Questions tagged [kibbud-av-veim-honoring]

Honor thy Father and Mother

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20
votes
2answers
1k views

May (or should) a convert recite kaddish after his biological parents' deaths?

May (or should) a convert recite kaddish after his biological parents' deaths? I think the answer is that yes, he may do so out of respect for them (even though, in a strict halachic sense, he is no ...
3
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4answers
544 views

Honor parents who want you to violate halacha?

Suppose a parent feels very strongly against a certain aspect of halacha, for whatever reason. What would be an appropriate way to follow halacha while maintaining kibbud av v'eim?
15
votes
2answers
299 views

Esav was coming with 400 men: why then

Why was Esav going toward Yaakov (Gen. 33:1, 32:7) if he had (27:41) planned to wait to kill him until Yitzchak was dead? (Please cite your source, if any.)
10
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3answers
374 views

In regards to Torah and Rabbinical writings, how does “honor your father and mother” work when you've been raised in an abusive household?

This is a question I have always had a hard time getting an answer for and I was hoping somebody would be able to explain it. Honoring your parents is one of the most basic mitzvah in all of Judaism....
3
votes
1answer
409 views

May a person give his father a haircut?

Per Yoreh Deah 241:3 one should not take out a thorn embedded in his father as it may cause a wound. One should also not do a phlebotomy on his father. I have heard people saying that this would ...
-1
votes
4answers
163 views

Why prefer the father to the mother?

"A father can protest that his son not say Kaddish for his mother, because the father's honor comes first (Darchei Moshe 376)." http://dafyomi.co.il/erchin/halachah/er-hl-025.htm "Question (an ...
14
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9answers
684 views

Why Didn't Yosef tell Yaakov He was Still Alive?

What do the meforshim say on why Yosef didn't tell Yaakov he was still alive? Do any critique him?
3
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2answers
381 views

Honoring a parent vs. Shalom Bayit - which has priority?

Let's say one has an emotionally abusive parent. When the parent visits someone, she is emotionally abusive to her son and daughter in law. The abuse is so harsh that it affects Shalom Bayit in the ...
27
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2answers
936 views

How does a son call up his father for an Aliyah?

Suppose a son is the Gabbai in a Shul and needs to call up his father for an aliyah (or his brother who is the son of his father). Does the son say his father's name? Does he say something else ...
6
votes
2answers
430 views

Formal Hebrew honorific for one's mother

Many men, when going up for an aliya, tell the gabbai their name as, e.g. "Reuven ben Rav Yaakov", even if "Yaakov," the father, isn't actually a Rabbi." I believe the reason for this practice is to ...
1
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1answer
79 views

Honor your Father and your Mother?

I heard a Rabbi at the Central Synagogue in New York say that honoring your parents was not just to agree with them but to understand them. How does the halacha deal with parents who are very angry ...
20
votes
1answer
791 views

Is a convert obliged to honor his parents?

Is a convert obliged to honor his parents? I understand that a convert loses all halakhic relationship to his parents upon being "reborn." Therefore, does the mitzvah of kibud av va'eim still apply?
3
votes
2answers
465 views

a girl marrying against her parents wishes

i understand that a man can marry a girl against his parents wishes Shulchan_Arukh, Yoreh De'ah 240 25 הַגָּה: וְכֵן אִם הָאָב מוֹחֶה בַּבֵּן לִשָּׂא אֵיזוֹ אִשָּׁה שֶׁיַּחְפֹּץ בָּהּ הַבֵּן, אֵין ...
7
votes
4answers
263 views

Honoring parental requests that don't benefit the parents

If one's parents ask him to do something that is not beneficial to the parents in any way whatsoever (though not harmful to the parents, the child, or anyone else, either), is he nonetheless obligated ...
7
votes
1answer
150 views

Is there a Mitzvah to love parents?

Is there a special mitzvah to love one's parents? If so, does it require the parent's awareness of that love?
5
votes
1answer
542 views

Why was Yaakov punished for not honoring his parents?

