Questions tagged [purim-torah-in-jest]

THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. "Purim Torah" is humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim. Mi Yodeya has a great collection of Purim Torah, under this tag. For our collection of *real* Q&A about Judaism, see our home page: judaism.stackexchange.com.

6
votes
1answer
63 views

PTIJ: in nusach Yodeya, where in the t'filah do we acknowledge the fourth patriarch? [closed]

The first blessing in the Amidah is, of course, avot, where we acknowledge the patriarchs. What is the version of this text in nusach Yodeya? Where do we acknowledge our additional patriarch? Do we ...
11
votes
1answer
650 views

PTIJ: Haman's bad computer [closed]

Esther 9:25 ... ישוב מחשבתו הרעה (Esther requests that Achashverush should) return (Haman's) bad computer. What was bad about his computer? Did it not have enough RAM? Was the hard drive running ...
1
vote
1answer
81 views

PTIJ: Why do Jews eat filtered fish? [closed]

Why do Jews eat filtered fish? I've noticed that they mainly eat it on Friday night, with a small piece of carrot on top. This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely ...
1
vote
1answer
84 views

PTIJ: Why does G-d want to give us The Wizard of Oz? [closed]

The Psalmist (I think its #29) said: ה' עוז לעמו יתן G-d will give us Oz What's the purpose to giving us The Wizard of Oz? I thought we are supposed to kill wizards, no? Is that the whole ...
5
votes
4answers
881 views

PTIJ: Why is Haman obsessed with Bose? [closed]

Bose headphones are great and all, but what's up with Haman's insistence that they should get the Jews' property after his sinister plan was complete? Haman's affinity for the audio systems company ...
6
votes
3answers
91 views

PTIJ: Taanis Esther [closed]

In the Megilas Esther - Esther Hamalka saves the Jews. The day before Purim is known as Taanis Esther. Why would anyone have (Taanis) complaints to her? This question is Purim Torah and is not ...
-1
votes
2answers
87 views

PTIJ: Public toilets laxatives and hypnotics against hashgacha pratit [closed]

Megila 5. 10 וַיִּתְאַפַּק הָמָן, וַיָּבוֹא אֶל-בֵּיתוֹ 6.1. בַּלַּיְלָה הַהוּא, נָדְדָה שְׁנַת הַמֶּלֶךְ Haman was forced to restrain himself from going to the toilet. He managed to do it but ...
0
votes
1answer
67 views

PTIJ: Torah is most important [closed]

The pasuk says והעיר שושן צהלה ושמחה. This was before the war happened yet, so how could they rejoice, they didn't know they were going to win? The answer must be they were confident in the (צהל(ה ...
1
vote
0answers
44 views

PTIJ: Was Mordechai's greeting “priorities” backwards? [closed]

The Megillah says about Mordechai (10:3): דורש טוב לעמו ודובר שלום לכל זרעו He inquires about the good (welfare) of his people and says 'Hello' to his children. Maybe I'm old-fashioned. I ...
1
vote
1answer
95 views

PTIJ: How to refrain from killing Amalekites and still be a good Jew [closed]

We are commanded to destroy the descendants of Amalek. Haman was a descendant of Amalek. On Purim, we must get so drunk we can't tell Haman from Mordechai. Does that mean that, if I don't want to ...
3
votes
2answers
347 views

PTIJ: does fasting on Ta'anis Esther give us reward as if we celebrated 2 Purims? (similar to Yom Kippur) [closed]

The gemara in Berachos 8b teaches us: כל האוכל ושותה בתשיעי מעלה עליו הכתוב כאילו מתענה תשיעי ועשירי One who eats and drinks on the ninth day of Tishrei in preparation for the fast the next ...
5
votes
1answer
92 views

PTIJ: What was Moshe Rabbenu's favorite college sports team? [closed]

Okay it's March Madness, so here goes: In Deut. 8:12, Moshe Rabbenu tells the Jews: פֶּן-תֹּאכַל, וְשָׂבָעְתָּ Consume Penn, and you shall be satisfied. Clearly they weren't rooting for the ...
1
vote
1answer
102 views

PTIJ: Should I worry about AI (Artificial Intelligence) taking over? [closed]

