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A friend of a non-observant family shared a story which inspired this question.

Two cousins were playing together. The boy was about 7 years old. The girl was about 3 years old. Early on, the mother (mother-A) of the 3 year old girl had educated her on what is and is not appropriate touch. After the two cousins were playing, the girl informed mother-A that the boy had 'touched' her inappropriately. Mother-A did not take this lightly (being a victim of family molestation) and informed her sister - mother-B - of what had transpired.

Mother-B was certain that her son would not intentionally do this. It is too easy to touch a 'forbidden' area (which could be respectively appropriate generally, yet forbidden to some i.e. touching the thigh) by accident. She also understood that a three year old might get an 'idea' of what inappropriate touch is but still does not have discernment to know what is malicious or not.

Mother-B talked her sister out of making this an issue that could destroy the family. Mother-A dropped it. Unfortunately, there was still recoil. Mother-B warned her son to never be alone with the little girl again. And though the cousins today have a great relationship, mother-A (aunt) and the boy (nephew) do not.

If molestation runs in the family, does educating children start earlier than if not? Does the gender being educated affect how and when education proceeds? Like in our story if a parent is a victim of molestation, is it advised for the parent to first address it within him/herself for a better educational outcome and emotional development of the child?

closed as primarily opinion-based by Gershon Gold, sabbahillel, Isaac Moses, mbloch, Shmuel Brin Apr 17 '16 at 7:40

Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

  • The story that motivated this question is very unclear to me. (Was it the three- or the seven-year-old or some other child who touched the three- or the seven-year old? Which kid's mother convinced the other to ignore the issue? How does ignoring the issue equate to "early preventative steps were taken"? What does "the discernment of such a case was insufficient and primed to assume the worst"?) But no matter: that's not your question, it's just a story, so I guess I can ignore it. As to your questions, you seem to have two, one each in your last two paragraphs. But [continued] – msh210 Apr 14 '16 at 14:24
  • [continued] the second of those is also very unclear to me. "I do understand in this situation molestation was in the family (the mother a victim) so early preventative steps were taken, but could this effect instruction to a child?" Can early preventative steps effect instruction? I guess it depends what the steps are. Certainly instruction can help to effect early prevention. Or did you mean to ask whether a history of molestation can effect instruction? Or did you mean to ask whether a history of molestation can affect instruction? – msh210 Apr 14 '16 at 14:26
  • One of the leagal ages in Russian is that age when they are aware but do not want it – hazoriz Apr 14 '16 at 14:34
  • But Regarding the obligation to teach it seems it is only when they can do it (what you teach them) so from the age they can understand and do (not do) what you tell them you are obligated – hazoriz Apr 14 '16 at 14:42
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    There are so many aspects of "sexual awareness" that all have different appropriate times. The notion of private parts certainly is taught pretty early. Well before discussing things people probably don't want me listing here. – Double AA Apr 14 '16 at 16:04