In my limited experiences in Baltimore and Lakewood, it seems hosts often ask guests if they would like to "make their own kiddush" with a separate cup of wine. Is there a reason why guests wouldn't want to be yotzei with Kiddush made by the host?

  • 1
    Reciting the kiddush at the Shabbos table is an honor. We tend to give guests honor, no? Guests in shul usually receive aliyos, etc.
    – ezra
    Oct 4, 2018 at 3:35
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    It's a chassidish minhag for one to make their own kiddush. The host doesn't want to be presumptuous that their guest doesn't have this minhag. Also I know Baalei Teshuvah who took on that minhag even though they aren't externally chassidish. Could explain the Baltimore thing, as many BTs like to settle there.
    – robev
    Oct 4, 2018 at 3:44
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    I always thought it was because you want to make people comfortable, in case they don't want to rely on the kavana of the host acquitting them
    – mbloch
    Oct 4, 2018 at 4:40
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    @Ezra That would apply here if the host asked the guest to make kiddush for everyone there. In the OP's case the guest is offered to make his own, in addition to the kiddush the host will be making.
    – user6591
    Oct 4, 2018 at 11:18
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    @DoubleAA I'm sad that this has been your experience
    – ezra
    Oct 4, 2018 at 14:12

4 Answers 4


The reason many prefer to make their own Kiddush rather than be yotzei from the host is because of the dictum מצוה בו יותר מבשלוחו - it is preferable to perform a Mitzvah personally [based on Kiddushin 41]. (Pri Megadim, MZ 207)

Others disagree, and claim that the above principle doesn't apply, because hearing Kiddush is better than regular שליחות, because שומע כעונה - it is considered as though he said it himself. (Tosefes Shabbos 273.10)

Many prefer to participate in the Kiddush of the host, because ברוב עם הדרת מלך - it is preferable to have more people participating in the Mitzvah than for each to perform it privately. (See Mishne Berura, 213.3)

  • judaism.stackexchange.com/q/13664/759 Others may be trying to get towards 100 blessings if you hold Shomea Keoneh doesn't get you to 100 (which could explain why only males tend to do this, if you assume women aren't obligated in 100 blessings daily). Others could have a policy of doing so so as not to embarrass the people they don't trust to be Motzi them by only doing so at their houses.
    – Double AA
    Oct 25, 2018 at 21:31
  • @DoubleAA - I think the accepted psak is that Shomea Keoneh does work for Meah Brochos. I think it is only the Tehila Ledovid who says that it doesn't.
    – chortkov2
    Oct 25, 2018 at 21:42
  • just saying there are other possibilities out there. And not everything accepted by you is accepted by others revach.net/ask/article.php?id=1534&style=send
    – Double AA
    Oct 25, 2018 at 21:50
  • Perhaps relevant: there are times when some have the custom is to make one's own kiddush, such as at the Seder (to make blessings on each cup) and Simchas Torah (to make shehechiyahu personally on the Torah). Oct 25, 2018 at 22:11
  • If Mitzva Bo Yoser mibishlucho surely all the men have already said Vayechulu Kiddush in Maariv, and why don't the women say kiddush?
    – user15464
    Oct 25, 2018 at 22:20

I can't speak for why most people who offer do so, or for why most people who accept accept, but I have a friend who both offers guests and accepts when offered as a guest because he has a short attention span, and doesn't want to rely on himself to pay attention to someone else for the entire kiddush. If he does it himself, he'll be better off. Lest a guest have a similarly short attention span, he offers guests. (I don't know if he offers or accepts Shabbos day kiddush, which one only needs to pay attention to about 4 seconds of, but maybe once you space out during the pesukim it's hard to keep track of when to space back in.)


Shulchan Aruch 201,4

צריך לחזור שיתנו לו כוס של ברכה לברך:
A person should go out of his way to be given his own cup of wine of a Mitzva to make his own blessing.

