Questions tagged [purim-torah-in-jest]

THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. "Purim Torah" is humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim. Mi Yodeya has a great collection of Purim Torah, under this tag. For our collection of *real* Q&A about Judaism, see our home page: judaism.stackexchange.com.

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8 votes
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PTIJ: Can we change the liturgy for the day before the clock change? [closed]

The well-known custom for generations in holy congregations in the United States is to conclude services on the last Shabbat that's at least 27 days before Tekufat Nissan with the following formula, ...
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2 votes
1 answer
99 views

PTIJ: Correct formation of Eli Belly Peanut Butter Jelly [closed]

Maharik 86: אשר בשעת מילתו נקרא אליהו ושוב נקרא בל"י לכל אדם פשיטא ופשיטא דלכתחלה היה לו לכתוב אליהו דמתקרי בלי או המכונה בלי. Eliyahu who now goes by Belly, it is more than understood that the ...
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9 votes
4 answers
386 views

PTIJ: Is baldness good or bad? [closed]

Psalm 69:5 says "More numerous than the hairs of my head are those who hate me without reason." And Leviticus 13:40 says: "וְאִ֕ישׁ כִּ֥י יִמָּרֵ֖ט רֹאשׁ֑וֹ קֵרֵ֥חַ ה֖וּא טָה֥וֹר הֽוּא׃ ...
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2 votes
2 answers
100 views

PTIJ: Was Avraham a firebender? [closed]

B"H It says pretty explicitly "He took in his hands, the fire", if he didn't know firebending, then how did he not get burnt? Let's also not forget how he was thrown into the fiery ...
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4 votes
1 answer
88 views

PTIJ: Why does the mishnah call us landlubbers? [closed]

The mishnah in Nedarim 3:6 says: If someone makes a neder forbidding benefit from sailors, he can benefit from landlubbers. If he makes a neder forbidding benefit from landlubbers, he's forbidden to ...
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0 votes
2 answers
98 views

PTIJ: Who would win in an all-out Brawl? [closed]

The showdown of biblical proportions! Who would win in a fight between the major characters in Tanach? The rules: No magical weapons (i.e. Moshe's staff is banned) Character's fight in their prime (I ...
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7 votes
1 answer
193 views

PTIJ: How long do we have to give Biden? [closed]

It says famously in the opening Mishna of Pirkei Avos: הֱווּ מְתוּנִים בַּדִּין Be patient in the administration of Biden And we can see from Rambam (Mishneh Torah, Tzitzis 3:9) that he can go ...
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4 votes
1 answer
163 views

PTIJ: is the Force Avodah Zarah? [closed]

Inspired by Boba Fett, is the Jedi religion in star wars, the force, avodah zarah (idolatry)? According to a Wikipedia article, the Force is a metaphysical power. Like the Shekhinah (which means ...
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  • 1,057
7 votes
2 answers
405 views

PTIJ: Paddy's Purim Partying Problem [closed]

Purim falling on March 17 this year raises the question: May a person count a single act of getting drunk as celebrating both the Jewish festival and the Irish festival? Or do Irish Jews need to get ...
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4 votes
0 answers
43 views

PTIJ: Halachos related to The Magic Mirror [closed]

Does The Magic Mirror have to cover himself when observing Aveilus? Can The Magic Mirror daven in front of other Magic Mirrors, or is that forbidden since one may not daven in front of a mirror (...
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7 votes
3 answers
185 views

PTIJ: Gingerbread man making Kiddush [closed]

There is a Halacha to cover bread and Mezonos during Kiddush (related question: Covering the Cake During Kiddush). How does the Gingerbread man make Kiddush if he is Mezonos? Does he need to cover ...
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  • 3,335
3 votes
3 answers
188 views

PTIJ: Did Yaakov wear a shtreimel or not? [closed]

There is a well-known midrash that says (my translation): Q: How do we know that Yaakov wore a shtreimel? A: It says: "And Yaakov left Be'er Sheva". What, he left without a shtreimel? ...
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2 votes
2 answers
123 views

