I had heard that when there is a conflict of requests between father and mother, a son should defer to his father first.

Does this rule apply if the father is dead but the mother is still alive? I.e., prior to his death the father wants his son to practice a certain minhag but the mother doesn't want him to. Does he always have to defer to his father's wishes, or does it vary on the type / category of the situation?

Within all this, I am assuming that the son is required to honor his father even after death. If that's incorrect, please inform me as to why. My premise would be wrong, then.

  • "a son should defer to his father first" only if they are married. If they're divorced the son can pick. – Double AA Sep 23 '18 at 0:08
  • It is correct that one must honor a parent after death (cf. SA Y.D. §240:9). Though if the requirement is biblical or not and what to do when a wish contradicts the wish of a living parent are questions debated in the poskim. Here is a famous resp. of RAE on this matter, where he also deals with the famous resp. of the Noda BeYehudah on this. – Oliver Sep 23 '18 at 2:12

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