I recently read a most troubling Talmudic passage: זרעו של יוסף אין עין הרע שולטת בהם The evil AI will have dominion over the seed of Joseph I.e. the Jews. I did some searching and found ...
2
votes
1answer
66 views

PTIJ: Foreigners on Shabbos [closed]

As we sing in Friday night Zemiros: להתענג בתענוגים ברבורים ושליו ודגים To rejoice with rejoicers: Barbarians, Slavs, and Dags. Why do we rejoice with these groups specifically? This ...
0
votes
2answers
41 views

PTIJ: Why were people burned for mixing up their Karban Pesach? [closed]

PTIJ: Spontaneous Combustion on Erev Pesach and PTIJ: Setting Sick People on Fire on Yom Kippur have previously addressed questions about people being ignited in Maseches Pesachim. I've got one more ...
2
votes
0answers
57 views

PTIJ: Why is chazzir rye kosher? [closed]

During Purim I notice that kids (and adults, but mainly kids) eat a lot of chazzir rye. To me it looks like junk food rather than bread (usually, when I think of "rye", I think of rye bread), and ...
3
votes
1answer
93 views

PTIJ: What sort of Yid is Mr. Black? [closed]

Here's what we know about Mr. Black, from Dr Seuss's Hop on Pop: He has a frock, black hat, and beard. (image) He comes back from "out of town" with Mr. Brown; implying Mr. Black lives outside of New ...
-2
votes
1answer
95 views

PTIJ: is bacon permitted to eat? [closed]

The Talmud (Chulin 17a) discusses that certain peices of pig meat are permitted: השתא דבר טמא אישתרי להו דכתיב (דברים ו, יא) ובתים מלאים כל טוב ואמר ר' ירמיה בר אבא אמר רב כתלי דחזירי בשר נחירה ...
1
vote
0answers
55 views

PTIJ: What were the Amish doing in Padan Aram? [closed]

In Breishit 31:42, Yaakov reproves Lavan for accusing him of stealing his terafim, among other items. In making his case, Yaakov says: ... את עניי ואת יגיע כפי ראה אלוקים ויוכח אמש G-d saw my ...
1
vote
0answers
52 views

PTIJ: Why would blindness cause ignorance? [closed]

According to the gemara, as explained in the kitzur, 142:6 חַיָב אֱנָשׁ לְבַסּוּמֵי בַּפּוּרְיָא עַד דְּלָא יֵדַע בֵּין אָרוּר הָמָן לְבָרוּךְ מָרְדְּכָי. וְלַפָּחוֹת יִשְׁתֶּה יוֹתֵר מֵהֶרְגֵּלוֹ ...
3
votes
2answers
113 views

PTIJ: Are superheroes obligated to pay for the damage they caused while fighting the bad guy? [closed]

We've all seen superhero movies where said the hero gets into huge fights with the villain and leaves a trail of wreckage along the way. It also can be an ABSURD amount of damage caused. For example, ...
5
votes
2answers
242 views

PTIJ: If Haman would have fallen with no one around to hear him fall, would that still have made a sound? [closed]

Esther 7:8 writes: והמלך שב מגנת הביתן אל־בית משתה היין והמן נפל על־המטה אשר אסתר עליה ויאמר המלך הגם לכבוש את־המלכה עמי בבית הדבר יצא מפי המלך ופני המן חפו When the king returned from the ...
5
votes
3answers
250 views

PTIJ: Where did Achashverosh's years wander off to? [closed]

I was sleeping through Megillas Esther and suddently the Baal Koreh screamed the beginning of Esther 6:1 rousing me from my slumber: בלילה ההוא נדדה שנת המלך ויאמר להביא את־ספר הזכרנות דברי הימים ...
2
votes
2answers
227 views

PTIJ: How can I revive my friend (if I drunkenly murder him)? [closed]

The Talmud in Megillah bring this incident: רבה ורבי זירא עבדו סעודת פורים בהדי הדדי איבסום קם רבה שחטיה לרבי זירא למחר בעי רחמי ואחייה Rabba and Rabbi Zeira prepared a Purim feast with each ...
7
votes
3answers
150 views