PTIJ: Pay? How much? And which cow? [closed]

Every year, right around when Adar begins, one of my Rebbeim would let us know that we need to Pay to Remember the Cow of the Month Well, Adar came around this year (twice!), and when I went ahead ...
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  • 6,684
9 votes
2 answers
434 views

PTIJ: The Tooth Fairy and theft [closed]

As the child who puts his or her tooth under the pillow does not have the halachic standing to make anything hefker, the tooth remains his or hers so anyone taking it should be held accountable for ...
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  • 36.5k
5 votes
2 answers
197 views

PTIJ: How do people outside of the NY area celebrate Purim correctly? [closed]

One of the ways we mark the joyousness of Purim is by presenting short performances of poetry and song, and from I have read, they all must be produced by גראַמען Studios in Long Island - in fact, ...
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0 votes
1 answer
99 views

PTIJ: Addressing God properly [closed]

Psalm 150 says: כֹּ֣ל הַ֭נְּשָׁמָה תְּהַלֵּ֥ל יָ֗הּ -- All that breathes praises ya Isn't it a bit too familiar to address God as "ya"? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to ...
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3 votes
1 answer
113 views

PTIJ: If Gary the Snail had Tzara'at, is it considered bodily, clothing, or house? [closed]

Similar to another PTIJ question I asked (PTIJ: Oscar the Grouch getting Tzara'at on his garbage can), if Gary the snail from Spongebob had Da'as and became a Ger, but subsequently got Tzara'at on ...
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  • 3,335
-2 votes
1 answer
104 views

PTIJ: Halachic issues with Superman and Jews from the Krypton planet [closed]

In the following cases, how does Superman, or any citizen from the planet Krypton follow the Halacha? Assuming Superman is invited over Friday night and isn't Jewish, how would one stop him from ...
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  • 3,335
4 votes
1 answer
134 views

PTIJ: Anthropomorphic sentient dishware using the Mikveh on Shabbos [closed]

There is a Gemara in Beitza 18a which says that vessels may not be immersed into a Mikveh on Shabbos (such as to Tovel a dish, which "fixes" it), but people may immerse (since anyone ...
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8 votes
3 answers
2k views

PTIJ: Why does every daf in Gemara say "pork"? [closed]

If you look at every daf (page) of Gemara (on the standard Vilna edition), it says "pork", followed by a number. Ex. Source:Mercava Can the Gemara really be telling us that pork is okay, to ...
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  • 1,521
1 vote
1 answer
232 views

PTIJ: Remy the rat converting to Judaism [closed]

How does Remy, a rat from Ratatouille, ever perform proper Tevilah to become Jewish, if there's a concept that one cannot hold a rodent/Sheretz and become Tahor in a Mikveh? (All the while under the ...
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  • 3,335
1 vote
0 answers
77 views

PTIJ: Did the people mean what we think they meant? [closed]

The Torah says: וַיִּקַּח֙ סֵ֣פֶר הַבְּרִ֔ית וַיִּקְרָ֖א בְּאׇזְנֵ֣י הָעָ֑ם וַיֹּ֣אמְר֔וּ כֹּ֛ל אֲשֶׁר־דִּבֶּ֥ר יְהֹוָ֖ה נַעֲשֶׂ֥ה וְנִשְׁמָֽע׃ Then [Moses] took the book of the covenant and read it ...
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8 votes
1 answer
133 views

PTIJ: Why do the Sages look down on Plony Alimony? [closed]

Plony only comes up once in all of the Sifrei Tanakh and is spit upon by his late brother's wife. He also loses a shoe. (Read all the details in Ruth Chapter 4.) Did our ancestors have no respect for ...
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2 votes
2 answers
80 views

PTIJ: Why may plaster be used to protect from a vulture's fury? [closed]

Chain-PTIJ from this one. It says in Mishna Sukkah 1:3: "פֶּרֶס עליה- סדין מפני הַחֵמָה" "If a vulture strikes it, cover it with plaster to protect from its fury". I suppose ...
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6 votes
3 answers
163 views

