There seems to be an untold rule in the chareidi community that you don't tell people you are dating unless there is an explicit reason to tell them. I get why people might not want everyone knowing but this seems almost like a taboo.

Are there any sources that endorse not being open and public, that your dating?

  • 1
    Seems ayin hara related. Along with not saying when one is expecting and the like.
    – user6591
    Commented Dec 5, 2017 at 21:33
  • @user6591 "ayin hara". If you can back a source for that, it would be a sufficient answer, I think. I've never heard this reason.
    – DanF
    Commented Dec 5, 2017 at 21:45
  • I wonder if a similar phenomenon exists in the non-Jewish world (obviously in communities who are generally abstinent before marriage)
    – Double AA
    Commented Dec 5, 2017 at 22:06
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    The sentiment is also based on Yehudah's actions in Chumash. He was not willing to inquire repeatedly into the exact whereabouts of a prostitute in order to pay her "lest he become a laughingstock". Too much public exposure of your personal life (especially sexual) , like pregnancy or a liason with a woman, is considered immodest behavior. It is to be kept quiet. This is considered good character. Commented Dec 6, 2017 at 5:26
  • like one is not supposed to tell people when going to mikva
    – patient
    Commented Dec 6, 2017 at 10:08

1 Answer 1


I recall hearing that the rationale stems from a quote from the Talmud Bavli in Bava Metzia 42a

(Partial Quote)

(Source/Translation from Sefaria.org)

וא"ר יצחק אין הברכה מצוייה אלא בדבר הסמוי מן העין

And Rabbi Yitzḥak says: Blessing is found only in a matter concealed from the eye

It thus seems that the Hashkafa of being more discreet from the public regarding one's dating experience in certain communities stems from this idea in the Talmud Bavli.

Hope this helps!

  • 3
    How is dating without other people knowing an instance of a concealed thing which God can change without anyone noticing? The Gemara is saying that God will multiply your fruits only before you count them. What is the analogy here?
    – Double AA
    Commented Dec 14, 2017 at 18:01
  • @DoubleAA I believe the quote is used out of context. I understand where your question is coming from. This is what I have heard Commented Dec 14, 2017 at 19:42
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    What does that mean used out of context? That it's just a mnemonic? Then how does it answer the question?
    – Double AA
    Commented Dec 14, 2017 at 19:47
  • Let us continue this discussion in chat. Commented Dec 14, 2017 at 20:04

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