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I learned that an old friend who I have been out of touch with for 15 years passed away a couple years ago, at a very young age. They were not Jewish. I am wondering if it is appropriate to visit their gravesite and if doing so carries the same significance as a Jewish grave. (i.e. that the neshama hovers over the gravesite, etc.)

I am looking for some Jewish perspective as to the best way to make peace with the news that I heard. I am feeling bad for having been out of touch all these years and thinking of all of the things that I would say to them today if they were still alive. I guess am wondering if it would be appropriate to go to their gravesite and say those things.

Are there sources that suggest the notion of the dead being "aware" of what we say at their gravesite applies to non-Jews as well as Jews (or any reason to think otherwise)?

I intend to check with a local rabbi if I have any questions on specifics, but I would appreciate any information anyone here has to share on the topic. Thank you.

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    @DanF If they're buried in a church yard things could become problematic. – ezra Jul 10 '18 at 14:24
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    @DanF if it looks like you are going to church, could be an issue. If there are lots of crosses, and you'll be bending over could be an issue etc. – user15253 Jul 10 '18 at 14:28
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    Why would you not show love by visiting the graved of a loved one, no matter what their religion/race/creed/etc? Your heart is still hurting. – Gary Jul 10 '18 at 15:19
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    @ezra - well if some parts of it say to do things for Gentiles "for the sake of maintaining peace"(despite emotions), how much more so for someone you loved like a brother/sister? – Gary Jul 10 '18 at 15:36

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