PTIJ: Protection against sukkah being attacked by an eagle? [closed]

In Mishna Sukkah 1:3 ...פֵּרַס עָלֶיהָ סָדִין מִפְּנֵי הַחַמָּה, אוֹ תַּחְתֶּיהָ מִפְּנֵי הַנֶּשֶׁר If one spread a sheet over the roofing as protection for those sitting in the sukka due to the sun, ...
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2 votes
1 answer
115 views

PTIJ: 50% of laser light on the floor of a Sukkah [closed]

From the Gemara of Sukkah, it was argued that if the light at the bottom of the Sukkah is 50% light, 50% dark, then the Schach must be Kosher, since light expands as it travels from the top to the ...
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3 votes
2 answers
680 views

PTIJ: Donuts on Chanukah with one's car [closed]

Can one fulfill the Chiyuv to have donuts on Chanukah with one's car, by making donuts? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
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4 votes
2 answers
160 views

PTIJ: May a cow bring a korban shelamim bezman hazeh? [closed]

In Shemos 24:5 we find וישלח, את-נערי בני ישראל, ויעלו, עולות; ויזבחו זבחים שלמים, ליהוה--פרים And he sent the youth of Israel, and they offered Olot; and the cows slaughtered shelamim sacrifices to ...
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0 votes
1 answer
132 views

PTIJ : Why did Obi-Wan Kenobi think Jedi of HaForce strengthen after מָוֶת? [closed]

PTIJ: Why did Obi-Wan Kenobi think Jedi of HaForce strengthen after מָוֶת? “If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.” Similar to אֱלִישָׁ֔ע Elisha in 2 Kings ...
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  • 1,157
1 vote
2 answers
140 views

PTIJ: Why Is Odin Considered Sonless? [closed]

When Zelophead's daughter's demand inheritance on their father's behalf, they state: ...לָמָּה יִגָּרַע שֵׁם-אָבִינוּ מִתּוֹךְ מִשְׁפַּחְתּוֹ, כִּי אֵין לוֹ בֵּן. Why is our father's name Yggr ...
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7 votes
3 answers
845 views

PTIJ: Using electricity on Shabbos heter [closed]

There is a common stance that one may not "use" (whatever that means) electricity on Shabbos, but it seems that the talmud allows for a heter, a permissible case. Apparently, if one wants to ...
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6 votes
5 answers
1k views

PTIJ: May one become a non-serpentine animagus? [closed]

As is well-known to all who have read Hilchot Potter, Vol. 1-7, there are certain wizards who have managed to become animagi (singular: animagus), i.e., able to transform into animals (one animal per ...
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1 vote
6 answers
657 views

PTIJ: Who is Rue? [closed]

וְהָיָה לָכֶם לְצִיצִת וּרְאִיתֶם אֹתוֹ וּזְכַרְתֶּם אֶת כָּל מִצְוֹת יְהֹוָה וַעֲשִׂיתֶם אֹתָם וְלֹא תָתֻרוּ אַחֲרֵי לְבַבְכֶם וְאַחֲרֵי עֵינֵיכֶם אֲשֶׁר אַתֶּם זֹנִים אַחֲרֵיהֶם It clearly says ...
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5 votes
1 answer
199 views

PTIJ: Can a Torah scroll reveal "Jewish" national treasures? [closed]

I was watching the movie “National Treasure” and thought how can I apply the lessons of this movie to Judaism. In the movie, Ben Gates (Nicolas Cage) decides to steal the Declaration of Independence. ...
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  • 1,057
2 votes
3 answers
170 views

PTIJ: All Sukkahs that are Kosher are also Passul? [closed]

If a Sukkah needs פסולת (raw organic material that can't be Mekabel Tumah and is detached from the ground) for the Schach to be Kosher, then doesn't every Kosher Sukkah have Passul-ness to it? Which ...
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  • 3,335
5 votes
4 answers
1k views

PTIJ: Oldest Game in the World [closed]

What is the oldest game in the world? Is it hide and seek, when Adam hid from Hashem in Gan Eden? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim ...
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  • 3,335
22 votes
2 answers
2k views

