Asking for something in prayers

Question

I've never really liked the idea of asking for personal things when praying. I feel it's kind of selfish to ask for personal problems when there are people in the world in much worse situations. What I think while praying (besides thanking and praising G-d) is that I give Him my tefilah and he knows better where (or when) to use it.

I never saw this as a bad thing, but I once read that some rabbi said that: "a prayer that doesn't ask for a different thing each day isn't valid". And in this answer I found, it says:

Rebbe Nachman of Breslov has many specific teachings on prayer [...] one should pray for any physical thing one needs, even something as insignificant as a missing button on one's coat.

I really don't feel comfortable when asking G-d for personal things. I believe that if I'm sick, if lost something or if anything bad happened to me, it happened because I deserved it. If G-d is completely righteous and fair, how could I tell Him that I deserve more? Shouldn't I just accept what G-d gives me without asking for more?

Answer 1

This is acknowledging that everything that we have is based on Hashem granting it. Every one has needs and desires that must be taken care of. It is appropriate to ask Hashem to help us understand which ones are appropriate and to help us merit the fulfillment of those desires. Note that Moshe Rabbeinu asked to be allowed to go into the land. In the story of Yishmael, the meforshim teach that a sick person's prayer for health is heeded more readily than someone elses prayer for that sick person. Rabbi Hayim Halevy Donin’s useful book points out the Talmud mentions eleven sages and the supplications that each customarily added to the Shemoneh Esrei (Berakhot 16b-17a). The prayer of Mar, son of Rabina, a fourth-century rabbi, became a favorite and found its way into the prayer book at the end of the Amidah. Thus, the powerful ending of our current silent devotions began as one of many personal prayers.

Rav Kook: Prayer at Sunrise points out

The Sages instituted a fixed text for prayer, so that all would be able to pray eloquently and for appropriate objectives. Yet the Sages also warned against prayer that is keva - literally 'fixed' or 'set.'

What exactly is this keva prayer that one should avoid?

The Talmud quotes a number of explanations. The simplest definition is that keva is a prayer consisting solely of the prescribed text, without any personal or individual requests. Others explain keva to mean a dry, sterile prayer, lacking heartfelt petitions.

This article discusses the matter in modern times but is too long to summarize.

I can't guarantee what will happen if you use prayer and tzedakah to ask God for help. But you just might create an unstoppable flow of healing and repair, a very different result than if you close your heart and do nothing. You just might open up a path of light where before there was darkness.

Leonard Felder, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist whose most recent book is Seven Prayers That Can Change Your Life: How to Use Jewish Spiritual Wisdom for Enhancing Your Health, Relationships, and Daily Effectiveness (Andrews-McMeel, 2001).

Answer 2

According to all poskim, the mitzva d'oraita of prayer is turning to Him at a time of need in prayer and asking Him to fulfil that need¹.

According to some poskim, there is a mitzva d'oraita to pray every day, and it is called "Avodah", service².

One message: Hashem's absolute desire is that if you have any needs or requests, you ask Him for them in prayer. This is serving Him, bringing Him untold joy and pleasure³. Therefore even if you feel uncomfortable doing so, remember it's not about you, it's not for you; it's for Him^4,5.

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^{1 - Likkutei Sichos 29/183; Piskeiy Teshuvos 89/1; Vetzaruch Iyun if this means that according to both Ramban and Ramban this is a Biblical command, or if it means that even according to Ramban it is a Biblical command when in need. The practical ramification is in a case that one already Davened that day, do we say that Davening again in a time of need is a Biblical command even according to Rambam, or only according to Ramban
2 - 1st opinion in Admur 106/2; Michaber 106/2 as explained in M”A ibid and P”M 4 M”Z 15, unlike Taz 106/2; Rambam Tefila 1/1 “It is a positive command to Daven each day”; Rif Brachos 17b; Riea Brachos 10b; Semag Asei 19; Chinuch Mitzvah 248 and 433 rules like Rambam; Admur Hazakein in Igros Kodesh p. 34 “Those who say that prayer is Rabbinical have not seen light in their days, as although the dialect and number of prayers is Rabbinical, nevertheless, its main aspect and essence is the foundation of the entire Torah, to know Hashem and recognize His greatness.” See Toras Menachem 27 p. 47 for explanation of this letter of Admur. Admur in Tanya Kuntrus Achron p. 162 “Prayer is an actual Torah obligation]”
Source}

^{3 - אין שיעור לרב השמחה והתענוג שיגיע לבורא עולם, Be'er Mayim Chaim 2, Shemot 1:9
4 - ידע האדם שאין התפלה לצורך עצמו כי אם צורך גבוה, Toldot Yaakov Yosef, Eikev 60. See also Aruch HaShulchan O'H 89:8
5 - כֹּל פָּעַל ה' לַמַּעֲנֵהוּ, Mishlei 16:4}

Answer 3

I don't remember now where I learned this, but somewhere along the way I was taught to ask God for self-improvement. Yes, if something bad is happening to me it's probably a consequence of my own errors and it doesn't seem proper to ask God to undo it, but it is proper to ask for help in not doing that again -- to learn to be more attentive to others, more careful in my own actions, slower to anger, and so on.

This is consistent with several of the personal prayers (at the end of the tefilah) recorded in Brachot (around 17-18?), one of which became the text we say today (at least in nusach Ashkenaz).