Questions tagged [purim-torah-in-jest]

THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. "Purim Torah" is humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim. Mi Yodeya has a great collection of Purim Torah, under this tag. For our collection of *real* Q&A about Judaism, see our home page: judaism.stackexchange.com.

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PTIJ: why can’t Jews be dare-y with meat [closed]

Halacha is that Jews separate meat from being dare-y. Is there a reason for this, especially given the principle of shomer petaim hashem (see psalms 116:6). This question is Purim Torah and is not ...
Kirk's user avatar
  • 4,454
0 votes
1 answer
67 views

PTIJ: may Jews time travel and sin in the past before Yom Kippur [closed]

There is a mitzvah to ask for forgiveness from somebody you’ve wronged on Erev Yom Kippur. Also the Mishnah in Yoma 8:9 states With regard to one who says: I will sin and then I will repent, I will ...
Kirk's user avatar
  • 4,454
1 vote
2 answers
57 views

PTIJ: What did the Yidden do wrong that they deserved that the entire nation should have bad hearing? [closed]

The Megila which we read every Purim starts off with the following Pasuk: "וַיְהִ֖י בִּימֵ֣י אֲחַשְׁוֵר֑וֹשׁ ה֣וּא אֲחַשְׁוֵר֗וֹשׁ הַמֹּלֵךְ֙ מֵהֹ֣דּוּ וְעַד־כּ֔וּשׁ שֶׁ֛בַע וְעֶשְׂרִ֥ים וּמֵאָ֖ה ...
Shalom L'olam's user avatar
0 votes
1 answer
71 views

PTIJ: If I wear a bear head to the megilla reading, must I wear a kippah on top of it? [closed]

At the Megillah reading there were many people dressed joyously for Yom Tov, including a number of people in the guise of various animals. Must a person in the guise of an animal wear a kippah on the ...
arp's user avatar
  • 438
1 vote
1 answer
99 views

PTIJ: How do we know from the Megilla that Haman and Zeresh had a bad marriage? [closed]

"וַיִּתְאַפַּק הָמָן, וַיָּבוֹא אֶל-בֵּיתוֹ; וַיִּשְׁלַח וַיָּבֵא אֶת-אֹהֲבָיו, וְאֶת-זֶרֶשׁ אִשְׁתּוֹ" "Haman refrained himself, and went home; and he sent and fetched his loved ones ...
Avery's user avatar
  • 106
1 vote
1 answer
62 views

PTIJ: Hagalah on a suit from a non-Jew [closed]

Do you have to do Hagalah on a suit that you buy from a non-Jew and if so does dry cleaning count? Please cite sources if possible. This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
Moses Supposes's user avatar
2 votes
3 answers
433 views

PTIJ: How do you prove G-d is The BOSS? [closed]

How can you prove, directly from the Divine Name, that G-d is The BOSS? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
Tudobom's user avatar
  • 87
8 votes
2 answers
135 views

PTIJ: Website hechsherim [closed]

Can anyone explain to me how the concept of hechsherim and mashgichim works for websites? I'm often asked by a website to accept some or all cookies, but most websites don't include a hechsher or ...
Moses Supposes's user avatar
1 vote
1 answer
84 views

PTIJ: Does Chukot Hagoyim and Dina D’malchuta Dina apply on planet of the apes [closed]

Does the usual Halacha of following the secular laws of non-Jews and prohibition against following non-Jewish customs apply on planet of the apes? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended ...
Kirk's user avatar
  • 4,454
0 votes
1 answer
95 views

PTIJ: Was Yitzchak Breslov? [closed]

I've been pondering which type of Jew each of the Avos was and I think I have proof to one of them. Genesis 24:63 states, וַיֵּצֵ֥א יִצְחָ֛ק לָשׂ֥וּחַ בַּשָּׂדֶ֖ה לִפְנ֣וֹת עָ֑רֶב -"Yitzchak went ...
TORAHistheikur's user avatar
3 votes
1 answer
469 views

PTIJ: Why do we glorify Pearl Harbor? [closed]

I don't think that our educational system should include songs which celebrate war. Is there any discussion why we teach children to sing about the attack on Pearl Harbor as if it was a divine ...
rosends's user avatar
  • 38.3k
13 votes
3 answers
1k views

PTIJ: Guide to being a super hero if you are Jewish [closed]

There have been many super heroes in Jewish history. For example, Rivka was actually Batman. See Onkelos on Bereshit 24:23: וַאֲמַר בַּת מָן אַתְּ And he (Eliezer) said "You are Batman" ...
Rabbi Kaii's user avatar
  • 9,910
2 votes
0 answers
65 views

PTIJ: What are some customs and traditions of the Yishletu Chasidim? [closed]