PTIJ: Why do we make a Lulav holder? [closed]

The Gemara says: אין עושין מצות חבילות חבילות One does not make mitzvot into bundles. But I've seen lots of people do just that: They put the four species into a bundle. ואם תומר, and if ...
3
votes
3answers
136 views

PTIJ: At the Passover Seder, is one allowed to speak more than once during Maggid? [closed]

I know Purim's right around the corner, but had a question re: Pesach. In the Haggadah, we say during Maggid: "וכל המרבה לספר ביציאת מצרים הרי זה משובח" whoever goes on to speak more about ...
31
votes
9answers
4k views

PTIJ: Which Dr. Seuss books should one obtain? [closed]

The Torah warns us that we should not accumulate too many Dr. Seuss books, as it states in Deuteronomy 17:16 רַק, לֹא-יַרְבֶּה-לּוֹ סוּסִים One should not amass Seusses Being that one should ...
1
vote
4answers
367 views

PTIJ: Why do we blow Shofar on Rosh Hashana and use a Lulav on Sukkos? [closed]

Why do we blow Shofar on Rosh Hashana and shake the Lulav on Sukkos? I would say that a Shofar lasts longer, so it would make sense to use it on a longer holiday, while the Aravos wilt within a day or ...
3
votes
1answer
63 views

PTIJ: Is there Ruach HaKodesh when naming your Mi Yodeya username? [closed]

We know that parents are given a special Ruach HaKodesh when naming their child. Since a Mi Yodeya user is considered a Jewish person, as evidenced by their potentially being obligated in Lo Yilbash, ...
6
votes
2answers
642 views

PTIJ: Do Irish Jews have “the luck of the Irish”? [closed]

Today was St. Patrick's Day, and I started to think about Ireland and the Irish, which led me to start thinking about Irish Jews. Everyone knows about that old Irish luck, but I wonder if Irish Jews ...
4
votes
0answers
79 views

PTIJ: Which Talmudic disputes would make for good political attack ads? [closed]

Inspired by the attack ad to vote against "Humpty Dumpty: Wrong on Wall-Sitting." What would be a good (bad?) attack ad if an issue of Talmudic debate was up to the electorate? Rabbi Eliezer's oven ...
13
votes
2answers
782 views

PTIJ: What is the inyan of the Konami code in Uncle Moishy's song? [closed]

The Konami code, represented as ↑↑↓↓← → ← →BA is clearly referenced in Uncle Moishy's famous song Hashem is Here Hashem is There which asserts that Hashem is "located" in the following places Up, ...
10
votes
1answer
98 views

PTIJ: Travelling on named roads which have a Halachic status [closed]

There are many streets and roads with food and Biblically related names. Would such streets impart Kedushah, Tumah, or other Halachic statuses on the traveler? For example, is it Assur to travel on ...
10
votes
1answer
96 views

PTIJ: Halachic Status of Breadboards on Pesach [closed]

What is the Halachic status of Breadboards on Pesach? Are they considered Matzoh since they are flat, or Chametz since they are breadboards? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be ...
0
votes
2answers
70 views

PTIJ: Is armpit flatulence assur? [closed]

There is a famous mishnah in Sanhedrin (7:7) about a Ba'al Ov [necromancer] בעל אוב זה פתום המדבר משחיו A Ba'al Ov: this is the one who speaks through his armpit As we know, armpit flatulence ...
4
votes
2answers
154 views

PTIJ: May one live in Pennsylvania, Alabama, or Alaska? [closed]

As the famous Gemara (Eruvin 96a et. al.) states: כל מקום שנאמר 'השמר פן ואַל' - אינו אלא בלא תעשה Anywhere that it says Hishamer, Penn, or Al, it is a "do not do." May one live in ...
8
votes
8answers
1k views

PTIJ: Who should I vote for? (21st Knesset Edition) [closed]

It is an obligation to participate in creating the Knesset, as the halacha says (SA OC 150:1): כופים ... זה את זה לבנות ... הכנסת [People] should force one another to build ... the Knesset. ...
1
vote
2answers
50 views

PTIJ: Why was spread created during Erev Shabbat? [closed]

