If you do action A to mike he doesn't give it a second thought. If you do the same action A to Joe he gets deeply hurt.

If you didn't intend to hurt Joe, but he nevertheless got hurt through your actions, are you held responsible and therefore punished?

  • Related: the comments to judaism.stackexchange.com/q/34188
    – msh210
    Sep 11, 2015 at 1:41
  • If you know that JOE is easily hurt, I think you should have been more cautious. Perhaps, you should have asked beforehand. If you REALLY didn't think that what you did or said would hurt him and you were not negligent, then it seems that this was a real accident.
    – DanF
    Sep 11, 2015 at 3:13

2 Answers 2


אמר רב: לעולם יהא אדם זהיר באונאת אשתו שמתוך שדמעתה מצויה - אונאתה קרובה

(בבא מציעא נט)

One must always be careful with hurting the feelings of his wife for since her tears are found, hurting her feelings and, thus, violating the prohibition of אונאה is easier.

We may conclude that we must be more careful and sensitive when dealing with people who are easily hurt than with regular people.

  • I doubt that your last paragraph is a good kal vachomer. Your wife gets special treatment that far exceeds the treatment that goes to anyone else. In some ways you have to treat her better than yourself! Also, the above quote addresses only emotional harm, not physical harm.
    – DanF
    Sep 11, 2015 at 3:07
  • @danf I never mentioned any kal vachomer. the gemara is discussing onaah and is not discussing how one must otherwise treat his wife with honor. The question as I understood it was discussing hurting ones feelings where one person is easier to get hurt - not physical harm. One is certainly responsible for physical harm since אדם מועד לעולם.
    – Yoni
    Sep 11, 2015 at 3:13
  • I got that, pretty much. The "kal vachomer" is what I infer from your last par. when you state that we must be MORE sensitive to others. I'm suggesting that the case may be specific to how you deal with your wife because your wife gets hurt more easily only because you are the one hurting her and she is your wife. Had someone else done the same thing, she wouldn't be hurt the same way. The case of the OP deals with comparing your hurting person A vs. person B.
    – DanF
    Sep 11, 2015 at 3:20
  • @danf more sensitive to an over sensitive person than a person who is not easily hurt JUST LIKE one must be more sensitive to his wife who is more sensitive.
    – Yoni
    Sep 11, 2015 at 3:24
  • This is only if you know that he sensitive, I understand the question is also in a case that you did not know, (by your wife you know, if you do not then learn the gemoro you quoted, the question is also if you did not know that this will hurt him, what gemoro can you read about this)
    – hazoriz
    Sep 11, 2015 at 3:48


"the raped (forced) The Merciful permits/forgives"

So by law you should not be published if you did not know (and you legally had the right to assume that it will not hurt him (maybe in this case we go by most people))

But the way Hashem made the world is, that your actions will be repaid (in a certain way, hopefully (for all Jews) just threw the frustration of taking a wrong coin out of your pocket)

Maybe by lowering your self and asking for forgiveness you are deciding that this should be your "punishment"

Some have a prayer in the shma on the bead to say

"Master of the universe i hereby forgive anyone who angered or antagonized me or sinned against me ... Whether he did so accidentally, willfully carelessly purposely through speech deed thought or notion ... May no one should be punished because of me"

hopefully it is reciprocal, from this prayer I see that someone can get punished from hurting someone even unintentionally (to me it seems out of Hashem's love of Joe, so if joe forgives you, their is no need to punish you)

"You were drowned because you drowned someone and The one that drowned you will be drowned"


I have a question: if someone considers (decides) (even subconsciously) that somthing hurt him, is it considered legally that somebody hurt him


My above answer was about feeling but for physical damages you need to pay even if you did not want to make them

  • -1 someone really loves me
    – hazoriz
    Sep 11, 2015 at 2:47

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