificial Intelligence? [closed]
In Sefer Yirmiyahu, the navi seems to speak out against relying on artificial intelligence. In Yirmiyahu 4:19, the navi says (text by Sefaria, translation by a robot?),
מֵעַ֣י ׀ מֵעַ֨י ׀ (אחולה) [...
- 37.1k
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PTIJ: Why was Rabbah afraid of getting scorched by the star? [closed]
In Bava Batra 73a it says:
"אָמַר רַבָּה אִשְׁתַּעוּ לִי נָחוֹתֵי יַמָּא בֵּין גַּלָּא לְגַלָּא תְּלָת מְאָה פַּרְסֵי וְרוּמָא דְגַלָּא תְּלָת מְאָה פַּרְסֵי זִימְנָא חֲדָא הֲוָה אָזְלִינַן ...
- 23.2k
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PTIJ: Is ChatGPT a good thing? [closed]
The author of Mevo HaShe'arim very clearly approves of the work done by OpenAI to grant the public easy access to their GPT, by releasing ChatGPT. He writes in 10:6:
שנקל להם מתחילה אף במעט יגיעה ...
- 39.7k
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PTIJ: Can we change the liturgy for the day before the clock change? [closed]
The well-known custom for generations in holy congregations in the United States is to conclude services on the last Shabbat that's at least 27 days before Tekufat Nissan with the following formula, ...
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1
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PTIJ: Correct formation of Eli Belly Peanut Butter Jelly [closed]
Maharik 86:
אשר בשעת מילתו
נקרא אליהו ושוב נקרא בל"י לכל אדם פשיטא ופשיטא דלכתחלה היה לו לכתוב אליהו דמתקרי בלי או המכונה בלי.
Eliyahu who now goes by Belly, it is more than understood that the ...
- 359
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4
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PTIJ: Is baldness good or bad? [closed]
Psalm 69:5 says "More numerous than the hairs of my head are those who hate me without reason." And Leviticus 13:40 says: "וְאִ֕ישׁ כִּ֥י יִמָּרֵ֖ט רֹאשׁ֑וֹ קֵרֵ֥חַ ה֖וּא טָה֥וֹר הֽוּא׃ ...
- 18.5k
2
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2
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PTIJ: Was Avraham a firebender? [closed]
B"H
It says pretty explicitly "He took in his hands, the fire", if he didn't know firebending, then how did he not get burnt?
Let's also not forget how he was thrown into the fiery ...
- 327
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PTIJ: Why does the mishnah call us landlubbers? [closed]
The mishnah in Nedarim 3:6 says:
If someone makes a neder forbidding benefit from sailors, he can benefit from landlubbers. If he makes a neder forbidding benefit from landlubbers, he's forbidden to ...
- 41
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2
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139
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PTIJ: Who would win in an all-out Brawl? [closed]
The showdown of biblical proportions!
Who would win in a fight between the major characters in Tanach?
The rules:
No magical weapons (i.e. Moshe's staff is banned)
Character's fight in their prime (I ...
- 17
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1
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266
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PTIJ: How long do we have to give Biden? [closed]
It says famously in the opening Mishna of Pirkei Avos:
הֱווּ מְתוּנִים בַּדִּין
Be patient in the administration of Biden
And we can see from Rambam (Mishneh Torah, Tzitzis 3:9) that he can go ...
- 24.8k
4
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1
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196
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PTIJ: is the Force Avodah Zarah? [closed]
Inspired by Boba Fett, is the Jedi religion in star wars, the force, avodah zarah (idolatry)? According to a Wikipedia article, the Force is a metaphysical power. Like the Shekhinah (which means ...
- 1,175
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PTIJ: Paddy's Purim Partying Problem [closed]
Purim falling on March 17 this year raises the question: May a person count a single act of getting drunk as celebrating both the Jewish festival and the Irish festival? Or do Irish Jews need to get ...
- 587
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0
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53
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PTIJ: Halachos related to The Magic Mirror [closed]
Does The Magic Mirror have to cover himself when observing Aveilus? Can The Magic Mirror daven in front of other Magic Mirrors, or is that forbidden since one may not daven in front of a mirror (...
- 3,549
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3
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PTIJ: Gingerbread man making Kiddush [closed]
There is a Halacha to cover bread and Mezonos during Kiddush (related question: Covering the Cake During Kiddush). How does the Gingerbread man make Kiddush if he is Mezonos? Does he need to cover ...
- 3,549
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3
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267
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PTIJ: Did Yaakov wear a shtreimel or not? [closed]
There is a well-known midrash that says (my translation):
Q: How do we know that Yaakov wore a shtreimel?
