Speaking lashon hara about someone who does not mind

Question

Is it permitted to say negative things about someone when the person spoken about says that he does not mind and does not care if people speak negatively about him?

Answer 1

See the Chafetz Chaim in Shmiras Halashon (חלק ב' פרק יח):

פָּרָשַׁת בְּהַעֲלֹתְךָ ''וַתְּדַבֵּר מִרְיָם וְאַהֲרֹן בְּמֹשֶה עַל אוֹדוֹת'' וְגוֹ' {במדבר י''ב א'}. מִפָּרָשָׁה זוֹ אָנוּ לְמֵדִים כַּמָּה עִנְיָנִים: א. שֶׁאִסּוּרוֹ הוּא אֲפִלּוּ אִם הָאִישׁ שֶׁדִּבֵּר עָלָיו הוּא עָנָו וּשְׁפַל רוּחַ, וְאֵינוֹ מַקפִּיד עַל מַה שֶׁדּוֹבֵר עָלָיו [דִּלְפִיכָךְ נִסְמַךְ {שם ג'}: ''וְהָאִישׁ מֹשֶה עָנָו מְאֹד''].

Miriam spoke slander-lashon harah, about Moshe, and she was punished with tzaraas-leprosy.

The Chafetz Chaim writes that we learn from this episode that even regarding someone who is extremely humble and does not care what people say about him, nonetheless there is still a prohibition of slandering ie. lashon harah on such a person. For Moshe Rabbeinu was the most humble of all men and was surely not bothered, nevertheless Miriam was still punished with tzaraas.

The Chafetz Chaim supports this opinion with the words of the Rambam (טומאה צרעת טז-י):

הרי הוא אומר התבוננו מה אירע למרים הנביאה שדיברה באחיה שהיתה גדולה ממנו בשנים וגידלתו על ברכיה וסכנה בעצמה להצילו מן הים והיא לא דברה בגנותו אלא טעתה שהשותו לשאר נביאים והוא לא הקפיד על כל הדברים האלו שנאמר והאיש משה ענו מאד ואע''פ כן מיד נענשה בצרעת קל וחומר לבני אדם הרשעים הטפשים שמרבים לדבר גדולות ונפלאות.

Thus, we see that despite the fact that the person doesn't care that lashon harah is being spoken about them, nonetheless it is still prohibited.

Answer 2

You cannot really know if the other person minds; he might be saying he doesn't mind out of a desire to avoid conflict, for example. So let us first consider the case where we do actually know (as well as we can): can you say lashon hara about yourself? This question has been asked.

There is a famous story about the Chofetz Chayim saying this is forbidden. According to this answer, the Rav explains the prohibition thus (loose translation):

there's no novelty in saying that the Chofetz Chaim said that one cannot speak lashon hara about oneself (i.e. it's obviously prohibited), because after all, the whole concept of 'maris ayin' shows that a person doesn't have full jurisdiction over his own reputation to forgo it

You can't give up your reputation because it is not wholly yours to cede.

This answer also cites the Lubavicher Rebbe (6:1621) as forbidding it, saying that if it's forbidden to say it of others it's also forbidden to say it of yourself.

It seems to me that if you cannot say lashon hara about yourself, where you know the subject's intentions as well as any can be known, then surely you cannot say it about someone else, even if he says he doesn't mind.