My daughter recently started dating, and a Shidduch (match) was suggested. The boy's family requested a picture prior to deciding if they want to proceed. I felt that this was inappropriate for reasons of Tzeniyus (modesty) amongst other possible reasons, such as Bain Adam Lechavairo (treating others properly), photos not showing actual personality thus potentially leading one to saying no to ones Bashert (destined match), and the fact that if the Shidduch does not work out they still have the photo. Does any contemporary Gadol (major authority) discuss whether this is proper or improper?
asked Jul 6, 2015 at 12:57
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5Tznius? Aren't they going to see each other when they go out,maybe ben adam lechaveiro I can hear but tznuis– samCommented Jul 6, 2015 at 13:07
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4@sam, the point of a photo is to focus on the subject's appearance.– Isaac Moses ♦Commented Jul 6, 2015 at 13:29
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2@IsaacMoses Focusing on the subject's appearance is not only permitted, but it is recommended. Tznius should not be an issue, as sam indicated.– Double AA ♦Commented Jul 6, 2015 at 18:15
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3@DoubleAA, one could argue that distributing a photograph promotes a different kind and amount of focus than consideration of someone's appearance in the context of meeting them in person does. I would encourage Gershon Gold to more fully articulate his tzeniyus and other concerns in the question.– Isaac Moses ♦Commented Jul 6, 2015 at 18:18
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2I heard a story about a specific Chassidish rebbe (now I can't remember which) that was asked this question. He responded (in good Chassidish pronunciation): "loi yai-usse ze bimkoimaini lusais es hatzira lifnai habechira"– jakeCommented Jul 7, 2015 at 19:28
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1 Answer
Yes, both R. Chaim Kanievsky and R. Dovid Feinstein have expressed opposition towards this practice, because one can't get to know a picture. See here.
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1Rav Moshe Heinemann, Shlita of Baltimore, when consulted by this author on the question, responded, “I do not think that it is within the framework of tznius for a girl to give a picture out where others can possibly see it. This is not with the ruach of Torah.” Rav Shmuel Fuerst, a Dayan in Chicago stated, “This wasn’t the mehalech for doros, and I think it is lacking in tznius. I don’t think it is a proper hanhagah and, besides, a picture can be very deceiving.” Commented Jul 6, 2015 at 19:29
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1@GershonGold Do either of them explain what the Tznius issue is? A prospective suitor should look at his prospective wife. What is the problem? I assume the women will be dressed appropriately in the pictures.– Double AA ♦Commented Jul 6, 2015 at 19:36
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@DoubleAA: They do not explain it in the article. I think it would be an interesting question as to what Tzeniyus is and how is it defined? Commented Jul 6, 2015 at 19:38