Answers to this question state that one may lie / alter the truth for the sake of Shalom.

Can your friend assist you in your lie?

Let's say a close friend accidentally injured you, and you have a huge bruise on your arm. Your wife would be angry at your friend for injuring you, and it would upset her and you for some time. You don't want to make a huge deal about it, as it was an accident.

You tell your wife, instead, that you accidentally bumped into something that gave you the bruise.

  • If your wife encounters your friend and asks him/her how you got the bruise, can your friend lie to your wife (on his own doing)? In this case he is helping to preserve YOUR Shalom Bayit.
  • Is it halachically OK to ask your friend to coordinate with your lie, by requesting that he concur with the story you told your wife?

The above is a sample scenario. I'm asking about a general case of doing this when it applies to any situation of Shalom Bayit.

  • ???? Did you link to the right question? The answer there says "No, It applies to all interpersonal relationships". Where do you see anything about spouses?
    – Double AA
    Jun 1, 2016 at 14:56

1 Answer 1


In your particular situation, I happen to think lying in general is a bad idea. The truth is likely to come out at some point; at which point now the wife has to deal with two disturbing things (the injury, and the lie) rather than one.

But for theory's sake: Keep in mind that in Genesis 18, God lies to Abraham to protect Sarah:

SARAH: I can't have kids, Abraham's too old!

GOD: Hey Abraham, Sarah said she's too old to have kids

As for a flesh-and-blood precedent, have a look at Yevamot 63a:

רב הוה קא מצערא ליה דביתהו כי אמר לה עבידי לי טלופחי עבדא ליה חימצי חימצי עבדא ליה טלופחי כי גדל חייא בריה אפיך לה אמר ליה איעליא לך אמך אמר ליה אנא הוא דקא אפיכנא לה אמר ליה היינו דקא אמרי אינשי דנפיק מינך טעמא מלפך את לא תעביד הכי שנאמר (ירמיהו ט) למדו לשונם דבר שקר

Rav's wife liked to torment him: whatever he'd request for dinner, she'd make something else. When his son Chiya grew up, he started reversing his father's dinner request. Your mother has improved!, said Rav to Chiya. No, I've been switching it on her, he replied.

I guess that's they say, you learn from your kids sometimes! [I may reverse the order myself, but] you shouldn't do it, as Jeremiah bemoans that Jews have trained themselves to speak lies.

Note that Rav didn't say "thou shalt not lie!", he said it's a dirty habit that he doesn't want his son picking up.

My reading of that would be that it is permissible, though distasteful, to be untruthful if it would genuinely help someone else's relationship; however it's not right for my pal to demand that I do it.


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