Sources that it is also the husbands responsibility to make peace between a husband and wife (or sources of examples of where a man does it)

(are we not thought the opposite, not that he should try to make peace but that he should divorce a bad (meaning one that causes fights) wife?)

It seems that the Talmud only brings examples of the wife trying to make peace with her husband and never the other way.
(examples, to drink the sota water to permit her, to spit at a rabbi to permit her, Rabbi looks for where she has no blemish nedorim 66b,).

Is this incorrect?
What are the first sources that it is also the husbands responsibility (as we are thought now in modern society) to do more then his usual obligations to make peace?

  • I guess the reason why the examples are of the wife is because she was the one who wanted to stay married and the husband can always give a get when he wants, but now that a husband can't give a divorce it changed
    – hazoriz
    Jun 29, 2016 at 17:14
  • Personally I think that it is fairly obvious that in any relationship involving multiple parties, all parties need to do all possible to add peace...
    – mevaqesh
    Jun 29, 2016 at 18:34
  • @mevaqesh (regarding your first comment) since I did not receive one , I removed the tag, I want any sources but the earlier the better, regarding your second comment please bring a source for tbat (that will be an answer)
    – hazoriz
    Jul 1, 2016 at 2:05
  • למה לי קרא סברא הוא
    – mevaqesh
    Feb 1, 2017 at 19:03
  • @mevaqesh what happens with the svara if it seems to contradict a source see judaism.stackexchange.com/q/71054
    – hazoriz
    Feb 1, 2017 at 19:05

1 Answer 1


The Babylonian Talmud has several references in this regard. First, in b. Baba Mezi'a (Folio 59a) we read the following with regard to instigating conflict with ones wife -

R. Hanina, son of R. Idi, said: What is meant by the verse, Ye shall not wrong one another [עֲמִית֔וֹ] (Lev 25:17)? — Wrong not a people that is with you in learning and good deeds.

Rab said: One should always be heedful of wronging his wife, for since her tears are frequent; she is quickly hurt.

(emphasis added)

Second, the husband is to cherish his wife in order to maintain domestic tranquility according to b. Yevamoth (Folio 62b). The notes in gray boxes come from dTorah.com, and [notes in brackets] are my own -

R'Tanhum stated in the name of R'Hanilai: Any man who has no wife lives without joy, without blessing, and without goodness, without joy' - for it is written.

And thou shalt rejoice, thou and thy house (= wife [Yoma 2a]). 'Without blessing', for it is written, To cause a blessing to rest on thy house (Ezek 44:30). 'Without goodness', for it is written, I is not good that the man should be alone (Gen 2:18).

In the West (Palestine) it was stated (concerning the unmarried man): Without Torah and without a [protecting] wall.'

'Without Torah' - for it is written.

Is it that I have no help (= wife) in me, and that sound wisdom (= Torah) is driven quite from me (Job 6:13)? 'Without a [protecting] wall', for it is written, 'A woman shall encompass a man'(Jer 31:22).

Raba B'Ulla said (concerning the unmarried man): Without peace, for it is written, And thou shalt know that thy tent (= wife) is in peace; and thou shalt visit ["ופקדת" = conjugal relations] thy habitation [= wife] and shalt miss nothing (Job 5:24).

R'Joshua B'Levi said: Whosoever knows his wife to be a God-fearing woman and does not duly visit her ["לפקוד" = conjugal relations] is called a sinner; for it is said, And thou shalt know that thy tent is in peace, etc.

R'Joshua B'Levi further stated: It is a man's duty to pay a visit to his wife when he starts on a journey; it is said, And thou shalt know that thy tent (= wife) is in peace, etc.

The final sentence (above) repeated the previous sentence, but left out the reference that the wife be someone "God-fearing" in order to receive cherished treatment from her husband.

Finally, it is ironic that many references in this passage from Talmud come from the Book of Job, whose wife had once advised him "to curse God and die" (Job 2:9), and yet the commands here in Talmud are upon the husband to cherish his wife notwithstanding.

In summary, these passages seem to indicate that the husband take the initiative for maintaining domestic tranquility notwithstanding that the wife may not be "God-fearing."

  • +1 but are all those things not his usual obligations?
    – hazoriz
    Feb 1, 2017 at 19:03

You must log in to answer this question.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged .