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My friend is very observant and will be getting married in May.

I was thinking a Kiddush set would be an appropriate gift, but I want to make sure I'm in strict accordance with the laws (if any) of gift giving for the occasion.

Should I avoid it? Will a member of the family most likely buy them a Kiddush set?

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    are they registered? – rosends Apr 8 '15 at 14:28
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    Welcome to Mi Yodeya, Benjamin, and thanks for your concern. I think that even if someone else ends up buying them a Kiddush set, it can still be nice to give one. They might prefer to use one over the other, or like to have an extra one in case of guests... In any case, i hope you get a proper answer, and enjoy your time on Mi Yodeya. :) Don't forget, if you think of any questions while at the wedding (or any other time ;)), feel free to bring them here. :) – Scimonster Apr 8 '15 at 14:36
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    Buy one with a flat bottom, not a stem, as many prefer to hold it in the palm, with the fingers cupped upwards. – Shalom Apr 8 '15 at 16:17
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    Shalom - cause people like to follow Shelo in Mishne Berure. – havarka Apr 8 '15 at 22:54
  • I'm thinking this is ideal based on feedback. Any objections? Would anyone not like this? – Benjamin Loya Apr 9 '15 at 13:44
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I received about a dozen Kiddush cups as wedding gifts. B"H, I have used almost all of them for some reason!

Offhand, I see no problem with giving a couple a Kiddush cup for their wedding, regardless of whether family members do likewise. (Interestingly, I don't recall any family member giving me a Kiddush cup.) IMO, you can't have too many Kiddush cups. Many people I know reserve certain cups for Yom Tov and additional ones for Pesach. (I've heard of some people that use a different cup for each of the 4 cups during the Seder!) If the wedding couple invites their own large family and / or many Shabbat guests, they will probably want every male guest to have his own cup. So, you can see that there are many occasions where even a dozen cups (not necessarily all from you ;-) still may not suffice!

Most people use silver cups. They are the most valuable, increase in value over time (usually), are easy to clean, lightweight, durable and non-breakable (though, they can get dented if abused.) Some people like clay cups / sets, and many beautiful ones are available. You may want to find out if the couple has a preference. However, as stated. clay / pottery ones stain and chip far more easily than silver does.

While I know that silver is expensive, I strongly advise against silver plate, though I know it's now cheap and "trendy". You pay a lot more money than it's value, and it has a tendency to stain and become dented because it's a bit brittle.

Also beware that some of the plated as well as full silver ones, esp. the ones with stems tend to be "weighted" on the bottom with wax! Yes, wax! Often dealers don't tell you this, and make you think you are buying weightier silver, and you paid silver weight for wax. Go to a reputable dealer or know what you're buying!

Another factor - Many people place a silver plate under their cup for Kiddush. Years ago, the plate was included in the price of the set. This is a rarity, now. While you do not need to buy a plate, this could be a factor in your total gift cost. My opinion if you're buying both - get a fancier cup and a less fancy plate if cost is a huge factor. You also, of course, don't have to buy both from the same place at the same time!

I don't advise buying online, as it's hard to tell what you're getting. But, if you do search online, consider eBAY. I've bought some nice antique silver cups on eBAY and have been quite pleased. Just research well and ask the buyer plenty of questions until your satisfied, and do not buy anything on eBAY from a foreign country that is not bound by U.S. legal buying laws (such as China). VERY risky!

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  • Thanks for this - very very helpful. I am most likely going to make the purchase online, and wanted to make sure that I'm buying full silver and not silver plate. I have no idea how to tell the difference though! Do you have any website recommendations for quality Judaica? – Benjamin Loya Apr 23 '15 at 16:21
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    @BenjaminLoya - I'm glad that you found my advice helpful. With the wealth of Judaica stores in the NY area, as well as a few private people whom my wife and I know, I don't think that I have ever ordered any silver items online. Do you live in a major city or travel to one? If you must order online, I have to research this a bit. Offhand, Grand Sterling (I think that's the name) is reliable, but I don't know if they have a website. You can also try eBAY, strange as that may sound. Check the seller's ratings and ask loads of questions, and trust your gut as well. If it feels bad, don't buy! – DanF Apr 23 '15 at 16:54
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    @BenjaminLoya My browser won't let me open this link, now. See www.grandsterlingusa.com. I THINK this is their web site. Offhand, compare with what you may see on eBAY. You'd be surprised at what's out there. Best bet, though, is to try to find a store and see items, personally, if you can. Pictures and descriptions don't really do justice to something expensive and personal. Another thought (which I'll edit) - silver plates to go with the cup cost extra. It MAY be a factor in the cost of the gift. – DanF Apr 23 '15 at 17:00
  • I live in NYC so there is no dearth of Judaica retailers within a small distance. I would like the cup shipped to the couple's house in New Jersey. I am a student and typically can't get away from my computer for more than an hour or two, but will try to get to midtown. If you have a local retailer you would recommend please let me know! Most of the legit guys appear to be in Brooklyn, which is far from me. – Benjamin Loya Apr 23 '15 at 17:33
  • @BenjaminLoya In the past, I bought cups from Royal Sterling in Boro Park. Nice selection; nice people and fair prices. See merchantcircle.com/business/Royal.Sterling.718-435-0230. I haven't been there in a while, so I hope they're still around. The only 2 personal dealers that I know are 1 in 5 Towns area and another in Kew Garden Hills. Let me know if you're willing to travel to either. – DanF Apr 23 '15 at 17:52

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