2

(to my poor understanding it seems that
usually, mitzovs have specific guidelines,
of what is the minimum needed to be done to fulfill them)

what is the minimum requirement of onah? (biblical and rabbinic (if there is))

  1. is it talking? (if yes, when is the requirement met?) Y"D 184.10
  2. is it the same requirement as by number 3 here?
  3. is it the same as 2. (above) but only if k'darko?
  4. is the ejaculation of the man k'darko?
  5. is it the ejaculation of the woman? (M"A 240.21)
  6. or is it something else? (if yes what is it?)

sources please

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  • 1
    For a start, Your #1 shows that the answer is it depends on circumstances. This can also be seen from your #5. It depends. But it's a good question.
    – Danny Schoemann
    Commented Jan 7, 2018 at 10:20
  • @DannySchoemann thank you, I am more interested in a good answer, (then asking a good question)
    – hazoriz
    Commented Jan 7, 2018 at 10:25
  • 1
    They're related; a good question is more likely to lead to a good answer. Effort spent improving questions is effort well-spent.
    – Monica Cellio
    Commented Jan 7, 2018 at 17:14
  • @MonicaCellio (in yeshiva when I was answered "good question" it meant the person will not answer it, and I should go look for the answer somewhere else)
    – hazoriz
    Commented Jan 7, 2018 at 17:21
  • Oh, I wasn't familiar with that tradition.
    – Monica Cellio
    Commented Jan 7, 2018 at 17:23

2 Answers 2

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3

The correct answer is it depends. See the below, from the gemara and it is codified in Shulchan Aruch

אִם הָיָה נָשׂוּי, לֹא יְהֵא רָגִיל בְּיוֹתֵר עִם אִשְׁתּוֹ, אֶלָּא בָּעוֹנָה הָאֲמוּרָה בַּתּוֹרָה. הַטַּיָּלִים, שֶׁפַּרְנָסָתָן מְצוּיָה לָהֶם וְאֵין פּוֹרְעִין מַס, עוֹנָתָן בְּכָל יוֹם; הַפּוֹעֲלִים שֶׁעוֹשִׂים מְלָאכָה בְּעִיר אַחֶרֶת וְלָנִין בְּכָל לַיְלָה בְּבָתֵּיהֶם, פַּעַם אַחַת בְּשָׁבוּעַ; וְאִם עוֹשִׂים מְלָאכָה בְּעִירָם, פַּעֲמַיִם בְּשָׁבוּעַ; הָחַמָּרִים, אַחַת בְּשָׁבוּעַ; הַגַּמָּלִים, אַחַת לְל' יוֹם; הַסַפָּנִים, אַחַת לְשִׁשָּׁה חֳדָשִׁים; וְעוֹנַת תַּלְמִידֵי חֲכָמִים מִלֵּיל שַׁבָּת לְלֵיל שַׁבָּת; וְכָל אָדָם צָרִיךְ לִפְקֹד אֶת אִשְׁתּוֹ בְּלֵיל טְבִילָתָהּ, וּבְשָׁעָה שֶׁיּוֹצֵא לַדֶּרֶךְ אִם אֵינוֹ הוֹלֵךְ לִדְבַר מִצְוָה, וְכֵן אִם אִשְׁתּוֹ מֵינִיקָה וְהוּא מַכִּיר בָּהּ שֶׁהִיא מְשַׁדַּלְתּוֹ וּמְרַצָּה אוֹתוֹ וּמְקַשֶּׁטֶת עַצְמָהּ לְפָנָיו כְּדֵי שֶׁיִּתֵּן דַּעְתּוֹ עָלֶיהָ, חַיָּב לְפָקְדָהּ. If a person is married, he should not be too frequent in his relations with his wife, but rather according to the schedule specified in the Torah. Idle men, who have means of living and do not pay taxes, their schedule is once every day; hired hands who work in another town and sleep every night at their homes, once a week; and if they work in their own town, twice a week; donkey drivers, once a week; camel drivers, once in thirty days; seamen, once in six months; the schedule of Torah Scholars is from Friday night to Friday night; and every man should visit his wife on the night she immerses, and before he embarks on a journey unless it is for a mitzvah matter. This applies [even] if his wife is nursing a child; and [if] he realizes that she is soliciting him and seeking to please him and preens herself before him so that he would pay attention to her, he must visit her.

See also the Ba'er Hetev that defines Onah, as actual intercourse, not enough just Ha'arah.

