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Why are kiddushin and nisu'in done on the same day, with no big space in between?

I understand from the mishna:

מסכת כתובות ה,ב = נותנים לבתולה שנים עשר חודש משיתבע לה הבעל, לפרנס את עצמה; כשם שנותנין לאישה, כך נותנין לאיש לפרנס את עצמו. ולאלמנה, שלושים יום. הגיע זמנם, ולא נשאו או שמתו בעליהן--אוכלות משלו, ואוכלות בתרומה. רבי טרפון אומר, נותנים לה הכול תרומה; רבי עקיבה אומר, מחצה חולין ומחצה תרומה.

That the bride or groom can demand time between kiddushin and nisu'in (maximum by a virgin 1 year, by a widow 30 days).

What does the Shulchan Oruch say about this? (source please)

I also understand that now, most people do it on the same day or on the next day.

Is this the law? Are there exceptions? (also sources please)

  • Correct: the technical eirusin in our times happens shortly before the chuppah (nisuin) and yichud (kiddushin). It was a historical shift based on changing societal norms. The meforshim on the mishnah you're quoting state that the distinction between a widow and a virgin is that a widow is already "packed" to leave - she already has everything she needs to be a wife in her possession from her prior marriage. The virgin requires much more physical and psychological preparation. – Isaac Kotlicky Mar 26 '15 at 20:52
  • I don't need to do Erusin to lock in my wife before we get married. If she wants to leave she can leave. (I will also willingly give a get to any wife of mine who asks for it.) So why should I do Erusin early? It just complicates things. – Double AA Mar 27 '15 at 4:26
  • @DoubleAA no but she might want to lock you in – hazoriz Mar 27 '15 at 4:29
  • @hazoriz Any wife of mine would feel similarly. – Double AA Mar 27 '15 at 4:56
  • "What does the Shulchan Oruch say about this? (source please)" - Why not look it up? toratemetfreeware.com/online/f_01974.html – Danny Schoemann Oct 25 '15 at 9:12
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+100

Why are kiddushin and nisu'in done on the same day, with no big space in between?

The advantage of doing them close to each other is that you don't have to deal with the various scenarios of tragic things happening between Kidushin & Nisu'in like rape.

You also prevent the groom from accusing the bride of having been unchaste between the Kidushin & Nisu'in and the accompanying Halachot, as you will learn in the other Mishnayot in Ketuboth.

What does the Shulchan Oruch say about this? (source please)

The Shulchan Oruch in Even HoEzer סימן נו - כמה זמן נותנין לארוסה quotes the Mishna you quoted almost verbatim.

The Shulchan Oruch ibid סימן סב - מתי מברכין ברכת חתנים in Siman 9 says that if you do them together, you need 2 cups of wine; one for each ceremony.

The Remo (maybe, it doesn't say הג"ה but it's in smaller print) says that the custom is to read the Ketuva between the 2 ceremonies.

וּבִרְכַּת אֵרוּסִין וּבִרְכַּת חֲתָנִים אוֹמְרִים אוֹתָהּ עַל שְׁנֵי כּוֹסוֹת, אֲפִלּוּ מְקַדֵּשׁ בִּשְׁעַת הַחֻפָּה. וְנוֹהֲגִין לְהַפְסִיק בֵּינֵיהֶם בִּקְרִיאַת הַכְּתֻבָּה (כֵּן כָּתְבוּ הַתּוֹסָפוֹת וַאֲשֵׁרִ''י):

I also understand that now, most people do it on the same day or on the next day. Is this the law? Are their exceptions? (also sources please)

As you see from the Shulchan Oruch quoted above, you can do them close to each other, or you can do them up to a year apart. That's the law: you have a choice.

  • 1
    "Rape" is only the right word if the groom is a Cohen , probably adoltery is better – hazoriz Oct 25 '15 at 11:51
  • when is the brocho "... Mkadaish amoi isroel al yiday hupa vkidushin" said (if there is a space of a few days)?, only once before the kedushin? – hazoriz Nov 1 '15 at 2:22
  • @hazoriz - Not sure why you're asking, since it's the Bracha on Kidushin. – Danny Schoemann Nov 1 '15 at 9:06
  • That is why I am asking, I was not sure (i did not know) about that – hazoriz Nov 1 '15 at 9:07
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Refer to page 12 of this PDF "Tannaim, Vort, Eirusin, and Nisuin" (Hebrew).

he brings the Tur Even Haezer 62 as a source of (witnessing of) the modern ashekazi minhag to do it together

והאידנא אין נוהגין ליארס אלא בשעת חופה הלכך מברך ברכת אירוסין וברכת נישואין יחד זה אחר זה 

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