PTIJ: For whom should I vote? (US Presidential Elections 2016) [closed]

Question

There is a commandment to vote for a president, as it says (Devarim 17:15):

שׂוֹם תָּשִׂים עָלֶיךָ מֶלֶךְ אֲשֶׁר יִבְחַר

Place upon yourselves a king who shall be chosen [by voting]

And we see here that the US President has enough power to warrant the blessing over seeing a king.

With that in mind, who should i vote for? Please provide Biblical and Talmudic sources that "specifically mention"* one of the current candidates as someone either worth voting for or who should be avoided.**

* This mention must be Purim Torah -- based on a pun or misunderstanding of the verse. I specifically do not want any real modern-day rabbis saying who to vote for in this election. The candidate can be identified either by name or by a defining characteristic.

** It shouldn't just be any "mention" of the candidate's name, but rather specifically something related to voting or a position of power.

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This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.

Please leave your personal politics out of this.

Note that we are not telling you who to vote for in this question. For some real Torah-based opinions on what to take into account when voting, see the following questions:

• Voting for Jews in elections
• Voting on "Who's good for the Jews?"
• Voting for a person that will not uphold Torah values

Answer 1

Targum Onkelos to Shemos 36:6:

ופקיד משה ואעברו כרוז במשריתא

And Moshe appointed, and they passed Cruz over the camp

Seems the father of all prophets would have us appoint Cruz.

Answer 2

The continuation of the parsha quoted says: וְלֹא יַרְבֶּה-לּוֹ נָשִׁים, וְלֹא יָסוּר לְבָבוֹ; וְכֶסֶף וְזָהָב, לֹא יַרְבֶּה-לּוֹ מְאֹד. This would seem to disqualify Donald Trump. It also says, וְלֹא-יָשִׁיב אֶת-הָעָם מִצְרַיְמָה. As secretary of state, Hillary visited Egypt, thus she would also seem to be disqualified. Finally, it says, וּלְבִלְתִּי סוּר מִן-הַמִּצְוָה יָמִין וּשְׂמֹאול, one must have a candidate who is neither right nor left--thus it would seem the Torah endorses Bloomberg. (Note that this is not practical halakhah.)

Answer 3

שׂוֹם תָּשִׂים עָלֶיךָ מֶלֶךְ, אֲשֶׁר יִבְחַר יְהוָה אֱלֹהֶיךָ בּוֹ: מִקֶּרֶב אַחֶיךָ, תָּשִׂים עָלֶיךָ מֶלֶךְ--לֹא תוּכַל לָתֵת עָלֶיךָ אִישׁ נָכְרִי, אֲשֶׁר לֹא-אָחִיךָ הוּא.

You shall be free to set a king over yourself, one chosen by the Lord your God. Be sure to set as king over yourself one of your own people; you must not set a foreigner over you, one who is not your kinsman. Deuteronomy 17:15

So, Bernie.

Answer 4

Hillary is invalid, even as a candidate for Vice President.

Shemos 17:9:

בחר-לנו אנשים

Elect for us men

So the whole ticket has to be male.

Answer 5

B'ruvio am hadrat melech.

In Rubio, the nation glorifies a king.

Mishlei, 14:28

Answer 6

Isaiah 33:21:

כִּי אִם-שָׁם אַדִּיר יְהוָה, לָנוּ, מְקוֹם-נְהָרִים יְאֹרִים, רַחֲבֵי יָדָיִם; בַּל-תֵּלֶךְ בּוֹ אֳנִי-שַׁיִט, וְצִי אַדִּיר לֹא יַעַבְרֶנּוּ.

But there will be the royal one of Hashem, in a place of broad rivers and streams, where the one who says "I am CRUISE" does not go, and no gallant ship pass thereby.

We see that Cruz is not an acceptable candidate. I can't yet tell you who is, but one down, several still standing.

Answer 7

Our tradition is actually ambivalent about Senator Sanders. Indeed, we find in some girsas of Sanhedrin 16b (quoting the mishna 1:5):

‮אין עושין סנדראות לשבטים [אלא על פי בית דין של שבעים ואהד]

We may only appoint Sanderses to rule over tribes via a beit din of 71.

Since there are many tribes within the United States, and since we do not have a beit din of 71, we perhaps should not appoint Senator Sanders to lead.

On the other hand, we learn from Rambam's Hilkhot Sanhedrin 4:1:

‮אחד בית דין הגדול, או סנדרי קטנה, או בית דין של שלושה--צריכין שיהיה כל אחד מהן, סמוך מפי סמוך.

A large beit din, small Sanderses, and a beit din of three need each to have received smikha from someone who received smikha.

We infer from this that a large (read: old) Sanders, such as Senator Sanders, does not need smikha in order to lead, which is something we do not know explicitly about any other candidate.