בעונה. ואע''ג דהעראה הוי כביאה לכל דבר. למצות קיים עונה לא מקרי ביאה הרדב''ז ח''ד סימן קי''ח: Even though Ha'arah (The touching of the Glans to the Vulva) is considered Biah regarding all laws of the torah, Regarding the Martial Obligation (Onah) it is not sufficient. (the Radbaz part 4, question 118 (1188) 7 lines from the bottom of the first paragraph on the left colomn)

As far as I know, there is no source which requires either the Man to ejaculate or the woman to climax.

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5
  • For me to accept an answer I will need the definition of the minimum "intercourse" according to halacha
    – hazoriz
    Commented Jan 7, 2018 at 17:24
  • What if she isn't satisfied unless she climaxes? Or what if she is satisfied with just Heara?
    – Double AA ♦
    Commented Jan 7, 2018 at 17:50
  • @DoubleAA it seems his answer is that it is for sure not option 2 or 3 of the OP,
    – hazoriz
    Commented Jan 7, 2018 at 18:46
  • 1
    See oitzer hapoiskim on your Ba'er Hetev for a more complete answer. here: i.sstatic.net/DfefX.jpg , i.sstatic.net/xm1LN.jpg and i.sstatic.net/QoMKm.jpg ( @DoubleAA You might also enjoy this). gmar bia might mean as by dam besulin (y"d 193) (which might also be the answer to the OP)
    – hazoriz
    Commented Jan 28, 2018 at 5:03
  • another book discussing this i.sstatic.net/2p3k2.jpg ( @DoubleAA )
    – hazoriz
    Commented Jan 30, 2018 at 14:16
2

It is definitely true that there are many parts of this complicated requirement, and it is beyond my capabilities (and time) right now to provide a full explanation of this Mitzvah. However, I will quote some relevant passages from Rav Eliever Melamed that attempt to explain this Mitzvah. A good read on this topic is his Sefer Simchas Habayis Ubirchaso, where the quotes below are taken from. At that link, I would suggest that one reads at the very least, sections 2 and 3, which discuss the Halachic requirements of Onah, and the definition/meaning of the word Onah.

I am specifically adding this answer to provide sources that show that a man should ejaculate and woman should be brought to climax as part of this Mitzvah, and that they are possibly requirements of it. He states these 2 requirements explicitly below (Section 2 in the above link)

מצוות עונה היא שיתייחד האיש עם אשתו באהבה ושמחה יתירה, ויענג אותה ככל יכולתו עד שתגיע לשיא השמחה, ויתייחד עימה בייחוד גמור עד שזרעו יצא לתוכה באותו מקום שבו היא יכולה להתעבר (להלן ב, א).‏

These components of the Mitzvah do fit in well with his further explanations and Halachos, again, I would forward any interested reader to the above link, where it is explained in more detail. It is possible that not fulfilling one of them does not "invalidate" the Mitzvah, but certainly seems to be a requirement Lechatchila.

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  • 1
    "באותו מקום שבו היא יכולה להתעבר" That's a rather surprising statement which leads me to think this description isn't based just on the technical requirements of Onah. (I don't wan't to get too far here into the topic of ביאה that is not כדרכה broadly speaking, but if this is really a requirement of Onah, then it ought to have been mentioned [more] in the sources on that topic ואכמ״ל)
    – Double AA ♦
    Commented Jan 7, 2018 at 19:50
  • @DoubleAA it is indeed a strange statement, certainly the last part. ואכמ"ל, ויש ליישב בדוחק
    – רבות מחשבות
    Commented Jan 7, 2018 at 19:54
  • +1 (good book) but His source seems to be משהין עצמן על הבטן sefaria.org/Niddah.31b.1 quoted in the M"A and the Tur which does not seem to be part of the minimum requirements, maybe it is a hidur mitzvah (you yourself say "does not "invalidate" the Mitzvah" so by definition it is not the minimum requirements I am looking for)
    – hazoriz
    Commented Jan 7, 2018 at 19:56
  • @DoubleAA However, see section 4 in the link
    – רבות מחשבות
    Commented Jan 7, 2018 at 19:56
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    @hazoriz I thought of that, but I disagree that it would be so obvious that no one would mention it. It doesn't make sense that writers who caution against Biah more often than the Onah wouldn't mention that all the discussion of שלא כדרכה is for times more often than the Onah.
    – Double AA ♦
    Commented Jan 7, 2018 at 21:37

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