How does a husband make a neder on his wife?

From shulchan aruch, even ezer:

115.10 (not to talk to someone (maybe only men?))

אם השביע אשתו שלא תדבר עם פלוני ועברה ודברה עמו עוברת על דת היא והפסידה כתובתה אם התרו בה תחלה אם תעברו על שבועתיך תפסידי כתובתיך:

76.9 (from relations)

המדיר את אשתו מתשמיש המטה בין שהדירה סתם או ז׳ ימים או יותר יקיים ז׳ ימים ואח״כ יוציא ויתן כתובתה אפי׳ הוא מלח שעונתו לששה חדשים: 


הדירה שלא תתקשט ותלאו בתשמיש שאמר קונם הנאת תשמישך עלי אם תתקשטי תתקשט מיד ותאסר בתשמיש ויקיים ז׳ ימים ואז יוציא ויתן כתובה וי״א שאם הדירה שלא תתקשט בעניות שנה אחת יקיים יותר מכן יתיר נדרו או יוציא ויתן כתובה ובעשירות ל׳ יום יקיים יותר מכן יתיר את נדרו או יוציא ויתן כתובה: 

It seems to me that he can. How does he do it (what does it say)?

What are the rules (what is he allowed to forbid his wife or force his wife to do with a neder/shvua for it to be binding)?

  • It would be great if you could provide translations or summaries of your quotes
    – SAH
    Commented Apr 14, 2015 at 6:29

1 Answer 1


There is nothing special going on here based on the marriage relationship.

Anyone can say to anyone else: "Do you swear XYZ?" and if they answer affirmatively, the oath is binding on them. So too if a husband says to his wife "Do you swear to not talk to Ploni-down-the-street?" The relevant rule in this case is that breaking that specific oath is considered overly licentious and constitutes grounds for loss of her Ketubah.

A Neder means forbidding benefit from something (as if it were a Korban). In this case (straight out of the Mishna Ketubot 5:6), the husband forbids himself from having benefit from relations-with-his-wife. He could also have forbidden all his apples or all of Ploni-down-the-street's toenail clippings. The relevant rule in this case is that his doing so gives her the right to sue for divorce.

  • So השביע אשתו שלא תדבר עם פלוני is only with her consent?
    – hazoriz
    Commented Apr 15, 2015 at 16:26
  • how would you explain "...קונם שאי את נהנית לי עד" sefaria.org/Nedarim.66b.5 ? also she agreed?
    – hazoriz
    Commented Apr 13, 2017 at 19:06
  • @hazoriz A shavua, such as in your first example, is only with the oath takers consent. But in your second example, he is banning himself by neder from having relations with her. He is banning himself the joy of sexual relations with her, which he can do without her consent.
    – Ze'ev
    Commented Feb 12, 2020 at 15:48

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