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When we take the Torah scroll out of the Ark, we say, "Gadlu l'HaShem iti". [Psalms 34:4] This is usually translated as "Declare the greatness of the Lord with me!". This is a mistranslation. The correct translation is: "Declare the greatness of the Lord, E.T.!" It is an exhortation to extraterrestrials to acknowledge the One True God. My question is: What other incontrovertible evidence is there of the existence of extraterrestrials, in the Tanach or any of our Sources?

This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.

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This isn’t the only place ET is mentioned.

Bereishis 14:24 says that Avraham’s good friends Eshkol, Aneir, and Mamrei met him as well:

האנשים אשר הלכו אתי אשכול ענר וממרא

The men who led ET - Eshkol, Aneir, and Mamrei

Then there was that one time in Ibid. 30:33 when ET was kidnapped:

גנוב הוא אתי

He was stolen - ET

In Ibid. 33:15 we learn that he is a leader of a nation - so ET apparently leads an entire colony of aliens. Cool or freaky?

מן העם אשר אתי

From the people which is to ET

This nation is mentioned again in Yehoshua 8:5:

וכל העם אשר אתי

Bereishis 39:8 notes that Yosef met ET personally:

הן אדני לא ידע אתי מה בבית

Behold, my master [Potiphar] does not know [that] ET is in the house.

Now, how would Yosef know this if not that they had met personally?

Yosef met him again later, in 42:33, demanding that his brothers leave him behind:

הניחו אתי

Leave ET

Yehudah later uses this fact in 43:8 as a bargaining chip to get Binyamin to go with them:

שלחה הנער אתי

Send the lad to ET

Binyamin had to go - this was a case of Pidyon Shevuyim!

But alas, they were too late. Believing, as some on here do, that aliens are just another species of animal, Yosef had killed ET to feast on him.

כי אתי יאכלו האנשים בצהרים

For ET will the men eat at noon

Wow. This Purim Torah joke just took a dark turn.

Yehudah was therefore angry with Yosef, and so in his final argument before Yosef reveals himself, he exclaims (44:34):

כי איך אעלה אל אבי והנער איננו אתי

For how can I go up to my father and the lad is not ET?

Yehudah had previously promised that he would return ET safely. Now what is he supposed to do?!

Alas, when Yosef revealed himself, the brothers were so overcome with shock that he was the viceroy of Egypt, regret over having tortured him so, and anxiety over the possibility of revenge that they could not focus on ET’s demise - and, like the butler with Yosef, they did not remember ET, and they forgot him.

According to Shemos 20:20:

לא תעשון אתי

Do not make ET

In context, this means that one should not make a statue in ET’s likeness. Why would anyone do this? To memorialize his brave sacrifice on the brothers’ behalf.

Some time later, Hashem gives Moshe a tour of ET’s home world (33:21):

הנה מקום אתי

Behold, the place of ET

Nevertheless, after all of this, it turns out that ET was okay! For we find in the story of Bilam (Bamidbar 22:13) that Balak says to Bilam:

לכה נא אתי

Please, come, ET

Somehow ET managed to survive being eaten in Yosef’s palace, and now Balak sook him out, hoping that he would want to take revenge on that people.

As we know, Bilam failed, so ultimately ET did not turn against them. Why not? Maybe he didn’t want to take revenge - he’s a peaceful being, after all. Even if he did, only Yosef would be targeted - the others tried to save him. And what could ET do? Yosef is protected from Ayin Hara (BM 84a).

There are many other pesukim that discuss אתי, but I think this joke is getting old by now.

  • This is awesome. – Eliyahu Feb 25 '18 at 19:57

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