The source is from Nazir 66b the Shulchan Aruch paskens like Rav and Rav Huna that one should jump to say the Brocho himself rather than let someone else say the Brocho and say Amen:

א"ל רב לחייא בריה חטוף ובריך וכן א"ל רב הונא לרבה בריה חטוף ובריך למימרא דמברך עדיף

The Rosh explains clearly:

חטוף כוס של ברכה וכן כל ברכות Grab the oppurtunity to make your own Brocho (rather then say amein) and this applies to all brochos

So when one has his own Cup of wine he should specifically not be Yotzi with someone else rather make his own brocho,

{And Tosfos Pesachim 106a brings down a Minhag to give each person his own cup to make Kiddush which implies that Each person should ideally have his own cup of wine:

ירושלמי דברכות א"ר אבא בשם רב מסובין אסורין לטעום עד שיטעום המברך ר' יהושע בן לוי אומר שותין אע"פ שלא שתה ולא פליגי מה דא"ר אבהו כשהיו כולן זקוקין לכוס אחד מה דאמר ר' יהושע כשיש לכל אחד כוסו בידו ומשמע נמי אם אין כוסו בידו אפי' שפך מכוס ברכה לכוסות אחרים אין להם לטעום עד שיטעום המברך אבל כשיש לכל אחד כוס א"צ להמתין ולכך הוה גחין ושתי ומכאן יש להוכיח שא"צ לשפוך מכוס של ברכה לשאר כוסות ומיהו היכא דפגימי צריך לשפוך ממנו לשאר כוסות כדי שישתו כולם מכוס שאינו פגום Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi says When each person is holding his own cup of wine while the host is making Kiddush they do not need to wait for the host to drink, rather each person can drink from his own cup straight away unless their cups are deficient in which case one must pour from the hosts cup into their cups (before the host drinks and his cup also becomes Pagum-deficient) Rabbi Aba says if there is only one cup available fro the host, one must not taste the hosts cup of wine before he has tasted it himself after having made Kiddush.

The Pri Megadim misquoted in another answer that Shomea ka-oneh means one should always do Kiddush oneself rather than be a listener. This does not apply with Kiddush on friday night before the meal Since men have said Kiddush in Amida, they have already fulfilled their obligation of making Kiddush themselves. So there absolutely no problem to listen to the baal habayis making Kiddush again.

  • Isn't this saying that when a group does a Mitzva together, you should try and lead? But no one their suggested breaking up the group to allow everyone to lead. אין מלך בלא עם. ברוב עם הדרת מלך.
    – Double AA
    Oct 25, 2018 at 20:05
  • That's not an accurate translation. It just says "one must go out of their way that they will give him the cup to bless on". There's only one cup. It just depends who gets it.
    – Double AA
    Oct 25, 2018 at 20:07
  • Your allowed to look at the edit
    – user15464
    Oct 25, 2018 at 20:09
  • I'll be glad to now that you've included it. I see no indication in Tosfot that everyone had their own cup to say Kiddush. They had their own cup to drink, said Amen, and then drank without waiting for the Mevarekh to drink. It actually proves you wrong: if they all said Kiddush to themselves there'd be no discussion of if you have to wait or not.
    – Double AA
    Oct 25, 2018 at 20:23
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    but surelyonce they have their own cup of wine for the Mitzva if they could make their own brocho it is a bigger Mitzva then saying Amein like The Shulchan Aruch says black and white
    – user15464
    Oct 25, 2018 at 22:10

When different people (groups and families, usually) eat together, there are those who believe that the males (or head male) of each group should say kiddush for their group (or themselves) instead of relying on the host's recitation of kiddush. This is the reason why some hosts will offer their guests the opportunity to make kiddush on their own but then will proceed to make their own kiddush as well.

Source: Shulchan Aruch Harav, Orach Chaim 271:30

  • Shulchan Aruch Harav, Orach Chaim 271:30 doesn't say anything about what you said here. It discusses who drinks first: the one saying Kiddush or the ones listening.
    – Double AA
    Oct 5, 2018 at 21:09
  • There is 271:40 sefaria.org/… Oct 5, 2018 at 21:11
  • I will try to find one. Oct 5, 2018 at 21:12
  • Your link is to the Kaf HaChayim, and also doesn't discuss the issue you wrote about
    – Double AA
    Oct 5, 2018 at 21:13
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    This answer is circular. The question was why would people believe that males of each group should say kiddush for their group. The OP knows this phenomenon exists
    – mbloch
    Oct 7, 2018 at 3:15

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