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My friend is embarrassed about exposing his body when going to the mikvah for nocturnal emission. How should I comfort him as a friend and tell it's importance? Is there any solution for his problem?

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  • 2
    Welcome to MiYodeya Ezra. Great to have you learn with us!
    – mbloch
    Nov 13 '18 at 4:35
  • Is this on topic?
    – Dr. Shmuel
    Nov 13 '18 at 15:49
  • See Shabbos 41a
    – yO_
    Nov 15 '18 at 18:53
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  1. Find a distant Mikveh where nobody knows him and different hours

  2. Find a real frum Mikveh - Haredi guys don't care at all

  3. re-Consider the importance of going to Mikveh - it's not a necessity, not a Mitzvah, he might want to suspend this practice until he works those psychological problems out.

  4. Some say pouring enough water in the shower can suffice.

  5. Consult a serious Rabbi.

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  • I know I have a lot to learn. Can you give me rabbinical links to at least two of your answers "importance of going to Mikveh - it's not a necessity, not a Mitzvah" - I always thought it was a Mitzvah. And "Some say pouring enough water in the shower can suffice" - this is new to me, that this can act as a Mikveh. Thanks in advance for your enlightening me.
    – ninamag
    Aug 22 at 9:37
  • @nina this question (and all the answers to it) refer to men using a mikvah, which is not a commandment. Women's use of a mikvah is a very different matter
    – Josh K
    Aug 22 at 20:28
  • @JoshK so, mikveh is not a command for men, but a command for women?
    – ninamag
    Aug 22 at 21:07
  • Correct, @Nina. See Danny Schoeman's answer below
    – Josh K
    Aug 22 at 21:49
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Go the ocean, which is as kosher a mikvah as they come, wearing a loose-fitting garment

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  • where in the rabbinical writings does it way that "wearing a loose-fitting garment" is kosher to wear while immersing in a mikvah?
    – ninamag
    Aug 22 at 9:38
  • These sources explain the concept Michaber Y.D. 198:46; Rambam Mikvaos 1:7; Rosh Mikvaos 28; Rav Beitza 18a “A woman may connivingly immerse with her clothing”; Shach 198:56; Raavan Niddah 327 p. 138a; Sefer Hachinuch Mitzvah 175; Beri Heiytiv of Maharit 198:31; Minchas Yitzchak 4:35; Igros Moshe E.H. 4:14; 4:23-3; O.C. 1:54; Y.D. 4:17; Implication of Rebbe in Igros Kodesh 18:482 in a Limud Zechus of Ben Nidda
    – Josh K
    Aug 22 at 20:24
  • Source for these sources: shulchanaruchharav.com/halacha/…
    – Josh K
    Aug 22 at 20:27
  • “A woman may connivingly immerse with her clothing”. To connive means to conspire. What does this mean? Is not wearing clothing during mikveh a command also for women?
    – ninamag
    Aug 24 at 4:51
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You ask:
How should I comfort him as a friend and tell it's importance?

Answer:
It's not important.

You ask:
Is there any solution for his problem?

Answer:
He doesn't have to go to the Mikveh after a nocturnal emission.

Men have no obligation to go to Mikve after nocturnal emissions.

Sources:
Ezra the Scribe instituted this concept and it has subsequently been abandoned, as is clearly documented in Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim, Siman 88, which is titled A Ba'al Keri is premitted to say Shema:

בעל קרי מותר בק"ש. ובו ס"א:‏

כל הטמאים קורין בתורה וקורין ק"ש ומתפללין חוץ מבעל קרי שהוציאו עזרא מכלל הטמאים ואסרו בין בד"ת בין בק"ש ובתפלה עד שיטבול כדי שלא יהיו ת"ח מצויין אצל נשותיהן כתרנגולין ואחר כך בטלו אותה תקנה והעמידו הדבר על הדין שאף בעל קרי מותר בד"ת ובק"ש ובתפלה בלא טבילה ובלא רחיצה דתשעה קבין וכן פשט המנהג:‏

As translated by Sefaria:

All those who are impure read from the Torah, and read the Shema, and pray - except for the Baal Keri [he who has an emission] who was removed by Ezra from the rest of the impure people, and he [Ezra] prohibited him [the Baal Keri] from reading the Torah, reading the Shema, and from prayer until they immersed, so that scholars would not be with their wives like roosters. And afterwards they canceled this enactment, and returned it to the original law, that even the Baal Keri is permitted in Torah, reading the Shema, and prayer without immersion and without washing with nine Kabs of water, and such is the custom.

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  • Maybe his nocturnal emission coincides with erev X where there is a minhag to go, and días problem is still extant
    – Dr. Shmuel
    Nov 13 '18 at 13:16
  • @Dr.Shmuel - maybe, but the OP was rather specific and didn't ask about Erev X - but as the Remo says in 606:3, he can shower instead: וְאֵין צָרִיךְ לִטְבֹּל רַק פַּעַם אַחַת, בְּלֹא וִדּוּי, מִשּׁוּם קֶרִי; וְהוּא הַדִּין דְּהַטָּלַת תִּשְׁעָה קַבִּין מַיִם נָמֵי מֵהָנֵי Nov 13 '18 at 13:21
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Most men's mikva'ot are open (almost) 24 hours. This has the advantage of being able to use the mikvah during "off hours" when no one else goes.

As an example, a shul in my neighborhood has a small mikveh in its basement. I found that going on a weekday at the time that people in the shul daven's Shacharit was an ideal private time. I was the only one there. It's not a guarantee but it makes sense that if the mikvah is attended mainly by shul members (in this case, it is), then few people will be attending the mikva during davening time.

Another idea is to call the attendant and ask if they could open the mikvah just for that person, by arranging a mutually agreeable time. It's worth a chance asking.

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