A: It says: "And Yaakov left Be'er Sheva". What, he left without a shtreimel?
...
- 23.2k
2
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2
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139
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PTIJ: Pay? How much? And which cow? [closed]
Every year, right around when Adar begins, one of my Rebbeim would let us know that we need to
Pay to Remember the Cow of the Month
Well, Adar came around this year (twice!), and when I went ahead ...
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2
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478
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PTIJ: The Tooth Fairy and theft [closed]
As the child who puts his or her tooth under the pillow does not have the halachic standing to make anything hefker, the tooth remains his or hers so anyone taking it should be held accountable for ...
- 37.1k
5
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2
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232
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PTIJ: How do people outside of the NY area celebrate Purim correctly? [closed]
One of the ways we mark the joyousness of Purim is by presenting short performances of poetry and song, and from I have read, they all must be produced by גראַמען Studios in Long Island - in fact, ...
- 37.1k
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1
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117
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PTIJ: Addressing God properly [closed]
Psalm 150 says:
כֹּ֣ל הַ֭נְּשָׁמָה תְּהַלֵּ֥ל יָ֗הּ -- All that breathes praises ya
Isn't it a bit too familiar to address God as "ya"?
This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to ...
- 18.5k
3
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1
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137
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PTIJ: If Gary the Snail had Tzara'at, is it considered bodily, clothing, or house? [closed]
Similar to another PTIJ question I asked (PTIJ: Oscar the Grouch getting Tzara'at on his garbage can), if Gary the snail from Spongebob had Da'as and became a Ger, but subsequently got Tzara'at on ...
- 3,549
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1
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128
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PTIJ: Halachic issues with Superman and Jews from the Krypton planet [closed]
In the following cases, how does Superman, or any citizen from the planet Krypton follow the Halacha?
Assuming Superman is invited over Friday night and isn't Jewish, how would one stop him from ...
- 3,549
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1
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PTIJ: Anthropomorphic sentient dishware using the Mikveh on Shabbos [closed]
There is a Gemara in Beitza 18a which says that vessels may not be immersed into a Mikveh on Shabbos (such as to Tovel a dish, which "fixes" it), but people may immerse (since anyone ...
- 3,549
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PTIJ: Why does every daf in Gemara say "pork"? [closed]
If you look at every daf (page) of Gemara (on the standard Vilna edition), it says "pork", followed by a number.
Ex.
Source:Mercava
Can the Gemara really be telling us that pork is okay, to ...
- 1,539
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1
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266
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PTIJ: Remy the rat converting to Judaism [closed]
How does Remy, a rat from Ratatouille, ever perform proper Tevilah to become Jewish, if there's a concept that one cannot hold a rodent/Sheretz and become Tahor in a Mikveh?
(All the while under the ...
- 3,549
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0
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88
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PTIJ: Did the people mean what we think they meant? [closed]
The Torah says:
וַיִּקַּח֙ סֵ֣פֶר הַבְּרִ֔ית וַיִּקְרָ֖א בְּאׇזְנֵ֣י הָעָ֑ם וַיֹּ֣אמְר֔וּ כֹּ֛ל אֲשֶׁר־דִּבֶּ֥ר יְהֹוָ֖ה נַעֲשֶׂ֥ה וְנִשְׁמָֽע׃
Then [Moses] took the book of the covenant and read it ...
- 18.5k
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PTIJ: Why do the Sages look down on Plony Alimony? [closed]
Plony only comes up once in all of the Sifrei Tanakh and is spit upon by his late brother's wife. He also loses a shoe. (Read all the details in Ruth Chapter 4.) Did our ancestors have no respect for ...
- 18k
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2
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PTIJ: Why may plaster be used to protect from a vulture's fury? [closed]
Chain-PTIJ from this one.
It says in Mishna Sukkah 1:3:
"פֶּרֶס עליה- סדין מפני הַחֵמָה"
"If a vulture strikes it, cover it with plaster to protect from its fury".
I suppose ...
- 23.2k
6
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3
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184
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PTIJ: Protection against sukkah being attacked by an eagle? [closed]
In Mishna Sukkah 1:3
...פֵּרַס עָלֶיהָ סָדִין מִפְּנֵי הַחַמָּה, אוֹ תַּחְתֶּיהָ מִפְּנֵי הַנֶּשֶׁר
If one spread a sheet over the roofing as protection for those sitting in the sukka due to the sun, ...
