Marrying a wife that is older than you?

Question

What example is there in the Torah about (lichatchila i.e a priori according to halacha) marrying a wife that is years older than you?

Answer 1

In Ish HaAshkolos, there is a story of an 11 year old Rabbi Weissmandel. His father brought him to Rabbi Dushinsky to receive a blessing.

While he was there, someone asked the young 11 year old if one may suggest a marriage if the bride is older than the groom. He proved the it would be okay from the following sources.

Tosafos in Bava Metzia 84a says that Reish Laksish married Rabbi Yochanan's sister.

לקמן מוכח דנסבה

In Kidushin 31b is says Rabbi Yochanan's father died during his mother's pregnancy, and his mother died in childbirth. Therefore, Rabbi Yochanan's sister was old than him.

רבי יוחנן כי עברתו אמו מת אביו ילדתו מתה אמו

In Meilah 7b, Rabbi Yochanan calls Reish Lakish 'yenukah', little one, and the commentary explains that Reish Lakish was younger than him. Therefore, it comes out that Reish Lakish was younger than his wife, and he married her anyways.
(Succession of ages: Rabbi Yochanan's sister>Rabbi Yochanan>Reish Lakish)

ר"ל קרי ינוקא לפי שהיה בחור ממנו

When the Rabbi heard this, he kissed him on his head.

Answer 2

I'm not aware of a particular source for marrying older -- or younger, for that matter.

But I'll throw in a nice quote I heard from a Rabbi Pesach Krohn lecture. Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch married someone who was older. He commented -- "there's a lot I'm trying to accomplish in life, I can't do it if my spouse is a baby."

Answer 3

According to the Medrash Sechel Tov - Shemos 6:15 Moshe was 24 years old when his father Amram passed away at the age of 137. That means that Moshe was born when Amram was 113 years old. His mother Yocheved was 130 when she gave birth to Moshe - Abarbanel. That proves that Yocheved was older than Amram.

It is also known that the Chofetz Chaim's first wife was at least 10 years older than him.

Answer 4

When the Torah describes the yibum process, the following verse appears:

Deuteronomy 25:8

וְקָרְאוּ לוֹ זִקְנֵי עִירוֹ וְדִבְּרוּ אֵלָיו וְעָמַד וְאָמַר לֹא חָפַצְתִּי לְקַחְתָּהּ

Then the elders of his city shall call him, and speak to him; and if he persists and says, I do not wish to take her; (Soncino translation)

The Talmud extrapolates several things from this verse:

Yevamot 44a

הרשות בידו ושבקי ליה והתניא וקראו לו זקני עירו הן ולא שלוחן ודברו אליו מלמד שמשיאין לו עצה הוגנת לו שאם היה הוא ילד והיא זקנה הוא זקן והיא ילדה אומרין לו מה לך אצל ילדה מה לך אצל זקנה כלך אצל שכמותך ואל תשים קטטה בביתך לא צריכא דאפשר ליה א"ה אפילו טובא נמי עצה טובה קמ"ל ד' אין טפי לא כי היכי דנמטייה עונה בחדש

MAY. And is he allowed? Surely it was taught: Then the elder's of his city shall call him, 'they' but not their representative; 'and speak unto him' teaches that he is given suitable advice. If he, for instance, was young and she old, or if he was old and she was young, he is told, 'What would you with a young woman'? or 'What would you with an old woman'? 'Go to one who is [of the same age] as yourself and create no strife in your house'! — This is applicable to that case only where he can afford it. If so, even more wives also! — Sound advice was given: Only four but no more, so that each may receive one marital visit a month. (Soncino translation, my emphasis)

Thus, the Talmudic interpretation of the verse recommends against lechatchila marrying a woman significantly older than oneself.

Answer 5

I have heard of an opinion (don't remember the source) that based on what the Talmud (in Sotah 2a says that at conception (or 40 days before conception, depending on how you read it), a Bas Kol announces that So and so will marry the daughter of so and so, which implies that when the boy is conceived the girl isn't yet conceived, so she can only be referred to as the (future) daughter of.

However, the Kabbalistic understanding of that passage is that this only refers to the first time the soul descends into this world, and not subsequent reincarnations, so certainly according to that there cannot be such a deduction from the Talmud. In addition, other answers are proposed for the construction of daughter of which do not require such an understanding.

The Lubavitcher Rebbe was just over a year younger than his wife, so there you have מעשה רב to not be concerned about the issue.

Answer 6

Tosfos to Sotah 2a (DH Kodem Yetziras Havelad) indicate that it doesn’t matter who’s older:

נראה לרבי קודם יצירת הזכר בין אם לא נולדה הנקיבה עדיין בין אם נולדה:

It appears to Rebbe [that the Bas Kol says “the daughter of so-and-so to so-and-so, etc.”] before the formation of the man, whether the woman hasn’t been born yet or whether she has.

Clearly indicating that sometimes the man is younger and sometimes the woman is.

Answer 7

According to Rashi (Bereishis 4,21) quoting the Medrash Rabbah, the sister of Tuval kayin - who was born to Lemech before Lemech together with Tuval Kayin killed Kayin their antecedent - was Naama the wife of Noach.

נעמה היא אשתו של נח בב"ר

Naamah was born before Sheis who was born Bereishis 4,25, and Rashi says (see below) this is the chronological order because Lemech after having killed Kayin by mistake, caused his wives to separate from him. This led to a Din Torah in front of Adam who said they should go back to their husband. Lemech then persuaded Adam to go back with Chava after having separated 129 years, This resulted in the birth of Sheis When Adam was 130 years old.

וידע אדם וגו'" - בא לו למך אצל אדם הראשון וקבל על נשיו אמר להם וכי עליכם לדקדק על גזירתו של מקום אתם עשו מצותכם והוא יעשה את שלו אמרו לו קשוט עצמך תחלה והלא פרשת מאשתך זה מאה ושלשים שנה משנקנסה מיתה על ידך מיד וידע אדם

Noach was 600 in year 1656 when the flood happened (see artscroll timeline in the back of the tenach/Chumash) so He was born in year 1056.

So if Naama Noach's wife was born before year 130 and Noach was born in 1056 Naama was at least 927 years older than Noach.

But in those days women didn't reach their menopause so quickly as Naamah had Shem Cham and Yefes at around age 1427.

Rambam (Hilchos Ishus 15:7):

לא ישא אדם עקרה וזקנה ואילונית וקטנה שאינה ראויה לילד אלא אם כן קיים מצות פריה ורביה או שהיתה לו אשה אחרת לפרות ולרבות ממנה
A man may not marry a woman who is sterile, too old (to conceive), an Ailonis or a minor unless he fulfilled Peru u'Rvu or he had another wife who can conceive.

Indeed the Teshuvos HoRivash 15 when asked about marrying an older woman

על דבר האיש אנשמואל עראמה שרצה לישא זקנה אחת
he replied: מי שאין לו בנים אין לו לישא אשה אלא בת בנים A person who has no children should marry a woman who can have children.

So as long as a woman can still bear children age does not matter and a man can marry a woman older lechatchila(except with regards to a Cohein Gadol who can only marry a Naara which is usually a girl bellow the age of 12 and a half {if he was not already married before his annointment} see Rambam Issurei bia 17,13)

Answer 8

only major halachic problem i can see is that you might be embarassed to show her to your friends/family, or even be embarassed yourself and then come to hate her. thereby transgressing "love your fellow as yourself" and other negative commandments. and even if not now, then 20 years down the road.

I have seen this happen. It's a serious consideration.