I haven't met very many Yishletuers, and am looking to get some more information. From what I've heard, their name comes from "yesh l'tu", since they go out of their way to make sure they do ...
bio's user avatar
  • 69
4 votes
0 answers
100 views

PTIJ: Can my friend be eaten? [closed]

My Hebrew is far short of what I would like, so I often must rely on translation. In the translation I read: Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; even as the green herb have I given ...
EvilSnack's user avatar
  • 205
12 votes
5 answers
3k views

PTIJ: Why did the chicken cross the road? [closed]

Just wondering if Torah sources have any answer to the world's most timeless and compelling question: why did the chicken cross the road? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
Rabbi Kaii's user avatar
  • 9,910
1 vote
1 answer
182 views

PTIJ: How can we have extra simcha when the trees are brought in if the tree is too big to move? [closed]

The gemara says in Taanit (29a): מִשֶּׁנִּכְנַס אדר מַרְבִּין בְּשִׂמְחָה. When adar comes in, we increase simcha. What is an adar? If we look at other places where the same word is used, we find ...
Moshe Katz's user avatar
4 votes
1 answer
139 views

PTIJ: How are we supposed to ever be bisimcha? [closed]

Dovid HaMelech tells us in Tehillim (100:2) "עבדו את ה' בשמחה", that we should serve Hashem with happiness. Yet the Mishnah in Taanis (4:6) says "מִשֶּׁנִּכְנַס אָב, מְמַעֲטִין ...
Michael's user avatar
  • 403
5 votes
2 answers
757 views

PTIJ: How did the chickens get involved? [closed]

In explaining the various obligations on Purim, the codifiers insist that more than just men are obligated because "af Hen hayu b'oto hanes", even the hens were involved with the same ...
rosends's user avatar
  • 38.3k
5 votes
2 answers
253 views

PTIJ: Why do chasidim say they're Haman before performing mitvos? [closed]

I've noticed a very common phrase in Siddurim that is printed before mitzvos such as kiddush levana, birchas hamazon, etc... "הנני ממוכן ומזמן" which translates as "I am hereby '...
TORAHistheikur's user avatar
9 votes
1 answer
582 views

PTIJ: Biden and the towel [closed]

The Mishnah says [Shabbat 22:5]: אבל עשרה בני אדם מסתפגין באלונטית אחת פניהם ידיהם ורגליהם, ומביאין אותה בידן. However, ten people may use one towel to dry their faces, hands, and feet, and may ...
Maurice Mizrahi's user avatar
2 votes
1 answer
168 views

PTIJ: What’s the Neturei Karta minhag when hearing hamas in Megillah Esther on Purim [closed]

Most Jews when they hear the Megillah Esther being read on Purim spin gragers and go “boo Hamas” when hearing Hamas’ name mentioned. Do Neturei Karta Jews not have this minhag? This question is Purim ...
Kirk's user avatar
  • 4,454
10 votes
3 answers
2k views

PTIJ: What's so special about Cola? [closed]

It says in Bireishis 24:1 Hashem blessed Avraham Bakol. Targum Onkoles tiches Bakol to mean Bicola. With Cola. Why was Cola such a blessing? Also we praise Hashem in Brich Shimeh. אנת הוא שליט על כלא. ...
Shlomy's user avatar
  • 3,538
3 votes
1 answer
106 views

PTIJ: Forfeit your own Olam Haba? [closed]

They say if you embarrass someone, you lose your chelek in Olam Haba. So if you try to go for a high note during leining and have a voice crack and people make fun of you and thus you caused your own ...
Curious Yid's user avatar
  • 2,442
5 votes
5 answers
2k views

PTIJ: Are we allowed to eat talking animals? [closed]

What is the din of eating a talking animal? E.g. Bilaam's donkey, the Nachash (if he hypothetically was still uncursed at the time), Sonic the Hedgehog, etc? Kashrut aside (e.g. a non-Jew, or when no ...
Rabbi Kaii's user avatar
  • 9,910
2 votes
1 answer
131 views

PTIJ: why did only the Rosh write a commentary on Masechet Hashanah [closed]

I am curious why the only person who wrote a commentary on the Talmudic tractate Hashanah is the Rosh, Rabbi Asher ben Yechiel. This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely ...
Kirk's user avatar
  • 4,454
1 vote
0 answers
61 views

PTIJ: The truth about the seder plate [closed]

In Peter David's Star Trek novel Imzadi, the villains are named Betzah, Zeroah, Charoset, Chazeret, Karpas and Maror. What does Chazal tell us about the dark truth concerning the denizens of the seder ...
Maurice Mizrahi's user avatar
5 votes
4 answers
1k views

PTIJ: Why are we fixated on our voices? [closed]