PTIJ: Oscar the Grouch getting Tzara'at on his garbage can [closed]

If Oscar the Grouch gets Tzara'at on his garbage can, is that considered Tzara'at of clothing or Tzara'at of one's home? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely ...
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  • 3,335
2 votes
1 answer
131 views

PTIJ: Erasing Amalek's name written on Andy's toys' shoes [closed]

Was Andy from Amalek? Would that explain why Buzz Lightyear and Woody's shoe his name is written on it (since there's an Inyan to write Amalak's name on the bottom of your shoe to erase their memory)? ...
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  • 3,335
3 votes
5 answers
208 views

PTIJ: Why would I need to listen to informant of my Father? [closed]

שמע בני מוסר אביך- Heed O Son to the informant of your father (Proverbs 1:8) Firstly, we put a Moiser (informant) to death. Secondly its Lashon Harah to listen to negative things about your father Why ...
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5 votes
2 answers
212 views

PTIJ: Inviting Moshiach to your son's Bris [closed]

Based on the reasons behind not inviting people to a Bris (Why do we avoid inviting people to a b'rit milah specifically, and not other celebrations too?) why don't we just invite Moshiach Ben ...
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  • 3,335
1 vote
1 answer
241 views

PTIJ: Superman can carry the Batmobile on Shabbat? [closed]

On Shabbat, Superman saw the Batmobile was stuck in a narrow alley (more than 3-handbreaths wide) between the Daily Planet and Wayne Enterprises. In order to carry the Batmobile out of the alley, ...
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  • 1,157
6 votes
3 answers
284 views

PTIJ: Mrs Potato Head in the Mikvah [closed]

Can Mrs Potato Head leave her limbs and face intact when immersing into a Mikvah (to convert or become Tahor), or does her accessories, limbs, and face count as a Chatzitza, and need to be removed? ...
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  • 3,335
4 votes
3 answers
415 views

PTIJ: Bal Tashchis and the Recycle Bin [closed]

Is it considered Bal Tashchis to delete files/folders needlessly on a computer, or to send data to /dev/null in Linux? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely ...
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  • 3,335
2 votes
0 answers
82 views

PTIJ: Shatnez issues with FLAC audio files [closed]

Being that there is a prohibition of Sha'atnez when wearing wool and linen (or flax) may one listen to FLACs (FLAC audio files) while wearing a wool sweater? This question is Purim Torah and is not ...
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  • 3,335
4 votes
2 answers
229 views

PTIJ: Tattooing a self-aware Sefer Torah [closed]

If a Sefer Torah became self-aware and conscious, would such a Sefer Torah be Halachically allowed to get ink tattooed into it when needed (such as correcting cracked letters)? Or would this ...
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  • 3,335
5 votes
1 answer
105 views

PTIJ: Is the genie's lamp considered Metaltilin (movable objects) or Karka (land)? [closed]

The genie (from Aladdin) lives in a lamp. Assuming the lamp has living quarters, does one need a Chazakah of living there for 3 years to own the lamp (or require a document of sale), or is it ...
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  • 3,335
3 votes
1 answer
145 views

PTIJ: HTML Sukkah [closed]

When is one Yotzei when sitting in a web-based Sukkah (online Sukkah)? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
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  • 3,335
9 votes
5 answers
252 views

PTIJ: Assur for a Kohen to die? [closed]

If a Kohen is prohibited from becoming Tamei, and people become Tamei upon dying, then wouldn't it be prohibited for a Kohen to die? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
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  • 3,335
7 votes
3 answers
451 views

PTIJ: Any findings for how Tefillin work using black-box testing? [closed]

In the software field, Black-Box testing is performed when an engineer is examining a closed system without any knowledge of its inner workings. That being the case, do we have any documentation of ...
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  • 3,335
16 votes
8 answers
3k views

PTIJ: What does Cookie Monster eat during Pesach? [closed]

Cookie Monster loves cookies. So what does a Jewish cookie monster do during Pesach, when cookies are Chametz? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See ...
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