Isn't it what Cheder Yichud is for, to fulfill the נישואין, the consummation?

We all know that Halachically it is not required, as the seclusion alone is sufficient, but as we tend to ensure that the couple is married לכל השיטות in the soundest way, we should at least offer this option, vital for ensuring she's נשואה not only מקודשת.

Here's another way of thinking about it: imagine the Halacha required a bed in the ChY - would it be strange and impossible to explain?

What Poskim speak of removing a bed from Cheder Yichud and why don't we מחמירים to at least offer to consummate the marriage right one the beginning?

  • It does generally – kouty Nov 21 '18 at 16:58
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    @kouty Emes? - I must have booked the wrong catering hall, then. I've never seen this. One reason, I believe, why they don't have one. Who will be making up the bed, afterwards? Catering halls don't exactly have maids. – DanF Nov 21 '18 at 18:17
  • Emes. In Israel. – kouty Nov 21 '18 at 19:46
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    Why is this being voted off-topic as not related to Judaism? He’s asking about a well-established custom in Jewry. Why is it being downvoted? If someone’s unfamiliar with the topic, they ask - we shouldn’t bash them for it. – DonielF Nov 21 '18 at 21:34
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    Is there any שיטה that would require a bed? If not, then having no bed is לכל השיטות already. – Double AA Nov 22 '18 at 13:04

The Chadar Yichud or Yichud Room does not require a bed, nor does the couple require the consummation of the marriage at that time. All that is required is that the couple remain alone for a sufficient time to be considered yichud. This shows that they are no longer prohibited from being alone together since they are now married.

The Jewish Wedding Ceremony - ChederYichus

Now that the couple are married they are accompanied by dancing guests to the cheder yichud, "the room of privacy." They may now be alone in a closed room together, an intimacy reserved only for a married couple. In fact, according to many Jewish legal authorities, the very fact that they are alone together in a locked room, is a requirement of the legal act of marriage, and hence their entry into the room must be observed by the two witnesses of the marriage.

Yichud Room


Jewish marriage is comprised of two stages, kiddushin (betrothal) and nisu'in (marriage). There are certain halachic authorities who maintain that the final stage of nisu'in is not finalized until the groom takes his bride to a secluded area where they spend some personal time together. Jewish law forbids a man and woman who are not married to each other from being secluded together. Thus entering the yichud room together is an act which symbolized their newly married state.

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  • I clarified the question, as it's well known that the beef is not required, but I intended to ask why is not even optional. I works like you to review your answer. – Al Berko Nov 22 '18 at 7:34
  • @AlBerko If she is not a besula then consumation is nesessery see halacha 8 here chabad.org/4050938/#footnoteRef43a4050938 – hazoriz Nov 22 '18 at 11:20
  • @AlBerko in the time of the talmud (and by sifardim even today) it did and the if a besula, the first time they have helpers to check that no cheating is happening regaring the dam bessulin sefaria.org/Ketubot.12a.10 – hazoriz Nov 22 '18 at 11:42

What Poskim speak of removing a bed from Cheder Yishud?

No Poskim speak of removing (?) a bed from a Cheder Yichud, because there is absolutely zero halachic need to have a bed in there in first place.

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    This just pushes the question. Why not? To quote the OP, “isn’t it what Cheder Yichud is for?” – DonielF Nov 21 '18 at 21:34
  • I understand, therefore I edited the question to reflect the necessity in my view. – Al Berko Nov 22 '18 at 7:32

Every wedding hall I know has space to accommodate a bed in the yichud room (Its not a phone booth.).

Most people are just not interested in bringing one in. People usually realize that after the party they get to go home to a new apartment where no one knows they are there and no one is knocking on the door to take your picture. Things can be enjoyed in appropriate order and things can wait for the best relaxed moment available.

As the OP already states, consummation in the yichud room is not required. I do not think there are Poskim who ask that a bed should be there.

Why shouldn't we be "machmir"??

1) There is no reason to be. It doesn't achieve a better Halachic situation.

2) Even if you do wish to press that it would be somehow "better" Halachically. The fact is that "derech eretz kadmah la'Torah"

Since decorum, relaxation, the feelings of the couple to wish to be normal and let the evening flow in an appropriate manner etc. is part of the normal and good "way of the world", then such constitutes "derech eretz". This goal or perception of normal behavior trumps the pursuit of "what if chumrah".

BTW, anyone could bring the bed in. There is no law against it. Take a look... there are no takers. But if you want to throw a wedding with such a setup, who is stopping you?

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  • Thanks for trying. Actually, the answer looks more like justifying the current state, than explaining the phenomena. We all know what it is, but it seems counterintuitive to remove the main reason for the room. THe "normal" behavior is to "use the room as designed" to fulfill the full and final נשואין. – Al Berko Nov 22 '18 at 13:00
  • I added : imagine the Halacha required a bed in the ChY - would it be strange and impossible to explain? – Al Berko Nov 22 '18 at 13:03
  • @AlBerko I think you missed the point. this doesn't need justification. No one is using the room in a way that is different from what it should really be. Its for privacy. The choice to use it for more than that, is simply a choice. It always has been. happens to be, there is very little reason to choose to add the bed. The explanation is simple: Derech Eretz considerations choose to ignore the bed. – David Kenner Nov 22 '18 at 13:06
  • @AlBerko It wouldn't be strange and impossible to explain...AND? – David Kenner Nov 22 '18 at 13:10
  • "from what it should really be" what do you mean - as you know what's the custom is you derive that that's the "should be" but you fail to explain it a-priori. Please elaborate on Derech Eretz - where does it come from and what it means here? – Al Berko Nov 22 '18 at 13:47

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