Let's say someone did something wrong in the past--either an aveira or something that was personally harmful. Should you/must you rebuke them for their old mistake

...if you bear a grudge against them because of it?

...if you don't bear a grudge against them because of it?

  • "...if you bear a grudge against them because of it?" - Sorry, SAH. See Vayikra 19:18 and Rash"i's explanation, there. One may not bear a grudge! So, it seems that part of your question is "irrelevant."
    – DanF
    Dec 29 '16 at 19:24
  • @DanF Oh, you got me!
    – SAH
    Dec 30 '16 at 6:05
  • Hmmmn... Lo sisna is an aveira itself (with exceptions), and the hochei'ach tochie'ach is specifically qualified as "velo tisa ala cheit." It's quite possible that you'd be violating several aveiros when trying to give tochecha to someone you bear a grudge against. especially if the person KNOWS you bear them a grudge (in which case they will not accept your rebuke, which by itself makes the rebuke forbidden)... Dec 30 '16 at 12:21
  • @IsaacKotlicky What is "velo tisa ala cheit"? What are the potential aveiros I would be violating? I think the person would accept my rebuke
    – SAH
    Dec 30 '16 at 15:08
  • @SAH If the person KNOWS you bear a grudge, why on earth would you assume they would accept your rebuke? Anything you say would be interpreted as deriving from your grudge, making your words unproductive and thus inappropriate! Dec 30 '16 at 15:12

When bearing a grudge against someone your position should be the pursuit of peace by voicing your feelings towards him, letting him in, in full on your accusations against him. Any attempt at rebuking prior to reinstating peace in between yourselves shall be untruthful as your intentions are automatically to let out your anger. This is what is meant by lo tisna et acicha bilvovecha meaning do not hold your hate in your heart but rather share it with him as that will bring forth peace again.

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