Bereshit 37:34 (translation by machon-mamre): וַיִּקְרַע יַעֲקֹב שִׂמְלֹתָיו, וַיָּשֶׂם שַׂק בְּמָתְנָיו; וַיִּתְאַבֵּל עַל-בְּנוֹ, יָמִים רַבִּים And Jacob rent his garments, and put ...
4
votes
1answer
174 views

Should an adoptee mourn his Jewish biological parents?

I was adopted at birth from a Jewish biological mother into a Jewish adoptive family. Should I observe mourning for my birth mother when she dies, and otherwise honor her as a parent? Thank you.
4
votes
1answer
264 views

Can an adopted child call birth parents by first name?

Consider someone adopted by Jewish parents, whom he grew up calling 'mom' and 'dad'. After he reaches adulthood, he meets his biological parents. Can he call them by their first names, if 'mom' and '...
3
votes
2answers
154 views

Two Yahrtzeits One for Mother one for Father who comes First

All other things being equal Halachically, if you have two people with Yahrtzeits one for a mother and one for a father, who has priority with regards to getting an Aliyah (and/or davening for the ...
3
votes
2answers
198 views

The 5th Commandment - Who should be financially supported first - children or parents?

During a recent Pirkei Avot shi'ur in my synagogue, our rabbi discussed two concepts. Jewish Virtual Library citing of Talmud, Tractate Kiddushin 31B Our Rabbis taught: What is "revere" and what ...
2
votes
1answer
248 views

Saying Kaddish Yatom with Permission from Living Parents

If both of my parents are living and they give me a reshut to say kaddish yatom if there is no avel, however the rav wishes that I not say it due to possible issues of marit ayin, who do I follow? ...
16
votes
1answer
291 views

Kibud Av v'Ach?

As I understand it there is an obligation (See Shulchan Aruch Yoreh Deah 240:22) to honor an older brother similar to that of honoring one's father. Since the obligation to honor one's father can have ...
6
votes
2answers
174 views

What is the obligation of respecting parents

Is respecting parents doing what they want (hint) or doing what they command (ask for) Does a son have an obligation to find/figure out what the father wants him to do? Or can he just simply do what ...
4
votes
2answers
111 views

Can someone stop being supported by his father without his father's permission?

From the shulchan aruch (yora deya 240.5 end) אֲבָל חַיָּב לְכַבְּדוֹ בְּגוּפוֹ, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁמִּתּוֹךְ כָּךְ בָּטֵל מִמְּלַאכְתּוֹ, וְיִצְטָרֵךְ לְחַזֵּר עַל הַפְּתָחִים. וְדַוְקָא דְּאִית ...
9
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4answers
350 views

No Bracha on Kibud Av Va'eim?

Why do we not make a Bracha (e.g. every morning) on the mitzvah of honoring one's parents?
7
votes
2answers
237 views

Parents oppose a chumra

We know that if a parent wants his/her child to violate halacha, the law of Kibbud Av V'Eim does not apply. But what if the parent wants the child to not accept a chumra that the child feels very ...
5
votes
1answer
159 views

Referring to parent in third person

I have seen some homes where the children refer to the parent in third person as a sign of respect (Would Abba like to...). I'm curious to know if this practice is brought down in any sefer and if in ...
8
votes
2answers
254 views

“There they buried Yitzchak” — not “my father”?

"What is awe" of a parent? asks Shulchan Aruch Yore Dea 240:2. It includes, SA answers, that one shall not call [his parent] by [the latter's] name, neither during [the parent]'s life, nor in his ...
7
votes
1answer
247 views

Can a teen threaten or attack one parent, who is beating or is about to beat the other?

This is relevant in many dysfunctional Jewish homes. Suppose one parent is beating or about to beat the other, and the child has an opportunity to intervene by threatening violence to the abusive ...
5
votes
1answer
117 views

Is a convert's biological son obligated in "kibud av' (honoring his father)?

