In shulchan aruch yora daiya 240.6

היה צריך על שום דבר בעיר ויודע שישלימו חפצו בשביל אביו אע"פ שיודע שגם כן יעשו בשבילו לא יאמר עשו לי דבר פלוני בשבילי אלא יאמר עשו בשביל אבא כדי לתלות הכבוד באביו: 

My guess on a translation

If you need anything in the city and you know that your wanting will be fulfilled for your father even though you know that it will also be done for you (my understanding: that you do not need to use his name), do not say do for me this thing for me but you should say to it for my that, do that to hang (relay) the respect on his father

Please help me understand, I live in America I do not know authentic respect

To me it seems that it is saying you should not ask for the favor for yourself (so that they should respect you by doing what you want) but for your father (so that they should respect your father by doing it for him

To me it seems that the father (and not you) will now owe them for this respect (hakoras hatov)

Please tell me were am I wrong

  • 1
    The son isn't asking for a favor in the context of a quid pro quo. The assumption is that the favor is being granted out of respect. If the son mentions his father, he is implying that his father is worthy of respect. If any reciprocity was expected, it would be from the son anyway. – Fred Jul 23 '15 at 1:14
  • @fred I do not really understand – hazoriz Jul 23 '15 at 1:20
  • 4
    Option (1): "Please do me a favor out of respect for my great father. I may not be worthy of the favor myself, but please do me this favor for my father's sake." Option (2): "Please do me this favor. Perhaps you wouldn't do this for just anybody, but do it for my sake." If they will do the favor for you in either case, you should choose Option (1) since it demonstrates the esteem you have for your father, and it suggests that the other person also esteems your father. (Is this clear?) – Fred Jul 23 '15 at 1:26
  • @fred thank you for your patience, what you wrote now yes, but why "if eny reciprocity ... It would be from the SON" if he is doing it for the father – hazoriz Jul 23 '15 at 1:30
  • 1
    By the way, commentaries on the Shulchan Aruch indicate that the son should ask for a favor this way even if he knows that the person is going to do the favor only for the son's sake. This is because the son is showing respect for his father by suggesting that his father is more worthy of receiving the favor. – Fred Jul 23 '15 at 3:28

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