You are set up a shidduch and you go out for a few dates. It doesn't work out. What do you do?

Is there a difference if you go on a few dates or if you go on many? Should you provide a reason or should you give a generic response (e.g. "there is no chemistry")?

What role does the shadchan play in the break up process?

  • 4
    The answer probably depends a lot on the community.
    – Ypnypn
    Sep 6, 2015 at 14:59
  • 1
    The answer could address what's done in different communities.
    – Ani Yodea
    Sep 6, 2015 at 15:13
  • 1
    Why is this a Jewish question per-se?
    – andrewmh20
    Sep 6, 2015 at 15:53
  • 1
    @andrewmh20 there might be shidduch-specific conventions on top of the "just plain interpersonal" conventions. If somebody arranged it, maybe that person is involved in this. I don't know, but I don't think it an unreasonable question. If the answer is "nothing special; just do what you'd do were there no shidduch", that can be brought in an answer. Sep 6, 2015 at 17:39
  • 1
    Isn't dealing with Shadchanim/shidduchim somewhere in the halachic/mussar texts?
    – Ani Yodea
    Sep 6, 2015 at 19:54

1 Answer 1


call the shadchan and let him/her you know you are not interested in th person you were introduced to and why. The only reason it is important to say why is so then the shadchan has a better understanding of who to set you up with next. A big part of the reason it's helpful to have a shadchan is for this very reason. It makes it significantly easier for both to part ways without emotional involvement. One doesn't get emotionally involved with someone they are just checking out to see if they could marry them. That is only relevant to one's wife.

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