- 1,417
2
votes
1
answer
126
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PTIJ: 50% of laser light on the floor of a Sukkah [closed]
From the Gemara of Sukkah, it was argued that if the light at the bottom of the Sukkah is 50% light, 50% dark, then the Schach must be Kosher, since light expands as it travels from the top to the ...
- 3,549
3
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2
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697
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PTIJ: Donuts on Chanukah with one's car [closed]
Can one fulfill the Chiyuv to have donuts on Chanukah with one's car, by making donuts?
This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
- 3,549
4
votes
2
answers
175
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PTIJ: May a cow bring a korban shelamim bezman hazeh? [closed]
In Shemos 24:5 we find
וישלח, את-נערי בני ישראל, ויעלו, עולות; ויזבחו זבחים שלמים,
ליהוה--פרים
And he sent the youth of Israel, and they offered Olot; and the cows
slaughtered shelamim sacrifices to ...
- 773
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1
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145
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PTIJ : Why did Obi-Wan Kenobi think Jedi of HaForce strengthen after מָוֶת? [closed]
PTIJ: Why did Obi-Wan Kenobi think Jedi of HaForce strengthen after מָוֶת?
“If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.”
Similar to אֱלִישָׁ֔ע Elisha in 2 Kings ...
- 1,328
1
vote
2
answers
143
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PTIJ: Why Is Odin Considered Sonless? [closed]
When Zelophead's daughter's demand inheritance on their father's behalf, they state:
...לָמָּה יִגָּרַע שֵׁם-אָבִינוּ מִתּוֹךְ מִשְׁפַּחְתּוֹ, כִּי אֵין לוֹ בֵּן.
Why is our father's name Yggr ...
- 8,134
7
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3
answers
880
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PTIJ: Using electricity on Shabbos heter [closed]
There is a common stance that one may not "use" (whatever that means) electricity on Shabbos, but it seems that the talmud allows for a heter, a permissible case. Apparently, if one wants to ...
- 37.1k
6
votes
5
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1k
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PTIJ: May one become a non-serpentine animagus? [closed]
As is well-known to all who have read Hilchot Potter, Vol. 1-7, there are certain wizards who have managed to become animagi (singular: animagus), i.e., able to transform into animals (one animal per ...
- 23.2k
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6
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665
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PTIJ: Who is Rue? [closed]
וְהָיָה לָכֶם לְצִיצִת וּרְאִיתֶם אֹתוֹ וּזְכַרְתֶּם אֶת כָּל מִצְוֹת יְהֹוָה וַעֲשִׂיתֶם אֹתָם וְלֹא תָתֻרוּ אַחֲרֵי לְבַבְכֶם וְאַחֲרֵי עֵינֵיכֶם אֲשֶׁר אַתֶּם זֹנִים אַחֲרֵיהֶם
It clearly says ...
- 893
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1
answer
213
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PTIJ: Can a Torah scroll reveal "Jewish" national treasures? [closed]
I was watching the movie “National Treasure” and thought how can I apply the lessons of this movie to Judaism. In the movie, Ben Gates (Nicolas Cage) decides to steal the Declaration of Independence. ...
- 1,175
2
votes
3
answers
180
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PTIJ: All Sukkahs that are Kosher are also Passul? [closed]
If a Sukkah needs פסולת (raw organic material that can't be Mekabel Tumah and is detached from the ground) for the Schach to be Kosher, then doesn't every Kosher Sukkah have Passul-ness to it?
Which ...
- 3,549
5
votes
4
answers
2k
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PTIJ: Oldest Game in the World [closed]
What is the oldest game in the world? Is it hide and seek, when Adam hid from Hashem in Gan Eden?
This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim ...
- 3,549
22
votes
2
answers
2k
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PTIJ: Oscar the Grouch getting Tzara'at on his garbage can [closed]
If Oscar the Grouch gets Tzara'at on his garbage can, is that considered Tzara'at of clothing or Tzara'at of one's home?
This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely ...
- 3,549
2
votes
1
answer
154
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PTIJ: Erasing Amalek's name written on Andy's toys' shoes [closed]
Was Andy from Amalek? Would that explain why Buzz Lightyear and Woody's shoe his name is written on it (since there's an Inyan to write Amalak's name on the bottom of your shoe to erase their memory)?
...
- 3,549
3
votes
5
answers
218
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PTIJ: Why would I need to listen to informant of my Father? [closed]
שמע בני מוסר אביך- Heed O Son to the informant of your father (Proverbs 1:8)
Firstly, we put a Moiser (informant) to death. Secondly its Lashon Harah to listen to negative things about your father
Why ...
- 15.2k