If a wife no longer wants to have relations with her husband, is it allowed for her to stop going to the mikva, in order to prevent relations?
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5is it allowed for her to stay in the marriage? that's question 1.– rayMar 26, 2014 at 11:56
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"stop going to the mikva, in order to prevent relations"? I think a more reasonable course of action for her would be "refuse relations" and possibly "stop going to the mikva, because there's no real point". Another fairly reasonable course of action would be "keep going to the mikva, to avoid harchakos" and "refuse relations". Why would she need to "stop going to the mikva, in order to prevent relations"?– msh210 ♦Mar 26, 2014 at 17:39
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(Sorry if it seems like I'm breathing down your throat. I don't mean to, and you're certainly very welcome to Mi Yodeya. I hope you stick around and enjoy the site. I'm just confused about the question.)– msh210 ♦Mar 26, 2014 at 17:41
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2@msh210 To reduce immediate pressure from the husband and/or reduce the risk of marital rape and/or as a power play.– Double AA ♦Mar 26, 2014 at 17:43
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@DoubleAA and here's one more tragic one -- I'd heard about a husband who would beat his wife, but only when she wasn't a nidda -- because he'd never touch a nidda!– ShalomApr 25, 2021 at 2:06
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2 Answers
A woman who prevents her husband from having relations with herself, is a מורדת - and this is grounds for divorce.
Details can be found in the Rambam - הלכות אישות - Ch 14 (Halachot 10 - 15) and in Shulchan-Aruch Even-HaEzer Ch. 154:3-6 (למי שכופין להוציא בגט)
answered Mar 26, 2014 at 14:32
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@DoubleAA I agree, needs further clarification. I edited in the source. The Rambam extends Moredet to a niddah, even, so it would seem that he addresses this specifically, though I would imagine he has in mind a woman who is actually bleeding or counting clean days (see law 13). I actually up voted, but withdrew mine, then downvoted and withdrew! I think the tendency for many users who sorta skim is to think either "huh! this is useful" or "meh...", vote, and move on Mar 26, 2014 at 16:53
Rabbi Avigdor Miller writes in his shalom bayis manual, Career of Happiness, that a wife should never cease going to the mikvah because of marital difficulties. However, I'm not sure if it's permitted halachically.
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It sounds like it's not. What else would "should never" mean? Is it guidance to prevent worsening an already bad situation?– Seth JMar 26, 2014 at 16:20
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@SethJ Yes, from the tapes of R' Miller that I've heard, he does not sound like he is stating a p'sak but rather guiding the parties how to get out of difficult situations.– gt6989bMar 26, 2014 at 17:24