This is the reverse of this question, in a sense. Suppose that a Gentile intermarries and he has a son who is Jewish. Later, the Gentile converts. Is the biological son ever halachically obligated to ...
4
votes
2answers
1k views

Can a surgeon operate on his father

Suppose I am a surgeon, and I am renowned for doing a certain type of operation. If my father is in need of that operation, is there a heter for me to operate on him or is there still the prohibition ...
3
votes
0answers
70 views

Common denominator of the Mitzvot whose reward is “lengthened days?”

To my knowledge, there are 3 mitzvot in the Torah that explicitly state that the reward is lengthened days (long life): 1) Honoring one's parents (Exodus 20:12) כַּבֵּ֥ד אֶת־אָבִ֖יךָ וְאֶת־...
3
votes
0answers
103 views

Honoring a wicked father who has repented - How is he still considered wicked?

The Shulhan 'Aruch (Y"D 240:18) writes that one is obligated to honor his father even if the father is wicked (actually, it says that a Mamzer is obligated, but I believe that the implication is that ...
3
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0answers
42 views

Why does Rashi interpret Chizkiya’s dragging Achaz’s bones differently in different locations?

The Braisa says (Pesachim 56a, quoted as Mishnah 4:8): תנו רבנן ששה דברים עשה חזקיה המלך על שלשה הודו לו ועל שלשה לא הודו לו גירר עצמות אביו על מטה של חבלים והודו לו [...] The Rabbis taught: ...
3
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1answer
257 views

Source for story about R' Yishmael ben Elisha's mother?

This article tells us the following story about R' Yishmael ben Elisha and his mother: Rabbi Ishmael's mother was a very pious woman, and she worshipped her son. But one day she astonished the ...
2
votes
3answers
145 views

Kabed et Avicha v'et imecha vs Being one of the first ten for a minyan

We know that the first ten people who make up a minyan get schar for every person who attends that minyan. So what happens if a person and their father come to shul and see that there are 9 people. ...
2
votes
1answer
61 views

Is there a mitzvah to honor the bechor?

I have heard that the mitzvah to honor ones parents includes a commandment to honor one's oldest brother. Is this really the case?
2
votes
2answers
215 views

Off the Derech Parent [closed]

In what instances to kibbud av v'em apply to a parent who has become less religious? For example, of the following points, which battles are worth fighting? Kashrut Shabbat Chaggim tzniut As always,...
2
votes
1answer
57 views

Do I need to honor a grandparent?

Do I get reward (or am commanded, presumably) for honoring a grandparent? Is there some direct opinion like that out there in the Talmud ?
2
votes
3answers
62 views

Does Mechilah invalidate Kibud Av?

Following the question: "no-bracha-on-kibud-av-vaeim", some tried to say that the Sages did not set a Berocho for this Mitzvah as the father can be Mochel and there's no Mitzvah in such a case. ...
1
vote
2answers
720 views

Is there a condition under which a child can be exempt from honoring his father?

This is a serious question seeking sources that discuss the topic. I speculate that a father that regrets his son being born, does not support him, does not teach him Torah or Mitzvos etc., is ...
1
vote
2answers
102 views

Are there any examples of mother having priority over father?

Are there any cases in which mother takes precedence over father?
1
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0answers
23 views

The meaning of “האב שמחל על כבדו כבדו מחול”?

This is a follow-up question to "does-mechilah-invalidate-kibud-av". The Gemmorah in Kiddushin 32 states: "א"ר יצחק בר שילא א"ר מתנה אמר רב חסדא האב שמחל על כבודו כבודו מחול" Translating מחילה ...
0
votes
0answers
47 views

Reason for Yaakov's [lack of] Kibud Av while in Haran

The Gemmorah (Megilla 17a) mentions that Yaakov was punished for not honoring his parents for 22 years in Haran (but not for the 14 years at Ever's Yeshivah). His punishment was that his son Yossef ...