We make sure to ask Hashem for permission before we eat food and most of the blessings relate to the type of food being eaten. But when we eat a food that doesn't fit neatly into any other categories, ...
rosends's user avatar
  • 38.3k
7 votes
5 answers
2k views

PTIJ: Why get drunk specifically in bed? [closed]

In Megilla (7b) the Gemara states: אמר רבא: מחייב איניש לבסומי בפוריא, עד דלא ידע בין ארור המן לברוך מרדכי Rava stated: One must get drunk in bed, to the point where he doesn't distinguish between &...
Lo ani's user avatar
  • 4,538
2 votes
4 answers
1k views

PTIJ: Is there any evidence that Tolkien’s Hobbit and Lord of the Rings are based upon the teachings of the Torah? [closed]

Many of the outer trappings of the popular fantasy novels by J.R.R Tolkien, (John Ronald Reuel Tolkien, that Reuel was one of the alternate names of Yitro, Moshe's father-in-law) The Hobbit and The ...
Yaacov Deane's user avatar
  • 14.9k
8 votes
3 answers
263 views

PTIJ: What is the significance of the mitzvah to multiply in Peru? [closed]

Genesis 1:28: וַיְבָ֣רֶךְ אֹתָם֮ אֱלֹהִים֒ וַיֹּ֨אמֶר לָהֶ֜ם אֱלֹהִ֗ים פְּר֥וּ וּרְב֛וּ וּמִלְא֥וּ אֶת־הָאָ֖רֶץ וְכִבְשֻׁ֑הָ וּרְד֞וּ בִּדְגַ֤ת הַיָּם֙ וּבְע֣וֹף הַשָּׁמַ֔יִם וּבְכָל־חַיָּ֖ה ...
AAM111's user avatar
  • 372
0 votes
1 answer
153 views

PTIJ: What's the correct bracha for that most traditional Jewish food, the bacon cheeseburger? [closed]

What's the correct bracha for a bacon cheeseburger? If it's on a bread roll, it's easy, hamotzi, but what if it's on a delectable mazonot roll? What if it's served in a lettuce wrap? Does it make a ...
arp's user avatar
  • 438
1 vote
1 answer
168 views

PTIJ: can the hunchback of notre dame convert [closed]

The Torah in Deuteronomy 10:16 states וּמַלְתֶּ֕ם אֵ֖ת עׇרְלַ֣ת לְבַבְכֶ֑ם וְעׇ֨רְפְּכֶ֔ם לֹ֥א תַקְשׁ֖וּ עֽוֹד׃ Cut away, therefore, the thickening about your hearts and stiffen your necks no more. ...
Kirk's user avatar
  • 4,454
10 votes
2 answers
1k views

PTIJ: Mourning for batteries [closed]

What are the halachos of mourning over dead batteries? Do we say Baruch Dayan Haemes? Is there a period of shiva during which other batteries from the same pack should be removed from their device ...
Moses Supposes's user avatar
1 vote
5 answers
220 views

PTIJ: How is holding Mount Sinai up a good threat? [closed]

I've had this question for a while, but saw someone else ask it this year: The Talmud [Shabbat 88a] explains that God lifted Sinai above the heads of the Jewish People and coerced them into accepting ...
Arithmomaniac's user avatar
6 votes
2 answers
542 views

PTIJ: why are fast people singled out after Yom Kippur/tisha b’av [closed]

After Yom Kippur and Tisha B’av Jews are supposed to break the fast. But why single out the fast people? Is there something about them that makes them more deserving of punishment than slow or medium ...
Kirk's user avatar
  • 4,454
1 vote
2 answers
157 views

PTIJ: Cookies for Elijah [closed]

The prophet Elijah told the woman: וַיֹּ֨אמֶר אֵלֶ֤יהָ אֵלִיָּ֙הוּ֙ אַל־תִּ֣ירְאִ֔י בֹּ֖אִי עֲשִׂ֣י כִדְבָרֵ֑ךְ אַ֣ךְ עֲשִׂי־לִֽי־מִ֠שָּׁ֠ם עֻגָ֨ה קְטַנָּ֤ה בָרִֽאשֹׁנָה֙ וְהוֹצֵ֣את לִ֔י וְלָ֣ךְ ...
Maurice Mizrahi's user avatar
5 votes
4 answers
495 views

PTIJ: Hadran Composition [closed]

When we complete a masechta, we say the Hadran tefillah/declaration. In recent years, there has been a great deal of interest in the composition of the Hadran as it contains information about the ...
Moses Supposes's user avatar
9 votes
2 answers
1k views

PTIJ: I thought one couldn’t write a half Torah [closed]

