ashkenazi style melodies to mizrachi birkat hamazon?

Question

My wife has an Ashkenazi background and loved singing Birkat Hamazon at the shabbat table with a traditional western melody (similar to http://www.chabad.org/multimedia/media_cdo/aid/692733/jewish/Bentching-Trax.htm , but without the instrumental, ofcourse). I am from an Iraqi background (nusach Edot Hamizrach) and recite Birkat Hamazon in a less 'melodious' fashion (very similar to, for example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAK-CdK0fJs). We use the od yosef chai siddur.

While both my wife and I have no dispute over the spiritual need and benefit to recite birkat hamazon she has expressed repeatedly that she misses the melodies she knows well and loved to use during birkat hamazon.

Is there a compromise somewhere? Are there ashkenazi-style melodies that are being used on the edot-hamizrachi text of the birkat hamazon? I've tried using the traditional melody, but edot-hamizrach differs sufficiently from the ashkenazi text to render the melody impractical at best.

Answer 1

Your question was asked in a much bigger way a few hundred years ago. The first large source to deal with this issue came from the Maharashdam (Rav Shmuel deMedina of the 16th Century), a large Turkish posek who was quoted by Sepharadim and Ashkenazim after him. The issue was that after the expulsion of Spanish Jews from Spain, the indigenous Turkish Jews found themselves outnumbered by the Sepharadim. Now most of the Synagogues were using the text of Minhag Sepharadi, and the Turkish Jews wanted to know if they had to use the Sepharadi Minhag of prayers (the new community standard), or if they could/should continue to use the original prayers of Minhag Turkey.

The Maharashdam ruled as follows:

בטורקיה נתקבל נוסח הספרדים. וקמו מערערים לומר שרוצים להתפלל כסדר מנהג אבותיהם. ז"ל שו"ת מהרשד"ם (אורח חיים סימן לה), לא מצאנו ולא ראינו שאין לשנות מנהג אבותינו כי אם בדבר שיש בו נידנוד איסור. בכי-האי-גוונא דליכא צד איסור כלל ועיקר, ולא הרחקת עבירה -- בהא פשיטא דלא שייך ביה משום "אל תטוש תורת אמך". וכן יש לדקדק מלשון הר"ן שכתב (פסחים פרק ד ד"ה ונמצינו = דף יז ע"ב בדפי הרי"ף): נמצינו למדים בתורת המנהגות שכל מנהג איסור שהוא מעיר אחת -- כל שאינו מנהג בטעות אלא שהם החמירו על עצמן לעשות סייג לתורה או לדבר שהוא מחלוקת בין חכמי ישראל ונהגו כדברי האוסר כל בני העיר, חייבין בו מן הדין, ואפילו בצינעא, עד שיעקור דירתו משם ויקבענה בעיר אחרת, עכ"ל הר"ן. ומדאמר הר"ן שכל מנהג איסור וכו', ולא קאמר שכל מנהג סתם, משמע דלא אמרינן הכי אלא בדבר איסור שנהגו במקומו הוא דאין לשנות. הא במידי דליכא צד איסור כלל -- פשיטא שאין קפידא כלל.

Summary: We have not found and we have not seen any example to block the change of your ancestral minhag. except, in minhagim which have a minud (a little bit of) prohibition in them. And he states this is not his new idea, but rather it was taught by the Ran.

In other words, the only obligatory minhagim are those that have prohibitions involved in them. In practical terms, this means that refraining from rice during Pesach would be a binding minhag that cannot be changed because you are prohibiting yourself of something. As further clarified by [Rabbi Dovid Fink][1], a noted posek in Jerusalem: The nusach of your prayers, or the method of wrapping your tefillin, etc, have no aspects of prohibition, and therefore you can change them as you please. In this case of the Turkish Jews, they were allowed to pray in Nusach Sepharad, or Nusach Turkey, whichever they wanted, whenever they wanted.