Revenge when the other relies on 'immunity'

Question

Is it permitted to take revenge when the other keeps his negative behavior, relying on "immunity"?

Let us take example to understand well things. Mr T and Mr R are neighbors. Mr R is an evil and hypocritical rasha, and will never ever do a good action to Mr T. Especially, when T asked to borrow something, R always refused (let's say this occurred many many times). But, frequently, Mr R brings his honey fake smile and knocks at T's door to borrow things (let's say he brings them back OK). This is causing chagrin to Mr T to be abused by his enemy, who knows he will keep his disgusting behavior towards him, and relying on the fact his kind neighbor is yere shomaim.

But what to do? If he refuses, does he transgresse issur neqima? Or even if he just became angry and shows the rasha he is not duped, does he transgresse issur netira ?

Seems obvious Tora doesn't ask from us to be naive and abused. But is there clear limits in posqim etc?

Answer 1

That's a great question, showing how little the Halachah deals with עבודת המידות (personal growth). Here's my personal view (backed by my rabbis)

1. Those Mitzvahs you're talking about (נקימה ונטירה) are not the actual behaviors, but the wrongful thoughts. One is commanded to OVERCOME those, just as one is commanded to overcome physical inclinations like lust, gluttony, greediness etc.

2. As for all other Mitzvahs there's no upper limit for עבודת המידות, like saying "OK I was nice 8 times in a row, it's time to be mean!". We're instructed to do it every time we have an opportunity. (unless of course, he cheats and does not really needs it, or aks only to make you mad).

3. Everyone is given different tests in this world: one with a mean wife, other with a mean neighbor, a boss, a mother-in-law etc. We all have our opportunities to improve our personalities in the direction of positive thinking.

4. But cheer up, there's a work-around allow you to be mean yourself. THe point is that all Mitzvos בין אדם לחבירו are applied [in theory] only to one that's qualifies to be your חבירו, namely "a good Jew". But one who behaves like a wicked one is out of the בין אדם לחבירו arrangement. So if you feel really bad you can always claim your neighbor just crossed the line and you're exempt from נקימה or נטירה (but you also lose your bonus points, you know, לפום צערא אגרא).

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Clarification on your "Seems obvious Tora doesn't ask from us to be naive and abused." IT IS NOT. To be naive is a Mitzvah on its own (תמים תהיה עם א"ה), so to say. And the feeling of an abuse is very subjective, one can say it for any בין אדם לחבירו - giving Tzedoko, helping ill or elders etc. So as long as it is an abuse of a Mitzvah it's for your own good - you earn a lot of points in the WTC!

Answer 2

"You shall neither take revenge from nor bear a grudge against the members of your people; you shall love your neighbor as yourself. I am the L-rd." (Vayikra 19:18)

Rashi: "You shall neither take revenge: [For example:] He says to him, “Lend me your sickle,” and he [the latter] replies, “No!” The next day, he [the latter] says to him, “Lend me your ax.” [If] he says to him, “I will not lend it to you, just as you did not lend to me!” this constitutes revenge. And what constitutes “bearing a grudge?” [For example:] he says to him, “Lend me your ax,” and he [the latter] replies, “No!” Then the next day, he [the latter] says to him, “Lend me your sickle.” [Now, if] he says to him, “Here it is for you; I am not like you, who did not lend me!” this constitutes “bearing a grudge,” for he keeps the hatred in his heart, even though he does not take revenge. — [Torath Kohanim 19:44; Yoma 23a]"

It should be noted that the mitzvah is: not to avoid the lending because you want to express a grudge or take such revenge.

If you have other practical reasons not to lend to this fellow, then that's ok.