Pirkei Avot 5:6 says: עשרה דברים נבראו בערב שבת ... והשמיר "10 things were created on Erev Shabbat. (among the list is) the schmeer ("spread" - as in "a schmeer of cream cheese on the bagel." Why ...
7
votes
3answers
120 views

PTIJ: Biblical sizes [closed]

The Tanach [Jonah 2:2] says that Jonah was swallowed by a big dog: וַיְמַ֤ן יְהוָה֙ דָּ֣ג גָּד֔וֹל לִבְלֹ֖עַ אֶת־יוֹנָ֑ה and Jonah remained in the belly of the dog for three days and three nights. ...
3
votes
2answers
103 views

PTIJ: The Hulk & the principle of “כל דאלים גבר” (ie “whoever is stronger prevails”) [closed]

When there are two people arguing over an object or piece of land and neither of them has a stronger proof than the other’s, the gemara in Bava Basra 34a teaches us about the principle of: כל ...
3
votes
2answers
118 views

PTIJ: is Mi Yodeya found in the Torah codes? [closed]

From Wikipedia: The Bible code, also known as the Torah code, is a purported set of secret messages encoded within the Hebrew text of the Torah. This hidden code has been described as a method by ...
8
votes
4answers
147 views

PTIJ: Impressive traditional gesture to go with “Shalom” (like the “Wakanda forever” salute) [closed]

Every once in a while, as I go about my business in the secular world, a non-Jewish passerby notices my kippa and approaches, then offers the greeting that is somewhat well-known in popular culture as ...
4
votes
3answers
2k views

PTIJ: Who should pay for Uber rides: the child or the parent? [closed]

There's a big machlokes in shas about ridesharing. Namely, who pays for it: the mother (parent) or the child? Yevamos 78a "עובר ירך אמו" vs "עובר לאו ירך אמו" "Uber should be charged to ...
7
votes
2answers
379 views

PTIJ: Coffee stains on Sefarim (holy books) [closed]

Almost every Sefer in my Beis Midrash has a nice coffee stain all across it. Interestingly, it’s only in public Sefarim that I regularly see this; in private Sefarim, sometimes I see it, sometimes I ...
2
votes
1answer
94 views

PTIJ: Halachic implications of not accepting the cab ride [closed]

Inspired by this question. Is there an obligation to enter the cab that one has called while in Israel? Does it matter whether the driver is a religious Jew or not? Can you reject a Gett, or even a ...
18
votes
3answers
194 views

PTIJ: What are my options if a server rejects a POST or PUT request? [closed]

I'm aware that if a server rejects a GET request, such as in the case of a 414 error for the URI being too long, I can force it to fulfill the GET request by having the server beaten, as the Talmud in ...
2
votes
2answers
78 views

PTIJ: Why do people wear yarmukas publicizing that Rav Nachman was trained? [closed]

Lately, I've been seeing many people wearing yarmulkas that say: נחמן מאומן - (Rav) Nachman, the trained I think we can assume that Nachman was trained to be a rav. Even if he was trained in other ...
2
votes
1answer
48 views

PTIJ: Sleeping for veggies on Chol HaMoed? [closed]

Moed Katan 4a-b: תנו רבנן מדלין לירקות כדי לאוכלן ואם בשביל לייפותן אסור רבינא ורבה תוספאה הוו קא אזלי באורחא חזו לההוא גברא דהוה דלי דוולא בחולא דמועדא אמר ליה רבה תוספאה לרבינא ליתי מר לשמתיה א"ל ...
4
votes
1answer
80 views

PTIJ: cholent bath? [closed]

I was learning Ramba”m Mishnah Torah (Hilchos shabbos perek 2 halchah 2) and I saw a very confusing sentence: “וּמְחִמִּין לוֹ חַמִּין בֵּין לְהַשְׁקוֹתוֹ בֵּין לִרְחִיצַת גּוּפוֹ.”- and they heat ...
3
votes
2answers
113 views

PTIJ: Does a Jewish web site need to have challah taken? [closed]

If a Jewish web site plans on putting a lot of cookies on your computer, does it need to have challah taken from it, before placing the cookies? Is there a minimum number of cookies before challah is ...