There is a part in the third bracha in bentching which goes like this:

הרחמן הוא יברך את אבי מורי בעל הבית הזה ואת אמי מורתי בעלת הבית הזה אותם ואת ביתם ואת זרעם ואת כל אשר להם אותנו ואת כל אשר לנו

May the Merciful One bless my father, my teacher, the mast of this house, and my mother, my teacher, the mistress of this house; them, their household, their children, and all that is theirs; us, and all that is ours.

(From the Kehot Annotated Bentcher)

I have seen in other bentchers (for example, ArtScroll) where they have this part they seperate it off and include instructions about when you're in your own home, or when you're just alone, or when you're at a friend's home, and the above text is only said when you're in your parents' home.

But in the Nusach Ari bentcher, the one I quoted from Kehot, there are not alternate instructions. The text that is usually deemed "for when you're in your parents' home" is just put in the text of the bracha as if it is supposed to be said every time you bentch!

Is this section supposed to be said every time, even when you're not in your parents' home? Or is this just a big oversight on Kehot's part? (I must note it's like this in their siddur too.)

Additionally, if it is just a big oversight, when you're bentching, when you just skip this part, what should you say instead according to the Chabad nusach?

  • I apologize if this is very confusing. I don't know how else to word it.
    – ezra
    Sep 6, 2017 at 3:21
  • Are you shure it is part of the 3rd brocho (and not after it?)
    – hazoriz
    Sep 11, 2017 at 9:51

1 Answer 1


In Sefer HaMinhagim for Chabad, it states:

The words, avi mori baal habayis hazeh v'es imi morasi ba'alas habayis hazeh, are said by everyone, even by a guest or by one whose parents are no longer alive.

Found in Sichos in English site Grace after meals

  • Thank you! I guess this is like some Chabad women who actually say "shelo asani ishah" because they have the minhag to not change a word from the siddur!!
    – ezra
    Sep 6, 2017 at 3:50
  • 3
    @ezra Show them this Psak (from Reb Zalman Shimon Dvorkin, the Rov in Crown Heights and in Beis HaRav in the 80s). next time you see them :) Sep 6, 2017 at 5:13
  • @ShmuelBrin - You know, I think I will, because that's often bugged me.
    – ezra
    Sep 6, 2017 at 11:18
  • I can understand perhaps asking for blessing for deceased or absent parents, but it's a clear falsehood to refer to your parents as "masters of this house" when they aren't.
    – Double AA
    Sep 11, 2017 at 17:10
  • 1
    @ Double AA that is a rationalist complaint but since Chabad is Kabbalistic you have to approach it from their point of view that all Torah is a reflection of a spiritual reality. In this case the "harachaman"s refer to the sefirot which obviously always exist. See hebrewbooks.org/…
    – user8593
    Jan 23, 2018 at 22:21

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