Does providing the person you are supposed to honor, such as one's father and Rebbi, the opportunity to do a mitzvah in a more mihudar way at the expense of your own hiddur fall under what is required under the laws of honoring?

Imagine the following situation:

The person who you must honor asks you to pick up a Lulav set while you are shopping for your own. They give the money for it. Now, at the shop/stand you find the two sets you are going to buy. One for you, one for him. Both are completely kosher and both are mihuddar. However one is somewhat nicer under the guidelines of hiddur. Who should you get the nicer one for? Yourself, or the person you need to give honor to?

  • 1
    possible dupe judaism.stackexchange.com/q/85002/759
    – Double AA
    Commented Oct 3, 2017 at 18:01
  • It's definitely related. But I think kiyum mitzvah, hiddur mitzvah, and niceties in general can all be asked as separate questions. That one there for instance can have a nice complicated answer about a doorway with no mezuzah and kavod etc.
    – user6591
    Commented Oct 3, 2017 at 18:04

1 Answer 1


Based on the Shiarei Knesset HaGedolah & Iggeret Shmuel brought in the Shaarei Teshuvah (OC §658, end) it appears that when pertaining to commandments that are incumbent on an individual one is not obligated to give precedence, to somebody who is ordinarily due, and by foregoing any exemplary elements (הידור) whereby himself not fulfilling the commandment in an exemplary manner.

R. Yitzchok Zilberstien (Chashukei Chemed on Sukkah 41b) draws a direct parallel from the above to a case resembling OP's, however, he concludes that the above should only apply when giving precedence will hinder the conferrer from fulfilling the commandment altogether, whereas if he will only lack the הידור element but still fulfill the commandment (e.g. of shaking the four species) then honor should be given to the one due.


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