In what instances to kibbud av v'em apply to a parent who has become less religious?

For example, of the following points, which battles are worth fighting?

  • Kashrut
  • Shabbat
  • Chaggim
  • tzniut

As always, CYLOR.

  • Is the child still living in the parent's home?
    – Yishai
    Jun 26 '14 at 22:06
  • 3
    I am having trouble with the question. Are you asking about if kibbud av applies or which is the most important thing to "fight" over in the event you can't fight everything? What does kibbud av have to do with keeping kosher or Shabbos? Jun 26 '14 at 22:10
  • 1
    Why is the child fighting over anything? The child needs to keep Halakha. I don't know what Kibbud Av vaEm have to do with anything.
    – Double AA
    Jun 26 '14 at 23:02
  • 2
    This really can only be answered by a Rabbi who knows the child and parents,every circumstance is diff,a parent could never go against halacha ,however living with non religious family members one needs the help from a Rabbi who understands the situation and most importantly alot of Sayata DiShmaya
    – sam
    Jun 26 '14 at 23:44
  • 1
    I was asking what @DoubleAA just repeated. What does this have to do with kibbud av? Jun 27 '14 at 2:21

There's a general rule that if a parent asks or makes you violate any halacha, you should not listen to them. As you know, within halacha there are interpretations, minimal requirements and leniencies. You need to have a clear understanding of how these work for each action and situation. So, while I have mentioned a general guideline, there si no tacit answer for each situation.


You are obligated to treat them with an attitude of respect, and speak to them respectfully. However, you should still keep shabbos, kosher, and the like, despite their wishes to the contrary. (When it comes to something like a custom or chumra, it can vary.) That means saying "I love you mom, but sorry, I feel that I need to eat kosher", not "mom you apikorus, you're going to gehenom for eating that treif!"

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