The Halacha states that a Sefer Torah isn’t valid if it has missing words, or even letters. Then how come each Shabbat after reading the Torah parsha can we read a “halftorah”? This question is Purim ...
Kirk's user avatar
  • 4,454
4 votes
0 answers
83 views

PTIJ - Understanding Adar II [closed]

I am interested in really getting a handle on Adar II as it begins but I wasn't paying attention to Adar I. Would it be better to wait until the next leap year and really pay attention in Adar I so ...
rosends's user avatar
  • 38.3k
1 vote
1 answer
147 views

PTIJ: Is a hot-dog a sandwich? [closed]

A neder is where one forbids oneself benefit from an object such as food. There's a rule concerning nedarim that says: וּבִנְדָרִים הַלֵּךְ אַחַר לְשׁוֹן בְּנֵי אָדָם. with regard to vows, follow the ...
Shababnik's user avatar
  • 1,862
22 votes
5 answers
3k views

PTIJ: Can a Cohen go into a room with 60 or more sleeping people? [closed]

This is a question I heard in yeshiva: if sleep is a sixtieth of death: שינה אחד מששים למיתה (Brochot 57b) ... then is a Cohen, who may not be in a room with a cadaver, allow into a room where 60+ ...
Rabbi Kaii's user avatar
  • 9,910
4 votes
1 answer
169 views

PTIJ: What did Egyptian vampires drink during the Makkah of Dam? [closed]

What happened if an Egyptian vampire living during the Makkah of Dam siphoned on a neck for blood? Was he punished with water instead? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
Moshe's user avatar
  • 3,639
1 vote
1 answer
106 views

PTIJ: Destroying Avodah Zara - Pandora's box [closed]

Is one Halachically allowed to smash and destroy Pandora's Box which is considered Avodah Zara, or is this considered a Sakana because it will unleash untold horrors to the world? This question is ...
Moshe's user avatar
  • 3,639
1 vote
0 answers
67 views

PTIJ: Erev Rav's Eruv Rav [closed]

Did the Erev Rav have their own Eruv Rav that they used for carrying on Shabbos? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.
Moshe's user avatar
  • 3,639
7 votes
2 answers
135 views

PTIJ: Mrs Pots and Hagala [closed]

If Mrs Pots drinks hot chicken soup, does she need to wait 6 hours before eating dairy? Or does she need to wait 24 hours for the flavors to go stale, and then go through Hagala to be able to eat ...
Moshe's user avatar
  • 3,639
4 votes
1 answer
177 views

PTIJ: Order, Yahoo and the Torah [closed]

The Jerusalem Talmud says: הַקּוֹרֵא לְמַפְרֵעַ לֹא יָצָא. ... אוֹמֵר תַּנָּא נַחְמָן סַבָּא וְהָיוּ כְּדֶרֶךְ הֲוִייָתָן יְהוּ . תַּנִּי אַף בְּהַלֵּל וּבִקְרִיאַת הַמְּגִילָּה כֵּן. He who reads ...
Maurice Mizrahi's user avatar
1 vote
0 answers
236 views

PTIJ: What kind of Jew was Mordechai? [closed]

We are told that Mordechai is ish yemini -- a man of the Right [Esther 2:5]. He insists on a two-day Purim, since he lives in the Diaspora [Esther 9:21]. This implies a tendency towards ...
Maurice Mizrahi's user avatar
10 votes
3 answers
383 views

PTIJ: The technology of ancient Persia [closed]

The book of Esther says: וַיָּ֧סַר הַמֶּ֛לֶךְ אֶת־טַבַּעְתּ֖וֹ ... לְהָמָ֧ן -- The king gave Haman a ring. [Esther 3:10] So they had telephones. Wow! Also: לַיְּהוּדִ֕ים הָֽיְתָ֥ה אוֹרָ֖ה ...
Maurice Mizrahi's user avatar
13 votes
7 answers
3k views

PTIJ Should we be afraid of Artificial Intelligence? [closed]

In Sefer Yirmiyahu, the navi seems to speak out against relying on artificial intelligence. In Yirmiyahu 4:19, the navi says (text by Sefaria, translation by a robot?), מֵעַ֣י ׀ מֵעַ֨י ׀ (אחולה) [...
rosends's user avatar
  • 38.3k
2 votes
2 answers
189 views

PTIJ: Why was Rabbah afraid of getting scorched by the star? [closed]

In Bava Batra 73a it says: "אָמַר רַבָּה אִשְׁתַּעוּ לִי נָחוֹתֵי יַמָּא בֵּין גַּלָּא לְגַלָּא תְּלָת מְאָה פַּרְסֵי וְרוּמָא דְגַלָּא תְּלָת מְאָה פַּרְסֵי זִימְנָא חֲדָא הֲוָה אָזְלִינַן ...
Harel13's user avatar
  • 25.6k

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